Page 62 of My Hunger, Your Soul

‘Ivan, let him go,” Chase says from the back.

“Baby, keep out of it,” Noah says and I'm appreciative.

“Are you questioning my ability to look after you, sweetheart? Hmm?” I tighten my hold on him. Annoyed he would doubt me.

“He had a gun,” Ty says quietly.

“So? What you saw tonight rarely happens, but when it does, we’ve got it handled. Don’t question my capabilities again, Ty. Otherwise I’ll have to beat your ass raw. I’ll always protect what's mine. Now calm the fuck down and deal with it, as this is forever. Me and you.”

“I’m not like you.”

“I don’t expect you to be anyone else.”

“I’m not sure I can do this, Ivan. It’s too much for me.”

I move closer to his face, my lips nearly touching his.

“You don’t have a choice, sweetheart,” I whisper and quickly kiss him.

I let go of his throat and start our journey back to the house.

31

TYLER

Today has been an eye opener for what my future may entail. It has also opened my eyes to the fact my brother is not who I thought he was, and neither is his husband. The fact that Chase so expertly hid that he is in fact married to a psychopath that he used to treat, someone for whom threatening death was no different than ordering coffee, has turned my world on its axis. Like a catalog, I flick through all the times in my head when I’d spent time with Noah and Chase, looking for anything I may have missed.

Sure, Noah has been way more intense than anyone I’ve ever met, and his possessiveness was what I would class as over the top, but the only thing that I remember in those times together was that they were happy. Very happy. Am I the problem? I always thought I was open minded with relationships, but this is a whole new landmine area of can I literally accept anything? According to Ivan, I don’t have a choice. But I do have a choice, don’t I?

As we approach the house, I roll my head to the side of the headrest and watch Ivan. He’s so beautiful. He makes me feel things that I never knew you could feel for someone. I sit here, not wanting to judge him, I want to excuse what he does because I don’t want to lose him. The happiness. The little nook of a happy future that I never dared dream of. Is this how Chase felt? The choice is simple. A life with or without Ivan, with all the baggage attached, what would I choose?

The car stops and Ivan looks at me. Those big brown eyes burn into my very soul, calling out to me to jump into his world. The longer I stare at him, the more I fall under his spell. My body fills with warmth and the same feeling that I have with Chase, but way more intense. Home. That word.

Home.

Like a flick of a switch in my heart, it answers the question for me. I choose a life with him. This is what they must mean about a life defining moment. All from a look and a feeling in my heart and soul. I trust him to make sure I’m safe. I’ve found something that many dream of finding. A consuming love. Yes, love. Protection, loyalty, connection and a hunger that I don't think will ever evaporate with us. How have I not seen it until now? We need each other. It took for tonight to happen, for all secrets to be laid bare, for me to open up. So, from now on I’ll leave the confused, whiny guy at the door. I want Ivan so much, the thought of not seeing him makes it hard to breathe.

“You ready to go inside, sweetheart?” he asks, rubbing his finger along my jaw. It's just us. He’s right, I don’t have a choice.

“I’m ready,” I say as I give him a quick tender kiss on the lips and hop out of the car.

Noah and Chase are standing outside the front of the house waiting for us as Dima and the others arrive a few moments after us. I take this opportunity to talk to my brother.

“Chase, can I have a quick word? Alone.”

Chase looks at Noah who walks only a few feet away. Shocker.

“You’re upset with me,” he says like it's a fact.

“I’m confused, Chase. You are the last person that I expected to accept, let alone condone violence, and I mean that in general life. This is your husband.”

“Don’t judge me, Ty. It wasn’t like I was attracted to that side. Everything just happened and it got to a point where I couldn’t walk away. That side of him I pretend doesn’t exist.”

“Wow.Wow.”

“Look, you’re in the same situation and I don’t see you running for the hills. Maybe our parents fucked us up so much that we need that extra something to make us feel loved and safe.”

“I feel like my entire life and everything I knew has been a lie. Turned upside down overnight. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with Ivan, and I understand what you're saying. But didn’t you struggle with the guilt?”

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