Page 58 of Second Chance for Mr. Alden

This time I couldn't stop the tears that filled my eyes. I needed him to stop, or I was going to be a blubbering mess. I put my hand on his arm to push him out of the way, but he was like a fucking brick wall.

I had to get out of here.

He wrapped his arms around me. “No, Jess. I’m not done.”

I gritted my teeth and whispered on a shaky breath. “Yes, you are.” I didn’t want to hear all these nice things because when he was gone there would be no one else to say them.

I needed to keep my act of indifference up. I needed to survive on people seeing me as the party girl, social media influencer. I needed people to think I didn’t care what they thought of me. Because if they thought I didn’t care it was easier to act as though I didn’t.

I needed to keep my walls in place no matter the cost.

“No, I’m not.” He pulled me closer.

Oh damn. I was already weakening. My body swayed in his embrace and curled into his body. I’d been strong for so long, keeping my emotions in check, keeping most people at a distance that the effect of him seeing through my bullshit was stripping me bare.

I craved his words of praise.

My ability to be indifferent and to pretend I didn’t need anybody was crashing down around me and my damn heart itched to let him in, to let the pretty words he said take root and grow. To believe that I truly was the person I had been trying to be all along.

Alden rubbed my back and continued speaking as though I never interrupted him. “I’ve seen a shift in your sponsorships in the last few months. You’ve always been eco-conscious, and sustainability was important to you, but you’ve chosen to celebrate your body, and your curves. Your platform tells young girls and women to do the same. Some of them feel like you’ve given them another reason to live a better life. And that bodies of all sizes are beautiful and sexy. For all the negative talk they hear, you’re the one proving to them those people are wrong.”

My chest hurt. I struggled to push air in and out of my lungs, and each breath I took sounded as shaky as my emotions were. Tears fell from my eyes, soaking Alden’s shirt.

“What about Lexi and all the help you’ve given her? I bet she’s not the only person you've ever helped or mentored.”

How did he know these things? Not even Jax was aware of all the charitable contributions I made with my money and honestly, Alden was just scratching the surface. It all started because I was angry about having so much money, about not feeling like I was loved for me, and I wanted praise.

Then over time it grew addictive, and I started to help people without them knowing. It made me feel like maybe I was balancing the scales a little for the selfishness of my family, of myself.

“Taking a step back from all you’re doing to protect yourself doesn’t mean you’re useless. It means you need to find new ways to keep busy. A new way to find balance.”

I sucked in a breath. Alden saw the real me even when I tried to hide that side from the world. While I wanted to bask in his words, part of me was scared. Praise in my life wasn’t dished out on its own. The flip side to it was that there was always something the other person wanted.

Instinct made me want to push him away. To tell him to stop being such a fucking sap or to give him a flippant response and ask if he’d help me find ways to stay busy, in bed. Instead, I kept my mouth shut. I decided to mentally record all of his compliments, throw them in a box to take out on the days that I needed them.

“Understood.” It wasn’t a question. He was demanding I acknowledge what he’d said.

“Understood,” I whispered, but then self-preservation decided to jump right in because even though this was Alden, the man I’d fallen desperately in love with so long ago, I had a hard time believing he thought so highly of me. “Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?” He sounded genuinely puzzled.

“Being so nice?”

He didn’t speak. His chin rested on top of my head while his hands absentmindedly rubbed up and down my back. I pressed into him the tiniest bit, wanting to take a little more time to absorb having him this close to me, to enjoy the sensations swirling in my body at his touch. Because as they say, all good things come to an end.

I mentally prepared myself and waited for his reply. I waited for the old proverbial shoe to drop. My tears had dried up, and my breathing that had just evened out picked up into a quicker, sharper rhythm. And it was in that moment, I realized I’d give him anything he asked me for if we could just stay like this.

He sighed. “No matter what happened between us before. I want you to be happy, Jess and above all, I want you to know your worth.”

My body stilled. This is why I’d fallen for him. He saw everything and made me want to believe I was good enough. “I wish you were a complete asshole.”

He chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

I traced circles on his back. “I want you to be happy too, Alden.”

“I’m working on it.” His breath ruffled the hair on top of my head.

I tightened my arms around his waist, reveling in the feel of his body against mine. Trying to commit it to memory.

---