Page 4 of Loco

I crossed my arms, watching with amusement as Dog promptly sat down, tongue lolling out in happiness. No feline grace, no aloof attitude, just pure, dog-like enthusiasm.

“Uh,” I added, “he was only about five weeks old when I found him. I had to carry him everywhere for his feedings, and Lynyrd and Skynyrd pretty much adopted him on the spot. He learned everything from them.”

Mark shook his head, exhaling a laugh as Dog lifted his paw, offering it to him. “You know,” he murmured, shaking Dog’s paw like this was the most normal thing in the world, “I feel likethis could either be the most wholesome thing I’ve ever seen or the start of a horror movie where animals evolve past what we understand.”

I shrugged. “Hey, if Dog figures out how to drive, I’ll never have to call an Uber again.”

Mark smirked. “Yeah, but then you’ll be dealing with a dog-cat with road rage.”

Glancing at Dog, I tilted my head. “That tracks.”

Dog, as if proving my point, let out a single bark.

Mark sat back on his heels, staring at him like he’d just seen a ghost. “Man,” he said finally, shaking his head, “at thirty-six, you’re living in a sitcom, and I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned.”

I lifted my water bottle in a mock toast. “Welcome to my life.”

“You sure it wasn’t some kind of brain damage from being in the water or whatever led up to him being in that trash can?”

Mark eyed Dog with clear suspicion, as if, at any moment, the cat might sprout another leg or start reciting Shakespeare.

I shook my head firmly. “Nope. The vet ran a whole battery of tests—muy expensivo tests, I might add—and nothing out of the ordinary turned up. Malnourished? Yeah. Skin and bones? Absolutely. Anemic, full of worms, barely hanging on? You bet. But brain damage? Nada.”

Throughout our conversation, Lynyrd and Skynyrd had remained in their corner, watching Mark like security deciding whether he was on the guest list or about to get thrown out headfirst.

“They aren’t as friendly as Dog?” he asked, nodding toward them.

I smirked. “Oh, they’re friendly, all right.”

To prove my point, I whistled and gestured toward Mark. In an instant, both dogs launched across the room like furry missiles. Before Mark had time to react, Lynyrd barreled into him, knocking him off balance, while Skynyrd went straight for his face, licking enthusiastically.

Not wanting to be left out, Dog dashed over and wedged himself into the chaos, mirroring Skynyrd’s licking frenzy.

Flattened under eighty pounds of canine enthusiasm, Mark wheezed out, “Help… me.”

I snapped my fingers, and Lynyrd immediately collapsed onto the floor beside him with a dramatic groan, his head landing right where his body had been.

“They were just waiting for permission. They can be a bit… excitable,” I explained, ignoring Mark’s pointed glare as he attempted to regain some dignity. “They’re trained not to jump unless I give them the okay. Usually, that’s only when I want someone to leave.”

Mark barely had time to recover before Dog took things to the next level—by pouncing on his face and somehow managing his entire tongue inside Mark’s mouth.

Mark gagged violently, rolling onto his side and wiping his mouth violently. “It got my tonsils,” he choked out, face contorted in horror. “I got deep throated by a cat.”

I bit my lip to keep from laughing as he staggered to his knees, shuddering like he’d just survived a near-death experience.

“Yeah, warning,” I said, completely deadpan. “If you yawn around him, cover your mouth. The same goes for coughing or sneezing.” I eyed his increasingly pale face. “Bathroom’s first door on the right if you’re gonna be sick.”

He bolted without another word, the door slamming shut behind him.

Left alone with my three furry delinquents, I crossed my arms and stared down at them.

“You just had to make out with the stranger, didn’t you?” I shook my head in disappointment. “I thought we talked about this after the first time. Don’t lower your standards, make sure they have a nice car, and at least let them buy you dinner first.”

All three of them wagged their tails, heads tilting in unison.

I sighed.

My story with these three wasn’t some fairytale about fate and destiny bringing us together in a heartwarming, movie-worthy moment. No, our beginnings were a little more chaotic.

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