Page 6 of Flirty Situationship

The floodgates open and I tell Winston everything. Five years of avoidance spill into a single conversation and slowly the knot over my chest loosens. I trust him with the fears I’ve never spoken aloud and somehow, he knows exactly what to do with them. Winston doesn’t offer advice, but he holds space for me and holds me together while I fall apart.

When I finally get it all out, all the awful realities somehow feel easier to deal with. He puts his arms around me, and I all but disappear into him. Winston is the kindest and most compassionate man I have ever met. As hard as I’ve tried to keep them at an uncomplicated arm's length, my heart wants all of him.

Winston takes my hands in his and leans toward me. “I may not know your mom, but I know she’s one hell of a woman because she raised you. It’s probably a good idea to go talk to her when you’re ready. Tell her everything about your life. She deserves to be involved in all the important decisions and she deserves to know the sacrifices you’ve made by moving your whole life here because you want to be with her. It isn’t up to you how much she can understand, but she’s still here and you still have your chance.”

“Thank you, I think that’s the right thing to do.”

We keep our habit of staying at the plant shop until it’s dark outside. Only this time, our clothing stays on. All we do is talk and somehow I’m more in love with him than ever before. As the conversation winds through every topic, I get brave and ask him the questions I’ve been putting off. Winston answers with startling honesty.

We talk about his son, River, and about his ex-wife. I ask him about the man that he was back when his ex got pregnant and the dad that he is now. I ask him about the life that he had growing up and the one that he wants to build in the future. With every sentence, I feel myself falling deeper for this amazing man. Winston is becoming my entire world.

Buzz. Buzz.When his phone vibrates in his pocket, he apologizes and then steps into the other room to take the call.

When he comes back his face is decidedly more serious. “I have to go and I’m so sorry for that. I want to stay here with you all night. You have no idea how badly I want to stay here with you. But right now, River needs me to pick him up from a party. It’s supposed to be his mom’s day with him but she’s out of town and the grandparents can’t do it. It’s something I can’t say no to. You understand, right?”

“Of course, I understand, you should absolutely go get your son. I mean this thing between us is just a situationship remember? That’s one of the perks, it doesn’t have to be too serious.” The words feel cold as they come out of my mouth and they feel mean. I don’t believe them and I wish immediately that I hadn’t said them.

A flicker of something passes Winston’s face as he gets to his feet and I can’t tell if it’s disappointment anger or sadness. “Right. Our situationship. Take care of yourself tonight and I’ll check on you tomorrow. Same time.” He smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

When he walks out of the door, I have to stop myself from running after him. I want to go with him. I want to know everything about his son and meet this kid who has the best father in the world. But as he drives away, I know it’s too late, at least for tonight.

Before I can fix anything with Winston, I need to fix things with Mom and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

I spend my night making a list of every single thing I want to tell my mom about my life in the last decade. I list all of the things she’s missed and all of the things I should’ve included her in. The letter breaks my heart with every line of regret and I keep writing even when it gets hard. When I’ve exhausted all the sad parts, something new emerges… a flicker of hope.

I find hope for a new kind of relationship with the parts of Mom that are still here now. I can include her in my world, I’m determined to find a way. So I add one more column to my list and title it,things I want for the future with you.

In the morning, my throat is dry and my hands shake as I stand in front of the receptionist at the care facility. I’m going to tell Mom about Stump and Stem Plant Shoppe. I’m going to tell her about Ash’s divorce from her terrible ex-husband, and how we’re still best friends. Then I’m going to tell her about how I’ve fallen for a single dad named Winston who just might be the love of my life.

When it’s finally my turn to step up to the front desk, I take a deep breath and summon all my bravery. “Hello, I’m here to see Jill Buckner.”

“One moment.” The woman with the unruly red hair gives me a kind smile and I try to reciprocate, but my nerves won’t let me. She picks up a phone and then punches the keys on her computer. “It looks like Ms. Buckner already has a visitor right now.”

Beau’s already here at seven in the morning, of course, he is.“It’s got to be my brother. It’s okay, I’ll head back anyway.” It’s a good thing too, I owe him an apology.

The woman leads me down a narrow hallway. It’s brightly, decorated with cheerful art hanging in white frames. The place doesn’t feel sad like I’d imagined it would and that’s a relief. Still, when I get to the doorway, my heart rate ticks up. The woman leaves me standing at the door in silence.

I blink a few times at the sight before me and my mouth falls open in shock. The man talking to Mom isn’t Beau… and it isn’t Bear either. I watch in silence with baited breath.

Winston?

CHAPTER 5

WINSTON

“...Iknow your sons too. Bear is my boss. He has shown up for me in one million different ways. When I got divorced he let me sleep on his floor and when he got divorced, we went out for drinks almost every night. We talked like two dudes who aren’t lumberjacks or tough guys. There were a lot of tears, but don’t tell anyone that.”

She holds her face in the same pleasant expression and a part of me knows she hears me.

I continue, “I’m rambling, but your daughter is who I want to talk about. She has brought me so much joy. She is the most incredible woman I have ever met. I’ll tell you something else, she’s easy to love. Well, maybe not easy but worth it. She’s taken to holding me at a bit of an arm's length.”

I smooth the front of my jeans and get comfortable on the overstuffed blue chair across from Mrs. Buckner. I’ve been here for almost an hour and somehow I’ve still got so much more to say. She doesn’t seem to mind the company. Of course, at one point she mumbled the word Bear. But people mistake the two of us for each other daily.

“Between me and you, I’d love Kylie every day for the rest of her life if she’d let me. I want you to know that you did a goodjob with her and even though we’re only meeting now, I can tell exactly the kind of woman you were to raise someone like Kylie. I wish we’d met just a tiny bit earlier so I could get advice from you.”

I search her eyes for a glimmer of recognition, but there isn’t any change. I sit back in my chair and let the silence pass between us. The room is completely still, until all of a sudden, Ms. Buckner places a hand on my forearm and it spurs me on.

“I know Beau too. I can’t imagine what it was like trying to raise somebody like him. He’s a wild one. He’s got a good heart, but I can’t imagine the sleepless nights he caused you over the years. I’m a dad too. You should know that about me. River is my son and he’s fourteen. He’s a bit of a handful himself and if he ends up being anything like Beau, I’ll count myself lucky?—”

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