Page 7 of Haystack

Trent: Just making sure you are okay, haven’t heard back from you.

Archie: Are you coming?

Trent: Archie’s here to plan the grand opening details

Archie: What the hell? Hurry up.

Trent: Everything good? Are you on your way?

Archie: WAITING…

I put a hand to my stomach and reply to Trent.

Me: On my way, running a little late.

As soon as I push send, another wave of nausea hits me. I bolt out of bed and into the bathroom. The contents of my stomach are long gone as this is my third episode this morning. But I stay here on my knees, waiting for it to pass the way it did yesterday morning and the morning before that.

I check the timer on my phone, only one minute left.

I blow out a deep breath. This isn’t the first time I’ve considered the possibility. Last night, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. That’s what lead me to buy the test in the first place. Since then, I haven’t been able to think about anything else.

The reality is, I don’t need the stick I just peed on to tell me anything. I know exactly what’s going on with me. But I can’t admit it to myself. If it’s real, it’s a shock because outside of that very first time in the pole barn, we’ve been careful. But here I am, panic wells in my chest.

The timer on my phone sounds and I stand, clutching the test in my hands. When I finally work up the nerve to look at it, two pink lines blur and then stare back at me confirming what I already know. My breath catches in my throat. My heart rate ticks up. I’m pregnant.

The magnitude of those two little words makes the room spin. My breath comes in short gasps. I should be grateful. Growing up, I always thought I’d be a mother. But during my terrible marriage, I gave up on that dream.

Darren would have been a terrible father. I couldn’t picture bringing an innocent child into such a cold and unloving environment. But at least back then, I had a home. Now I’m living in my little sister’s guest room. I don’t have a real job. I don’t even have a plan for a few weeks from now.

My hand drops instinctively to my belly. Trent’s going to be a father. He’s always wanted a family. But I’m sure he won’t want it like this. This baby is unplanned and with someone who is a total mess.

From there, I spiral and I don’t even attempt to stop myself.My old life is gone. I’m going to be in charge of keeping someone safe forever. What if I can’t do it? I couldn’t keep my brother safe. I don’t know if I can trust myself to stay when things get hard, but there’s no running from this. Then there’s Trent. Sweet, handsome, Trent. I hardly think a baby was in his plan. What the hell is he going to say? How am I going to tell him?

I’ll go to the cottages, but I’m going to figure out what I need to say to Trent first. That starts by letting myself feel every emotion that’s bubbling up inside of me. I slide down against the closed bathroom door and hug my knees to my chest.

Sobs wrack my body as the reality of my situation threatens to drown me. I stay on the floor as my phone vibrates with more text messages from a planning party I should be at. I cycle through nausea, worry, doubt, fear, and shock again and again.

Another hour passes before I’m standing on shaky legs. The fear and doubt are still heavy on my mind, but there’s a flutter of something else too. Tucked away in the corner of my mind a small voice asks whether this baby will end up being exactly what I need. I hang onto the hope with everything I’ve got.

CHAPTER5

TRENT

“Man,your sister is a lot of things, but she’s usually not late. She says she’s on her way, but how long can it take to get from one side of this ranch to the other?” I put my phone back in my pocket. I hope she’s okay. “It’s not like I’m going to come up with a grand opening party that’s going to meet her standards on my own.”

“I hear that. If it were up to me, a couple of beers and some ice in a blue kid-pool would do the trick.” Archie lets out a laugh. “But hey, at least you’re getting texts back. I’ve heard nothing.” He cranes his neck to take in the room. “But it looks good in here, man. Those Robinson boys aren’t gonna know what hit them when they see this place.”

“Don’t let it fool you, this ones got bad bones. There’s a lot of work to be done.”

“Maybe, but I can tell y’all have been up to some things out here.” Archie gets to his feet.

We’ve been up to some things all right. If Archie only knew all the ways I’ve taken his sister in this place, I’d probably have a fist in my face right now.

“Well man, I’m gonna let you get back to it. If she decides to grace you with her presence, holler at me and I’ll come back round.” Archie heads for the door of the cottage.

“Sounds good, the wire in this attic is a tangled mess. I think I’ll tackle those today.” I wipe the sweat dripping from my brow and think of the pile of fraying cords waiting for me.

Archie walks to the base of the attic and looks up as I pull the ladder down. "Careful, it’s a death trap up there.” He lets out a humorless chuckle and heads toward the door.

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