Page 89 of Séance

“You aren’t fine. It’s okay not to be fine.” Gunner tightens his hold around me for a second before he grabs my shoulders and pushes me back. “I’m not fine. Knowing you were hurt when I wasn’t there to protect you kills me.”

I peer up at him in confusion, then glance at Jameson before my eyes drop to the ground. I shrug my shoulders, not sure how to put my question into words. “You’re not disgusted by what I did? I swear I wasn’t attacking the woman. I was trying to save the kids.”

It was important that they believe me.

“Disgusted? Never,” he vows, sliding his hands down my arms and tugs me closer. “Is that what you think?”

I very purposely avoid looking at anyone and shrug again, my throat aching with so many emotions that I can’t speak.

Gunner gently places a finger under my chin and lifts my face. “We never doubted you. Not once.”

“James was triggered by seeing children in danger and watching you being hurt. When it’s bad, he gets trapped in his head and can’t break free. We usually need to talk him down or he’s liable to kill someone…most likely himself.”

I search his dark blue eyes for the truth, and he grimaces, running a hand through his hair. “It’s partially my fault. When we were younger, I was late meeting with the guys. James came over to drag my ass out of bed.

“Only, my father was in one of his moods. He was beating my mother. When I tried to interfere, he turned his rage on me. I think he meant to kill me that day. Finally.” He turns and looks out over the yard, not really seeing it as he recounts his past. “James knew he was never supposed to come into my house. It was too dangerous, and I refused to put them at risk, but James being James, he ignored my one and only rule, and he saw what was happening.”

His laugh is dark and bitter as he shakes his head, then he shoves his fists into his pockets. “This ten-year-old, skinny dumbass burst through the door like some avenging superhero and charged my father. He received a blow to the head that threw him across the room. The impact broke his arm.”

Gunner glances at me, his eyes drowning in sadness. “To this day, he can’t stand seeing women or children hurt without going on a rampage.”

“Watching me beat on a woman while her children were near…” I murmur to myself, horrified by what he witnessed. “It must have been his worst nightmare.”

“No!” Jameson shoves to his feet, shaking off his brother as he storms toward me.

“You could have killed her for all I cared. I promised to keep you safe, and I failed you. She was a woman, her kids were right there, and I froze. I should have helped you, but I did nothing,”the hoarse whisper is torn from him, shame practically oozing from his pores.

Not once does he lift his head to look at me, his gaze never leaving the ground. His shoulders are bowed inward, his body curved like he received a mortal blow that would never heal. His hands dangle uselessly at his sides, and I can feel the shame radiating from him. “I’m so, so sorry.”

I can practically see his confidence crack and splinter.

He couldn’t protect his friend.

He couldn’t protect me, and it’s breaking him.

I step toward him, afraid he might spook like a skittish mouse caught in a trap. As much as I want to gather him into my arms, that’s not what he needs right now.

“Look at me,” I snap, planting my hands on my hips as I glare up at him.

He instantly obeys, his head jerking up, and my heart cracks to see his bloodshot eyes and shattered expression. “Did it look like I needed your protection?” I poke him in his chest, and he stumbles back like I hit him. “I gave you an order to protect the children. You did what I asked. If you interfered, it would have looked like a man was beating on a woman. She would have gone free, and she would have killed those kids.”

“But you?—”

“I’m not finished!” I ruthlessly cut him off as his gaze slides to my injuries. I lift my hands, gritting my teeth when my ribs protest the movement. Dragging my hair from my face, I make him look at the wounds. “Are you telling me that you’ve never been hurt on your quests to protect women and children?”

“That’s different,” he mutters, his expression turning mutinous.

I’m just glad as fuck that the defeated look in his eyes is gone. “Why? Because only you can save people?”

I drop my arms and roll my eyes, stepping forward until I invade his personal space. “I’m not asking to be saved. I can fucking save myself. When I needed you” —he flinches, the defiance on his face sliding away— “you were there. You did what I asked. You kept the kids safe.”

“But I promised to protect you…” He trails off, glancing at my injuries again.

I know he won’t accept the answer easily. It’s a trigger, and he won’t just magically be cured, but maybe I can ease his burden. “And you did protect me in the way I needed most.” I grab his bruised and battered hand and place it over my chest, then I tap the back of it. “Here.”

I wave a hand at my face and shrug. “I can heal from physical wounds. It’s the wounds to our soul that are more dangerous. They never heal properly. They scab over and scar. They harden us. You stopped that from happening today.”

His eyes remain glued to his hand on my chest. I would say he’s staring at my boobs, but I sense he’s trying to look inside me to see if I’m telling the truth. His thumb gently brushes against my skin just under my collarbone, and I swear I can feel his touch down to my bones.

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