Page 5 of Jenna's Joyride

But on the third morning, I wake up filled with dread. He’s leaving today. He’s got to get back to the life he’s worked so hard to create. He deserves that. Time has flown by and I don’t see how I can ask him to stay, but I don’t want him to leave either.

When his eyes finally flutter open, I’m already staring at the golden sunlight reflecting off of his smooth skin.

“Good morning.” I nestle in close to him and try to soak up my last hours by his side.

“Good morning, beautiful.” He wraps me in a massive hug. “Can I say the thing I shouldn’t say? You need to come with me. I know you promised to let me go, but I made no such promise. Come with me and wake up beside me on a hundred mornings in a hundred different ways.”

My heart sinks in my chest. “Ugh, dammit Walker, who could say no to that? You’ve always had a way with words.” A humorless chuckle escapes my lips.

“I mean it. I left here without you once and it was the worst decision I’ve ever made. I didn’t think I’d ever get to touch this skin or kiss these lips again. It’s all I’ve thought about since the moment I left you.” He traces his fingers across me.

It sounds beautiful. It sounds like the best idea I’ve ever heard. I want to follow Walker anywhere. I should’ve done it the first time he asked. I purse my lips together as I think through his proposal and drop my head back into the pillow.

Of course I just got settled, but he’s worth it. I could get a job at another hospital. I could decorate his house, just like I did this place. I could wake up in his arms. Together we could make the life that should have been.

My heart rate picks up. “Well, maybe I could…”

“You can.” Walker speaks with all the confidence of a man who knows exactly what he wants. “And your sister can come and bring Lottie to visit all the time.”

His last sentence deflates me like a punch to the stomach.

My sister. Lottie. How could I be so selfish? I think back to the conversations Tessa and I’ve had around Lottie. Our kids have no grandparents, so we promised to be there for each other. Tessa has come through for me in a thousand ways throughout my life. And now, helping her raise Lottie is how I’m paying her back. If I disappear, who will watch Lottie? How will my sister manage having even a single second for herself?

Once reality looms over me, there isn’t any going back. I’d do anything for Walker, but I can’t let my sister down. It simply isn’t an option and I won’t ask him to let go of all he’s worked for.

“Walker, I can’t.” My words make the breath catch in my throat and all the air gets sucked out of my bedroom.

“What are you talking about? Of course you can. We’ll make it work. I can take care of you now, please don’t make this mistake again.” He cups my face in his hands. “I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you and I’m asking you to take a chance on us.”

“I can take care of myself now. This isn’t anything like last time. Last time I was young and scared and stupid. But this time, it isn’t about me. This time is about a commitment I made to my sister and that I just can’t go back on…” I keep talking but I can tell Walker isn’t listening.

His mouth parts ever so slightly and his eyes hollow. “You can’t be serious. That breaks me.” There’s a long silent pause before he lets out a sarcastic chuckle. “Wow, I’m an idiot. Okay, I understand.”

“No, Walker—” I start, but he holds up a hand.

“You don’t have to explain. This is on me. You told me upfront that this was only a three-day rebound from a shitty situation. You did. You were honest about that and I appreciate it. Even if I couldn’t believe it, you said it.” In a flash, he’s up and stepping into his clothes. “It’s probably for the best I get going anyway. I’ve got a flight in three hours and those planes don’t wait.”

My heart shatters into a million pieces watching him. I open my mouth to protest, but what can I say? If I tell him that he’s the love of my life, that will only make things worse. If I beg him to stay then I’m begging him to give up all he’s worked for. And if I go, I leave my sister with no village to raise her child. The same way we were raised after our parents passed. My heart sinks in my chest.

Walker stands, fully clothed, an arm rested too casually against my door frame. “I’ll get out of here.”

“Walker, I’m sorry.”

“Well I’m out of time.” He steps toward my bed and plants a kiss on my forehead that makes my eyes well with tears.

As Walker disappears from my life for the second time, I’m crushed. I fall back onto my bed and fold into myself. Just three days ago, I was content in the new little world I’ve made here in this quaint house. Now it feels nothing but empty.

I stay there, frozen with indecision and desperate for the man who is leaving with my heart in his hands. I can’t move. I can’t think. I close my eyes. Why do I always get in my own way?

When I can’t stand the silence for another minute, I do what I’ve always done. I pick up the phone and call Tessa. Like the faithful sister she is, Tessa answers on the first ring even when she’s on vacation.

“Hey lady, I’m surprised to hear from you. I figured you’d be tied up with the…um…gift I sent.” Tessa laughs, but I can’t return her lighthearted banter.

“I was. Thank you for sending him. I don’t know how you orchestrated that. It was incredible to see him and have him here…” My throat runs dry.

“But?” Jenna prompts me, but I can’t find the words.

“But he’s gone now. Is that my niece in the background?”

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