MY SECRET
She’s my secret. Mine and mine alone.
SCARLET
Idon’t pity the men and women who line the bar tonight. As the snow falls behind the paned windows, barely visible with the darkened sky, they lift their glasses. Alcohol drowns out the thoughts of family and friends they aren’t with during the holidays. The din of the bar is far from somber though, the occasional laugh ricochets off the paneled walls of this old place.
It may only be a rundown bar off the interstate in the tristate area, tucked away beneath the overpass, but it’s warm and feels like home to many. It’s my last name on that sign out front. My bar. My home.
It’s sure as hell home to me and the only thing I have left from my family. At that thought I peek over my shoulder, a rag in one hand wiping down the glass in the other, and peer at a black and white portrait. My grandfather always had a Coors Light in his hand and it’s there lifted in cheers at the grand opening of this very bar.
That photo, and the occasional postcard from my mother, are all that I have left of my family. She took off when I was five, came back when I was seventeen and my father passed suddenly, but she didn’t stay long.
So the sight of Jackson at the end of the bar, his phone always in his hand, and Mr. Richards at the other end, his thinned hair as white as the foam in his beer, feel like home to me. Even on Christmas Eve.
“You’re all dolled up tonight,” Chrissy comments, her voice is a bit raspy from years of smoking. The stool drags on the floor as she pulls it out to sidle up to her brother.
“This old thing,” I respond with a smirk. The deep red shift dress matches a shade of lipstick I put on hours ago. No doubt it’s faded by now, but he told me once he loved the color on me.
And I know he’ll be here tonight. He told me he would and he’s never lied to me. Never let me down.
Chrissy huffs a laugh and then elbows Teddy, saying something about getting out of there so she can hang lights on the tree for her grandkids.
Every minute that passes feels as if it drags for hours. Each beer that hits the bar, every clink of the glass and grinding of the stools against the floor is far too loud.
I’m waiting for one man to walk through that old heavy walnut door.
“Another?” Jackson calls out, lifting his mug in the air and I mindlessly follow suit although my eyes lift to the door at the sound of the chimes.
And there he is.
A warmth spreads through me although I don’t show it. My heart pounds and races, my blood heats at the sight of him.
The black flat cap is dusted with snow as he removes it, making his way to the far corner booth. He takes his time slipping off the black wool coat and I only watch him, my gaze shifting from the beer mug filling at the tap to his broad shoulders straining beneath the gray Henley.
In black boots and worn jeans, he sure as hell didn’t dress up tonight.
There’s a little dance of anxiousness that swells deep in my chest knowing I’m overdressed. “Here you go,” I tell Jackson, and don’t give him a second look or wait for a response as I make my way to him.
At least I’m in ballerina flats and not heels, but still, heat dances along my skin.
“Your usual?” I offer, my voice wavering as his pale blue gaze reaches mine. He pins me there, the world blurring behind him. Even the air bows down to this man. Dirty blonde hair and a ruggedness tell me he’s blue collar, but I know he’s more than that.
I’ve known it for years. He’s dangerous. He’s a man I once feared. Every instinct told me I should stay far away.
And I would have, I had decided I would.
Two years ago, when I first saw him and he ordered what he’ll order now, a gin and tonic, I swore I’d avoid him. It’s not just that he looks like a man who’s been through hell, that smirk on his lips and that charming smile whisper a secret: he proudly runs the place.
His gaze slips down my body, slowly and deliberately.
In this room that’s riddled with onlookers, it feels as if he undresses me. Heat creeps into my cheeks.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispers lowly in a deep baritone that triggers a primal need. It surprises me, he’s never said a thing like that until the place is closed up and everyone else is gone.
It’s what happens every time. I wait for him and he waits for the bar to close.
And then he takes me however he wants, which is exactly what I crave.