Page 44 of My Hunger, Your Soul

“Ignore it,” Tyler mumbles as he takes another bite of food.

“Do you wanna see it?” I ask, and Dima slams his glass of water down.

“Fucking hell, Ivan. Even I can read that the guy feels ill at the thought of it. Learn to read your partner.”

“I’m trying! It’s not easy dealing with someone so emotional,” I say, annoyed that this is turning around on me.

“Emotional? It's normal to be sickened by this, Ivan,” Tyler says, and my irritation at being challenged is starting to build.

“Tyler, it's okay. Just, try to remain calm. Ignore them, they don't know how to be human,” Seb tries to reassure Tyler, but it doesn't go over well.

“Calm? How can you be okay with all this? You and Kai? Do you not feel any guilt?”

Seb is one of the chillest guys you'll meet. But people mistake the kind and friendly exterior of Seb to be a pushover. Which he’s not. To be part of this family, and be able to be the husband of Dima, you have to have some grit about you. Seb takes no shit, and from the way he’s discarded his food, and zones in on Ty, I think he’s pissed. He turns his body fully to face Tyler and everyone waits to watch the show.

“Listen Tyler, I understand you're struggling, I really do. But don’t come here throwing your judgement around like you think you know everything that we’ve been through. Kai went through hell to be here, and so did I to some degree. Do we agree with what goes on? Of course not. But we know the deal. I know what evil goes down into that holding pen and I accept it like I accept my husband who saved me. But remember you are no better than us, you knew who we were when you took this job, you could’ve left. You knew who Ivan was before he fucked you, you could’ve left. But you didn’t. Don’t put your inability to justify your own actions onto us,” Seb says before standing and leaving the room.

“You know Tyler, you can look at this one of two ways. Kai was in a gang back in his hometown, he managed to leave, but when he went back to see his mom, the gang, his so-called friends, broke into his home and stabbed him. Left him to die in his own home,” Dima says.

Tyler flinches at that piece of information and looks over at Kai, who is cuddled up to Jules, the memory very much fresh in his mind.

“When Jules found out, some of us went with him to find the fuckers. Ivan was one of them, and they did what they thought was right, they made them pay. Was that wrong? Should Jules have let it go and let the fucked up judicial system deal with it? Would you say we killed the good guys?” Dima says.

“No…I’m…I didn’t know that happened to Kai.”

“No you didn’t, but do you think the men that stabbed him were good guys?”

“No, obviously not.”

“Seb’s ex-fiancé plotted with a scorned enemy of ours to kill Seb because he found out about her plans to take everything off him, they put a gun to his head, are they the good guys?”

“No.”

“No. And before you say it, yes we do take the role of judge and jury, and I do the same with my crews or anyone that fucks with my business or my family. This is the safest place you will ever be.”

Tyler nods and slumps his shoulders in a defeated response. I’m not sure what to do. I wonder if I should hug him, as that's what Jules does to Kai.

“Now I’m gonna check on my man, and I expect you to apologize to him, Tyler. Ivan, take the night off. You need to talk to your man if he’s gonna be around.”

Dima leaves, and the silence in the kitchen is weird, it feels very awkward between the guys.

“Kai, I’m sorry if I upset you,” Tyler says, and Kai moves from Jules’ embrace and walks over to sit at the table where Dima sat.

“It’s fine, Tyler. I’m not upset with you. It’s just the whole situation is still raw for me, you know?”

“Tim is convinced you were taken against your will,” Tyler says, and Jules pipes up.

“I think we’ve had enough of bringing up the past,” Jules says to Tyler, holding on to Kai’s shoulders.

“Stop worrying, Jules. I’m okay and he’s allowed to ask. He’s involved now. Tim has made sure of that,” Kai says, and looks over at Tyler.

“Tim wasn’t always like this. He’s been in my life a long time. My mom struggled raising me on her own, she was kicked out when my grandparents found out she was pregnant at eighteen. She did her best, but I hardly helped the situation, getting involved with the wrong crowd, trying to fit in, I guess. Her and Jules are stepsiblings, but she always blamed him for their parents abandoning her. Thinking Jules had an easier life. Anyway, Tim was her closest friend, you might even say family. I think he always wanted more, though. When my so-called ‘friends’ stabbed me and left me bleeding out, he was the one who found me, got me help. He didn’t know anything at that point about my relationship with Jules. But when he did, he flipped out, and when he realized who Jules worked for…let’s just say the Tim I knew changed. He obviously knew a lot from gossip at work about Dima and Lev, but he just wouldn’t let it go. Tried to stop Jules from seeing me. He even tried threatening them all when they came to collect me. He and my mom just wanted to keep me prisoner, not letting me make my own decisions. I left by choice, Tyler. Not force. I’ve lost my relationship with my mom. We talk now and then, but it’s not like before. She and Jules will never reconcile, but I won’t leave him. I think Tim just wants to control the situation, maybe impress my mom along the way if he got me back home. But he’s obsessed with this family. He messages me non stop. Threatening us. He’s not who I thought he was and he was warned what would happen if he didn’t leave it. He’s stubborn and revengeful. Don’t feel bad for him, Tyler.”

“I’m sorry, Kai,” Tyler says again, and Kai smiles before rising to his feet, moving over to the sink to clear up after dinner, Jules not far behind him.

I watch Tyler as he studies Kai and Jules. His eyes look distant. Thinking of everything that Kai has just said most likely. His eyes then find mine and they are shiny. I think he’s upset. Taking that as my cue, I stand and grab Tyler's hand.

“Come on, let's go to my room.”

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