Page 68 of Second Chance for Mr. Alden

I wanted so badly to go back to the way things used to be, but knew it was her decision, not mine.

She lifted herself up from my chest, her fingers tangled in my beard as her watery eyes searched mine. “Why didn’t you fight for us? Why didn’t you trust me to choose us?”

I took a deep breath, and tears filled my eyes as I laid myself bare. “We were so new, and I’d just lost my parents. I think I was as afraid of you choosing to stay as I was of you choosing to go. I couldn’t give you a life like you had, and I was scared that eventually you’d realize you gave it all up for nothing and leave anyway.”

“Oh, James...” she whispered.

I dropped my forehead to hers. “The pain of losing my parents was still fresh and I couldn’t stop thinking that the longer you were around, the more you would see those differences in our lives. It destroyed me to let you go and the only way I was able to push myself to do it was imagining how much harder letting you go would’ve been the longer you stayed.”

Jess was etched into the essence of my bones. For the rest of my life there wouldn’t be another woman for me.

I’d been a shadow of myself for so long after I pushed her away. I put one foot in front of the other for Lexi’s sake. Convincing myself that I’d done the right thing, kept me from running after her and pleading for her forgiveness.

She sniffed.

“I was a fucking moron. I should have trusted in you and in our relationship.” I let out a tortured groan. My chest tightened painfully. “Please forgive me, Jess,” I begged. I would beg for her forgiveness until she asked me to stop or finally chose to do as I requested. Either way I wasn’t giving up on us a second time.

She lifted her head from mine and immediately I felt the loss. I tried to steel myself for her next words. Jess may have told me she loved me, but that didn’t mean she wanted anything to do with me.

Her damp lips brushed my forehead, before resting on the tip of my nose, and then she placed a gentle kiss on my mouth.

I kept my eyes downcast and dropped my hands into my lap. I didn’t know if this was a hello or a goodbye, and the desire to grab her shoulders and hold her tight to me, to linger with her in my arms in case this was the last time she let me, was so strong I had to consciously hold myself back. I didn’t want to push her for something she didn’t want or wasn’t ready for.

“James,” she said, her voice still raspy from the tears she had shed. Her fingers tugged at my chin to lift my gaze to meet hers.

I foolishly hoped to see some indication of her feeling within the depths of her brown eyes. Instead, I saw a swirl of emotions that flickered by so fast I couldn’t tell where she stood or what she’d say.

“I understand why you did it.”

I opened my mouth to respond.

She shook her head. “I’m not done. I don’t have to like how you ended our relationship and it’ll take me time to be okay with your actions, but it doesn’t make me love you any less.”

The tightness in my chest eased. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, delighting in the tiny shiver that raced through her at my touch. Hope beat at my chest.

“I want us to have a second chance. For us to try again, to have a better relationship than we had before.”

“I want that too.” I picked up a lock of her hair and caressed it gently before brushing it behind her ear. This was so much more than I’d hoped for or deserved. I’d make sure she didn’t regret giving us another shot.

“You have to understand though, as much as I believe you when you say you love me, I’m still fearful that you’ll change your mind and walk away.”

My gaze stayed pinned to hers. Her fears were valid, and I needed her to know I took them seriously. “I know. And I’ll do everything I can until you don’t feel that way anymore because I’ve proven myself to you.”

She cupped my cheek. “Thank you.”

Now that we’d promised to give ourselves a second chance it was like weights had lifted from my shoulders and the world was a brighter place. I’d been lost with Jess. She’d beenmyeverything. It didn’t matter that we’d only been together a short time, our love had been instantaneous. I’d never cared for someone else with the same depth of feelings I had for her. We fit like perfect puzzle pieces.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much, James,” she whispered and placed a lingering kiss on my lips.

I held back, not wanting to push her for more than she was ready to give. My body fought my decision, my cock strained against my zipper.

Jess pressed her lips harder, her tongue licking at the seam of my mouth.

I groaned. “Are you sure? I’m good with laying here and holding you all night, Jess.” The lower half of my body didn’t need to be in control tonight. While the desire to claim her was strong, the desire to comfort her would always win out.

The corners of her mouth ticked up into a grin. “I’m very sure.” She ground herself against my hardened length.

It didn’t matter that we had layers of clothing between us, the friction made me shudder with need.

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