Page 40 of Alpha & Omega

“I don’t understand,” I said. “What happened to him? I mean, it’s obviously depression, but this just came out of fucking left field.”

“I believe he has bipolar disorder.”

“What? How?”

“Blaze said Ajax went several days living life chaotically. He had been more wild than normal. In fact, he came by our apartment several days ago, drunk after crashing his bike, clearly in a manic state. But after getting to know him, it seems he was in a hypomanic state before this, hence his wild and impulsive side, but it was under more control at the time.”

I didn’t know much about bipolar disorder at all. It was something I would need to research if that was what Ajax truly had.

“How do you know this?”

Cueball stared out into the hospital, people watching, his face showing nothing. “It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got a long wait.”

His amber eyes pinned on me. “I don’t know you well enough.”

I shrugged. “Fair. Anyway, thanks for coming today and for calling me. I’ve been… preoccupied.”

“Don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes this shit comes out of nowhere. There were only a few days between his mania and his crash. EvenIhadn’t really seen it for what it was when I should’ve.”

I said nothing as I stood, pulled my smokes out of my jeans, and headed outside to a designated smoking area, needing not only air, but that blessed nicotine.

His treatment was going to cost a small fortune. What the fuck was I going to do about my bar? If I didn’t have my bar, I couldn’t take care of my crew.

ExactlyasCueballpredicted,Ajax suffered from bipolar disorder. My poor guy would have a long road ahead of him. Cueball had explained the disorder needed to be monitored for the rest of Ajax’s life. It broke my fucking heart. He didn’t deserve it.

Blaze, Cueball, and I stood in Ajax’s apartment, watching him sleep, exhausted after his ordeal and from the hospital visit and depression.

I was conflicted with worrying about him and my finances. I would do it over again in a second, but I couldn’t ignore it either. Then mythoughts trailed to Harley. I’d been too stressed out to think much about him until that moment, and I found myself struggling to get his idea out of my head.

No. Harley had butted into my business, something that wasn’t his concern, and went behind my back to look at my finances. Fuck him. I’d figure this out. I always did because I was a fucking survivor, dammit!

Blaze sniffed, drawing my attention to him. “I’m a fucking piece of shit. I’m selfish, and I can’t do anything right,” he whispered. His tattooed arms hugged himself tightly as the tears sprang into his eyes, and his lips trembled.

Cueball tried to reassure him when I said, “Despite your difficulties with Ajax, you care about him and his well-being. That’s important.”

That and he’d probably saved Ajax’s life. Fuck, what would I have done had Ajax committed suicide? It would’ve fucking wrecked me. If I lost any of my Rejects… They and Tony were all I had. To some people looking in, I had a large family. To me, it wasn’t large enough.

Tony was a mess, too, and I felt like sometimes I was the only one holding it all together, that everything would splinter and shatter if I weren’t around or something happened to me or Alpha’s Rejects. I suffocated from it sometimes, but I would continue to do anything for them.

Blaze then looked at me with pleading eyes, though he tried to hide his desperation. God, it was so weird to see him humble himself. “I need to find a job, but I’ve never had one before. I promised Ajax that I’d stop selling,” he said.

Did he mean drugs? “I could use another server,” I blurted and inwardly winced. I definitely needed another server, but I didn’t really have the money for one.

“Thank you, but you don’t have to pretend you need someone. I’ll figure it out.”

I deflated, feeling bad for Blaze, which was a new emotion considering I couldn’t stand him until recent events. “Who’s pretending? I’ve only got two people waiting tables between them all week. That’s a lot. I really need an extra person.”

His dark brown eyes, which were nearly black, grew wide. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. But if I take you on, that means no drugs… taking or selling.”

Blaze nodded vigorously, full of relief and appreciation.

God, what was I getting myself into? Deeper debt was what I was doing.

After Blaze promised not to leave Ajax’s side for the next few days, I went home with a little less worry for my friend and brother, confident that Blaze would call me if something were to happen again.

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