Page 52 of Corrupt Idol

“You’re so deep in denial I don’t know how to reach you,” he said as he dogged her steps. “You want to act like none of this happened, but it did and it’s still happening. You want me, but you put on this act because you’re afraid of what others will say.”

She swung around to face him head on. “I don’t want you!”

He didn’t stop until their chests touched. He wasn’t Jesse, but he wasn’t the monster either. He was someone else, a stripped-down version of himself she had never met before. His eyes glittered with wrath that didn’t bode well for her. She mentally braced as his hand gripped her throat.

“You’re lying to me, but what’s worse is you’re lying to yourself. You’re so locked in your head that you don’t know what’s real and what isn’t.”

“You’re my brother,” she said through clenched teeth.

“I was never your brother.”

She would have stepped back, but his grip kept her in place before him.“What?”

“Our parents falling in love doesn’t make me your brother,” he declared. “Us living together and playing family didn’t make me your brother. It made me your friend, that’s it. I never saw you as a sister and I never will. I did everything in my power to let you know I saw you differently and you knew it too.”

She clawed at his hand. “Let me go!”

His hand flexed on her and she stilled. His eyes bored into hers as he leaned down so his lips were a hair’s breadth away from hers.

“You love me and not as a brother either. I could feel your eyes on me all the time—during games, in school, during church. You wanted to be with me all the time. We were so in sync with each other, we didn’t even have to talk. I thought we had an understanding until you started dating.”

Something dangerous flared in his eyes. His eyes moved over her face as his finger stroked her hammering pulse.

“Not only did you date other men in front of me. You picked losers. The only thing that kept me sane is believing you weren’t going too far with them.” His tone roughened. “And then I saw Tucker’s hand in your shorts. I lost it.”

He cocked his head as the hand on her neck went to her chin and angled it so she couldn’t avoid his gaze.

“I let my body do the talking, assuming you would understand all the things I couldn’t say.”

She jerked her chin out of his grasp. “I can’t do this.”

“You have to. There’s nowhere for you to run and no one to interfere. Talk to me, Vi.”

“I have nothing to say to you!”

He gave her a small shake. “We can’t move on if we don’t settle our shit.”

“I don’t care if we move on and besides,youstarted this shit. You ruined everything for sex!”

“I told you, it’s not just sex.”

“Love?” she spat as she tried to get away from him and failed. “I don’t believe you. Love ispatient, love iskind—”

“Love is cruel,” he hissed. “Love is selfish. Love makes good people do terrible things. People think love is this soft, fluffy emotion that magically makes everything better. It isn’t. It can fuck you up so bad, you’ll never be the same.”

“You can’t use that word to justify what you’ve done.”

“It’s all I have.”

She shook her head. “This never should have happened between us. I want it to go back to the way it used to be. I want my brother back.”

He brushed loose tendrils of hair away from her face. “You can’t get something back that you never had. I was your friend and then your lover.”

“You mean enemy.”

“I never wanted to be your enemy. I meant to be your champion, your man,yours. You let me touch you, let me teach you, pleasure you. It was only after that you started fighting—”

She shoved away from him. “I gave into you because I didn’t know what to do. You were my first. You were showing me what it meant to be a woman and it was you… I loved you and… I didn’t know what I was doing, Jesse! You can’t use that against me.”

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