“I can’t leave tomorrow with things like this between us,” he said, resting his forehead against hers. “Tell me there’s a chance we can still be together in the future.”
“This isn’t the time for this!” Her voice was terse with stress.
“We’re out of time, Violet. This is it.” He massaged her nape to encourage her to look at him. “Tell me I didn’t lose the most important person in the world to me.”
She braced her hand on his chest and strained away from him. “The door isn’t locked. Anyone could come in. All these people are here for you. You should be focused on them, not?—”
“Look at me!”
His raised voice made her stiffen in alarm.
“Are you crazy? What the hell are you trying to do?” she hissed.
His face flushed with anger as he gripped her shoulders and gave her a shake. “I’m trying to get through to you. I need you to stop looking through me and actually hear what I’m saying.”
Of course, he was forcing this confrontation the night before he left, when everyone they’d ever known was just a few rooms away.
She jutted out her chin. “Whatareyou saying?”
His hands flexed on her shoulders. “I’m saying that I know what I did was wrong, and you have every right to hate me. I promised to protect you and couldn’t protect you from myself.”
His expression was a mix of frustration and desperation.
“I know I need to work on myself and that it’s best for both of us if I leave. I told myself I wouldn’t pressure you, but I need to know.” He brushed her hair back with trembling fingers. “Give me some hope. Tell me there’s a part of you that still feels something for me.”
She held his gaze and deliberately let seconds that felt like hours tick by. She felt no remorse as his face contorted with pain.
He swallowed hard, making his Adam’s apple bob. “Can you forgive me?”
Months ago, she forgave him without thinking, naively believing what Dad said—that no act was unforgivable. But what Jesse had done to her, what he stole over and over again… it wasn’t forgivable. As if he heard her thoughts, a tear slid down his cheek.
“Vi,” he whispered, but whatever he was going to say was interrupted by someone calling his name.
Fear gave her the strength to shove him hard enough that he rocked back.
“They need you. Go!” she ordered.
His anguish was plain to see. Hopefully, everyone would attribute his distress to nerves over leaving home for the great unknown.
“Violet.”
“Go, now!” she said harshly.
He swiped his sleeve over his dripping eyes before he turned and walked out of the bathroom. She stood there for a minute, staring at the place where he’d been standing, before she glanced in the mirror and saw her pale, blank face. Abruptly, she pushed on the door that led to her bedroom. The drawers she’d pushed in front of it, so no guests would wander into her bedroom by accident, gave way. Once she was in, she repositioned her makeshift barricade and locked her other door as well. She sent a quick text to Mom, letting her know she had a migraine and needed to lay down, and got a heart emoji in response.
She kicked off her shoes and, without bothering to change, lay on the bed in her dress. She stared at the ceiling with her hands folded neatly over her middle and tried to relax. Jesse’s behavior and mood swings over the last few weeks had swung from one extreme to the next. Some days he was cold and remote. On others, he was cruel. The worst days were when he was affectionate and kind. She didn’t know which Jesse she would get day to day, so she kept her guard up and didn’t trust any version of him she encountered.
Including this one.
Can you forgive me?
Her hands balled into fists. How dare he ask her that after everything he put her through? He’d hijacked not just her junior year, which was one big blur, he’d taken over herlife. He segregated her from everyone, making her an outcast not just amongst their friends, but in their family as well. Because no one believed he was capable of such dastardly deeds, she had no one to confide in or turn to.
To have her brother, who she trusted implicitly, turn into her worst enemy was a betrayal of such epic proportions that she still couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She hadn’t just lost her sense of self—she lost her best friend and confidant. The person she used to run to for comfort, advice, and support disappeared.In his place was a monster who looked like him and sounded like him but did the most horrific things to her. He weaponized all her faults and weaknesses against her.
Jesse stopped seeing her as a person. She became an obsession, an object to be conquered and claimed. Sex whittled their relationship down to nothing. Their verbal communication and emotional connection ceased to exist, leaving them with no foundation to rebuild upon. He irreparably damaged her trust, not just in him, but herself. How could she trust her judgment when she’d been so easily duped by his sincere, good brother act? How could she not have sensed the evil lurking behind his guileless smile? Her confidence and self-esteem had taken so many blows, she didn’t feel like a whole person anymore. She no longer knew how to make a simple decision without examining it from every angle and listing every possible repercussion and consequence.
Lately, Jesse’s fixation had gone into overdrive. It was like he was trying to fuse them together. He was insatiable, possessed. To preserve her sanity against his brutal onslaught, she wrapped herself in a cocoon that insulated her from his destructive wrath. The more erratic and out of control Jesse became, the calmer and more detached she was. She could see that infuriated him, but she didn’t care. Self-preservation was all that mattered. All she had to do was hang on just a little longer.