Page 76 of Corrupt Idol

The darkness threatening to erupt from him made her stomach flutter. She stepped back and started toward her bedroom. She locked her door before she fell face first on the bed and bawled her eyes out.

Fourteen

She staredat the mess she had made of her room and threw her hands up in the air. It had been three days since the funeral. In an effort to keep herself busy, she unpacked, which had turned her room into a disaster area. Without Reese’s organizing skills, she had somehow barricaded her closet and bathroom door shut and couldn’t even make it to the bed without stepping over piles of crap. There were boxes everywhere and belongings she had no place for. She kicked a pile of clothes before she walked out. She felt as if she was coming out of her skin.

She peeked in her parent’s bedroom even though she knew what she would find. Dad wasn’t there, of course. He left every morning before she and Jesse woke up and didn’t come home until they were asleep. She was alarmed, but Jesse wasn’t, so she wouldn’t call for an intervention just yet. She knew losing Lynne would devastate her father and had been prepared for many things, but his withdrawn coldness wasn’t one of them. She moved home to be here for him during this time and he deserted her. She felt as if she lost both of her parents and didn’t know how to handle it. She thought they could deal with this together, but he made it clear he wanted to be alone, leaving her with no one to turn to.

She glanced into Jesse’s bedroom, which was also empty. She felt a spark of relief when she found him sitting on the couch in the living room. He sat with his hands folded in his lap, eyes closed and head tipped back. She knew he wasn’t sleeping. He was trying to escape in his head, but it wasn’t working. She could feel grief radiating off of him. If Dad was here, she could focus on him, but he wasn’t so Jesse would be her substitute. She needed a distraction. Against her better judgment, she started forward.

“Can I get you anything?” she asked.

He opened bloodshot eyes and stared at her for a beat before he shook his head. He said little since the funeral. He was always around. She had a feeling if she wasn’t here, he would be out of the house like Dad. If she had really tight friends here, she might be with them, but she hadn’t reconnected with anyone enough to barf her feelings out on them. So, she was stuck in the house with pent up energy and her emotions tearing her in every direction.

She settled on the opposite end of the couch and stared blindly at the blank TV. She clasped her hands between her knees and rocked back and forth to alleviate the pain. She felt so damn lost. Crying didn’t help. Keeping busy didn’t work either. She slept little in the past few days and couldn’t remember the last thing she ate. She wished Dad would stop avoiding her and just talk to her. She needed him more than ever.

“Violet.”

She whipped her head toward Jesse and saw he was watching her. He lifted his arm in an unspoken invitation she desperately needed. She dove at him, burying her face on his chest, and burst into tears. She cried so hard, she couldn’t catch her breath. His arms came around her, giving her the hug she craved, the comfort she felt she would perish without.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he said as he stroked her hair.

Contact, comfort. She needed it so badly, she was shaking.

“I m-miss her s-so much,” she stammered.

“I know. Me too.”

“I-I don’t know what to do and Dad… I don’t know how to help him.”

“Let him be, Vi.”

“But he shouldn’t—”

“He’ll work it out on his own.”

She sniffled. “How do you know?”

“Because I’m a man.”

“So?”

“Men react to pain in two ways. We run or we fight. Don’t get in his face. You won’t like the reaction you get. Let him deal with it on his own.”

“But you’re here,” she pointed out.

“I’m here in case you want to fight,” he said.

Her lip curved in a sad smile before her face crumpled. She slumped against him. She should keep her guard up, but she needed touch more than she needed anything else in the world. She didn’t know how to feel about him. At times he was her adversary, ally, lover, worst enemy, and protector. Right now, he was offering her a safe place so she would take what he was willing to give. She didn’t want to be alone right now.

She pressed her face against his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat. Her mind swung from her worries about Dad and Jesse to looking for a job to changing her car registration and everything in between. Her mind was spiraling. She had so many things to do, but she couldn’t choose which task to do, so she did none of them.

Jesse stroked her back. “I have to leave soon.”

Panic ripped through her stomach. She looked up, unconsciously wrapping a hand in his shirt. “Leave?”

Bloodshot eyes moved over her face. “I have to report for duty in Japan. I’ve already made my flights.”

She felt as if she was going to shatter. “When?”

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