Page 49 of Corrupt Idol

She wrestled with herself. She didn’t want to engage him in conversation or show empathy because he would get the wrong idea, but… “I’m sorry about your friend.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his head turn in her direction.

“What?”

She waved her hand. “You were talking about him in the diner. Eric.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

When he said nothing more, she added, “Jeremy too.”

“That was a tough one.”

She pursed her lips. “Is… is your job dangerous?”

He shrugged. “There’s always risk.”

“Alotof risk?”

“Worried about me, Vi? I thought you hated me.”

She bristled. “I do.”

“Then what’s with the sudden concern?”

“Dad would feel bad,” she quipped. “Why have so many of your friends passed?”

“Shit happens.”

“How can you sound so casual about death?”

“Death’s been a constant presence in my life from when I was very young. When I was six both of my grandfather’s died within weeks of each other and my grandmothers went a couple years later. Then there was my dad.” He shook his head. “Death’s inevitable.”

“So, you’reokaywith Lynne going?”

He frowned. “Of course not. Just because you know it’s coming doesn’t make it any easier.”

“Then, how—?”

“I know there’s nothing I can do, so I accept it, and focus on spending as much time as possible with her.”

“We’re heading to Florida day after tomorrow.”

“Good.”

She stared out the window. The mountains and desert had given way to flat lands as far as the eye could see. They passed fields of crops, oil rigs, and green pastures. The atmosphere in the cab wasn’t as hostile as it had been yesterday. It should be worse today, especially after what he pulled in the motel room, but she chose to blank it from her mind. It was easier to act like it never happened than to ponder his motivations. That pastime would drive her insane. She thought she knew him better than anyone else until he started acting out of character. Did she really want to know what provoked him to act in the first place? No. She refused to look that deep for fear of what she would uncover.

It bothered her that despite everything he had put her through, there was an easiness between them that carried over from their childhood. Their familial bond hadn’t been severed despite their chaotic, tumultuous relationship. They knew each other’s preferences and habits and may have spent half a decade apart, but their core was still the same, which gave them common ground. When they were kids, she thought they could read each other’s minds. That was before he ruined their relationship with sex.

I want to be a good man.

He could be. He just had to stop his horny, manic episodes. When he was with her, he was a completely different person. With everyone else he was courteous, patient, helpful. That’s the boy she had grown up with, the one she loved. She would do anything for him… and had for a while, even though she knew it was wrong. Maybe that’s what she hated most. In the beginning, she performed because she loved him too much to stop him. She let it go on too long before she came to her senses and started fighting back too late.

Her mood began to dip. She tried to ignore the heaviness in her chest and the dark wave that swept over her, obliterating the burst of hope and inspiration she got while drinking her white mocha. Her moods were like the tides—high, low. Sometimes tsunamis swept in and she didn’t come up for air for days. That feeling of excitement and homecoming turned to ash as her spirit sank like a stone.

As if he sensed the change, Jesse said her name.

“Don’t,” she sighed.

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