Page 5 of Pasture Findlay Farms

William puts a hand low on my back. I’m happy he’s come to stand by my side. I knew he had it in him. Maybe he’s ready to face this conversation as hard as it might get, at least it will be over with and we can move on to finding a way to combine our families.

Archie’s mouth falls open. “Man, you are so lucky I just beat the shit out of your brother and I don’t have anything left for you. I’m over here just trying to look for my girlfriend, then this jackass pulls me into a barn and now I find out my little sister hooked up with a dude I don’t like.” His voice hitches at the end and it makes me nervous.

“We don’t know if that’s the case. It might be something else…” Jameson starts.

“Stop, both of you. It’s sex. I was having sex, with William. I’m an adult and I make my own choices.” My voice cracks at the end and the barn goes deafeningly silent.

Jameson clears his throat, still not recovered from the word sex coming out of my mouth. “That’s fine, you make your own choices. But you aren’t choosing some asshole from Robinson Ranch. You’re a Findlay, it goes against everything we stand for.”

From there, the other shoe drops. My brothers go back and forth about all the reasons sleeping with William isn’t right for me. They take turns shouting questions in William’s direction that range from the practical,how did you get in here?To the ridiculous,are you sleeping with her just to spy on the Findlay property?William takes it in stride, not defending himself but positioning his body between me and them and nodding at their concerns.

I drop a hand low to my stomach and block it all out. This baby doesn’t deserve to hear any of this chaos. As the fire in my brothers dwindles, I look up at William. I know he has it in him to stand up for our little family and set things straight. I believe in him. I know he’ll do the right thing and silently, I beg him to speak up for us.

If they knew the truth about who William is and how much he loves me, there’s no way they could stay this upset. I drop my voice and plead with him, to tell the truth and stand up for our love. But William doesn’t respond. Archie steps around William and puts a hand on my shoulder.

“Okay, that’s enough.” I rip my arm away from Archie and just like that, I find my voice. “You’ve proved your point. You don’t like him. But I do and I’m sorry if that disappoints you.”

“We all make mistakes, and you fell for the wrong guy,” Jameson says.

I swallow back my tears. “It isn’t a mistake, I…” I falter and the right words won’t come. “I love him.” My throat runs dry and I turn to him. “William, tell them. William.” I try again, a hint of desperation playing in my voice.

I see every emotion wash over his face, but William doesn’t say anything.

I’m so embarrassed. I lower my voice and whisper. “You want to marry me, but you can’t even tell them you love me?”

He swallows hard, opening his mouth, but nothing comes out. I stand there, staring up at him totally devastated. William's silence is like a blade, tearing through me and ripping my heart in two.

He stands there motionless, indifferent even and it makes me call everything into question.Are my brother's concerns valid? Will this man stand by me and our child when things get hard? I should’ve known better, William is too good to be true. I’m not the girl from a Jane Austen novel.I feel a wave of betrayal wash over me, leaving me feeling bruised and broken.

My brothers grab him by the shoulders, pulling William out of the shadows of the barn and into the night. As they push past me, I feel their anger radiating off of them like a wildfire ready to erupt.

I make my way outside and watch the three of them walk into the darkness. The light fiddle music and whimsical lights seem out of place for a conversation so tragic. “Be careful Archie!” I can’t help the way the words rip from my throat.

“Stop it, we’re not going to hurt him. We’re just showing him the exit.” My brother turns back to me. “You might love him but he never said a word about you. Is that the kind of man you want?”

The darkness of the night swallows me up as William is whisked off of our property and out of my life. The night air does nothing to squelch the thudding of my heart against my ribcage. William has devastated me beyond what I can tolerate, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him.

I worry about how he must feel right now, rejected, isolated, and lonely. Then shameful guilt creeps up my spine. I should tell my brothers the whole story. It will change the way they feel… I think.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I feel powerless and naked in the dark night as I make my way home. My heart is heavy with promises to my unborn child that I'll make things better for our family. I need time and space from all of this to make sense of the fact that the most important people in my life want nothing to do with each other.

When I finally step into the peace and serenity of my cottage, everything becomes real. The divide between my brothers and William runs generations deep and seems impossible to mend. I feel queasy with worry. There has to be light somewhere beyond this darkness, but right now it's nowhere in sight.

CHAPTER6

WILLIAM

By the next day,I feel like a shell of a man. I’ve tried to call Dakota over and over again, but she doesn’t want to talk to me and I can’t blame her. My silence did nothing but confirm all of the reasons her family has to doubt me.

When Robinson Ranch and Findlay Farms initially fell out years ago, they called it all sorts of things. It was unfair management of the land, labor disputes, and misallocation of finances. But in the end, all of it could be boiled down to a lack of trust. Somehow, I’ve added to that divide without even trying and it makes me sick.

Something about the way the Findlay men looked down on me took me back to being that young boy with the stutter. I froze and I hate myself for that. I had the chance to stand up for the woman I love and I came up short.

I think of Dakota and what she must have felt yesterday. Then I think of the baby growing inside of her. I have the chance to be the father I never had and I won’t waste it. This is bigger than me. This is a chance to change the future of my family’s life.

I can’t get ahold of Dakota, but I knew I could count on Archie to take my call. He’s more like Waylin than he’d like to admit. Archie had a field day telling me exactly what he thinks of me over the phone. But it was worth it because in the end, he agreed to meet with me in person and that is the only way I know how to fix this.

I’m doing the only thing left to do. My heart thunders in my chest as I drive back onto Findlay Farms property, my body tensing with each passing second. The anxiety that has been smoldering inside me suddenly erupts into a raging inferno, burning away my courage and any sense of security I had left. This feels like life and death, maybe because it is. Now that I’ve had Dakota in my world, nothing else will do.

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