Page 88 of Alpha & Omega

“Perhaps, and I’d still be helping you.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “You see a long future for us together?”

“I do. I hope so, anyway. This is a massive bump in the road, no doubt.” He stood behind me to wash the stubble on my head, careful in the areas where my stitches had been removed. I could bathe myself just fine, but he insisted that he liked doing it. “But I know you can get through this. Those road bumps are huge, but this time, you aren’t alone.”

“I’m so tired, Harley. Tired of trying to ‘get through’ life. I keep hammering my way, and it keeps beating me back… One step forward and three steps back. I’m… exhausted, mentally and emotionally. It just feels like… if one more bad thing happens…”

Harley rinsed my head and stood in front of me before squatting between my legs. “If one more bad thing happens, then you push on, and you keep pushing back until you’ve beaten life and it conforms to your needs and demands. You’re strong enough.”

I grabbed his face, loving the soft texture of his beard between my fingers. “Am I, though?”

“Absolutely. You may not feel that now, but you will.”

“How did I get so lucky to have you?”

He smirked. “See, life isn’t all doom and gloom.”

I smirked back. “Just let me pout a bit longer.”

Still holding his face, I frowned again and pulled him into a kiss. “I’m not doing so well, Chef. Not one fucking bit. But I’ll try for you and my crew. I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass… the anger and despair just come out of me. Sometimes, it’s suffocating fear. Thank you for being here and keeping me… from fully crumbling. I… love you, and I have for a while. I’m not in denial, but I’m just… terrified you’ll leave. And you still may, but you keep proving to me you’ll stick it out, no matter what.”

“King…” he breathed and pulled me into another kiss. “I didn’t do all this to have your love, but I’m so grateful to for it. You have a lot of things to fear, but I shouldn’t be one of them. I love you, too.”

To lessen the heavy mood, he waggled his brows and looked down at my limp dick. “I could make something else happy…”

I chuckled. “Thanks, but he’s been as moody as I’ve been.”

“I’m teasing, but he’ll be back to play soon enough. Now we better wash up and get ready, so we’re not late for your appointment. You’re finally getting your cast off.”

Yeah, my cast. I would finally see the real damage done. I wasn’t as excited about it as Harley.

After we returned home from getting my cast off and getting the suture site cleaned, which hurt like fuck, I was wiped out… emotionally. Seeing my missing leg without the cast was a rude awakening. Rationally, I understood my leg was gone, but seeinghowgone it was for the first time fucking wrecked me. Seeing the swelling and bruising, all those stitches, and that flap of skin below the knee… skin that used to hold bones, tendons, and… my foot.

I had kicked Harley out of my bedroom to be alone in my renewed grief. He tried not to be sad by my reaction, but I saw it, anyway. Still, he kissed me goodbye before he left for work and told me he loved me. I hadn’t told him those words again since this morning, feeling my withdrawal into myself.

Today was just another fucking setback. A reminder of all that I’d lost and was about to lose. There would be days that started well enough but could crash, sinking me deeper into my despair. The depression played over and over in my head, keeping me hyper-focused on my losses and preventing me from planning for my future. It was hard to care when I knew where my road ended. That I’d lose my family and bar. I didn’t have the mental energy in me to try again.

When I woke up from my nap, I was still exhausted and groggy from the drugs, my leg aching like fuck. On top of it, my heart was racing from another nightmare I had over and over about my accident—the metal box and the monster.

I needed to take a piss, so I stood to go to the bathroom, but it was too late to correct my error when I landed hard on the ground… right on my stump.

The pain was like nothing I’d ever fucking experienced in my life. Not even with my phantom pain. It traveled up my spine in fiery electricity and exploded throughout my entire body before congregating on the wounded site, like an internal nuclear detonation. I curled into myself, tears spilling from the agony and stupidity.

“Jesus, Alpha. What the hell did you do?”

Cueball?

I couldn’t even talk from the contracting tightness of my body and lungs, willing the pain to go the fuck away.

He lifted me off the ground and put me back in bed.

“Are you okay?”

I shook my head and sobbed into my hands, wishing for death right about now. That was how bad the pain was.

“Does it… look like I’m… fucking… okay? Where’s Tony?”

He had recently moved in with me, so I expected him here.

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