Page 16 of Rope Me

“I can’t just show back up at random and say the same shit all over again. I need to show her… I need a plan.”

A smirk pulls at the corner of Bowen’s mouth. “Now we’re talking.”

CHAPTER 13

CASSIDY

“Dolly!Jolene! You didn’t see it coming. I knew it. Mom, did you see me?”

Connor’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I turn with a start. He’s standing by the front door, backpack slung over one shoulder. His face is full of uncontainable energy and the dogs bounce with him, their tails wagging.

“You probably didn’t,” he continues matter-of-factly, “because I’m wearing my Flash shirt.”

“What?” I blink, still catching up.

“This shirt makes me incredibly fast—Too fast for the human eye.” He gestures at himself like a magician revealing his greatest trick. “You didn’t see me, but I zoomed right past you, and now we have three minutes until we leave, nine minutes before we arrive, and sixteen minutes before the bell rings. It’s because I ate my oatmeal in four minutes when normally it takes six.”

A smile tugs at my lips before I can stop it. “Well, Flash, why don’t you use the next three minutes to brush your teeth before we go?”

“You won’t even see me.”

Then, in a blur of gangly limbs and boundless energy, Connor takes off down the hallway. He makes an exaggeratedzoomingnoise as he goes. I exhale, shaking my head with amusement. I hope Randolph appreciates all the Connor-isms that bring so much joy to my world.

As soon as he disappears, I pick up my phone and get back to it. Some people stalk their exes on social media. I’ve never been above that kind of thing. But the truth is, I don’t have any exes to stalk. Not really. My entire dating life was consumed by Randolph. I never had a high school sweetheart, a college fling, or a rebound romance. It was just him.

Now that we’re divorced, the urge to check up on him doesn’t even exist. Not once have I wondered who he’s seeing or what he’s doing when Connor isn’t with him.

But Alex… has changed all that.

For four long days, I’ve been drowning in the radio silence between us. I know it’s self-imposed, but it’s suffocating nonetheless. I was the one who tore us apart and shattered us into something unrecognizable. I’ve spent all my time applying for as many jobs as possible and have been shocked to get two interviews lined up in the next week. They’re way out in Findlay, but building autonomy would be worth the drive. But none of the tasks have stopped my mind from wandering to Alex. And now, all I want to know is if he’s okay.

But he doesn’t make it easy. Alex isn’t exactly what you’d call a live online type. I don’t know what I expected. Certainly, he wouldn’t be taking selfies with his freezer pizza, but I thought he’d at least have a Facebook profile. He’s an elder millennial, but I guess it’s possible that he missed the boat by a few years.

The only pictures I can find of him on social media are marketing photos from Kingridge Ranch. Mostly they are staged shots with his brothers. They are the kind meant to sell an imagerather than tell a personal story. But even through the stiff poses and grumpy expressions, I can see him.The real him.

The man who watches me like I’m the only thing that matters. The man who held me like I was something precious. I miss Alex in a way I’ve never missed anyone. It’s like a piece of my heart is walking around without me and I ache to get him back.

My regret is a living, breathing thing that has taken on a life of its own at this point. It felt like everything was slipping into chaos around me. Since then, my resolve to keep my distance has wavered more than once.

But he’s kept his distance just like I asked him to. Now I refuse to put Alex through some kind of emotional tug-of-war. If I can’t be all in, the most kind thing to do is to let him go completely. Just because it’s true doesn’t mean it stops the ache.

“Boom. One minute until school departure.” Connor’s voice cuts through my spiral and his grin is infectious.

I shove everything down and focus on the one thing that has always been certain—my son. “Ready when you are, boss.”

We settle into our short drive with the same playlist queued up like always.Country Roads, Take Me Home. We Will Rock You. Old Town Road.The songs play on repeat as per Connor’s ritual, but truthfully I’ve grown to like the consistency too. Connor bounces his knees in time with the beat. But then in a change of routine, he pauses and gestures for me to turn down the music.

“Mom, are we gonna ride horses again at Kingridge Ranch?”

The question catches me completely off guard. We haven’t spoken much about the night of the Hoedown because I never want Connor to feel like he’s stuck in the middle between his father and me. “I’m not sure. Why? Did you like horseback riding?”

“Ilovedit,” he says with absolute certainty. “And I like the real cowboys there, too. They were cool. They said I could be a rancher if I wanted. I don’t even have to wait until I’m an adult. I can do it right now. Not technically right now because I have school, but from two-thirty until tomorrow morning I’m in charge of my own time.”

I glance at him in the rearview mirror, something warm unfurling in my chest. Connor tips an invisible hat in my direction adding a wink for good measure.

“Thatispretty cool,” I admit.

It hits me that Alex hasn’t taken anything from Connor. He’s only given him confidence and a sense of belonging in the short time they’ve gotten to know each other. And the more I think about it, the same can be said for me.

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