Page 39 of Corrupt Idol

She couldn’t wrap her mind around what happened in that restroom. Or last night. Or the other times he forced her since he had come home. She felt just as lost, dazed, and shell-shocked as she had when he turned the tables on her when she was seventeen. One day, he was her brother and the next he was a stranger. There were long stretches of time when everything seemed normal. So much so, she wondered if she was going crazy and doubted her sanity until it happened again. And again. And again. Her junior year of high school she felt like she was walking on a tightrope. One misstep and her world would crumble. It was happening all over again. No matter how much time passed, no matter how much she fortified her walls, he would lay siege. And he would win. He didn’t recognize any barriers, which made him dangerous and terrifying.

A tear trickled out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t understand him, didn’t know what drove him to do the things he did, but he had dragged her under with him and she couldn’t see the light. He forced her to partake in his salacious fantasies and she would never be the same. He was right. She liked it rough and dirty. None of the men she dated could give her what she needed. None of them came close and when she nudged them towards the dark pool she wanted them to swim in, they backed away after dipping a toe in the water. Jesse changed her and she hated the person she had become. She was afraid to let anyone close because she didn’t want them to see the real her. Ever since him, she hadn’t felt right. Nothing assuaged the restlessness within her. She wanted routine and stability, yet she wanted to follow her impulses and roam. She wanted to be around her friends and yet when she was in a crowd, perversely she wished she was alone. She was never satisfied and constantly craving something she couldn’t define and was out of focus.

Her vision blurred as she stared out the window at the passing scenery. She was in line with the vent that blew out icy air and turned her face numb. Good. If only the air conditioning had the same effect on her emotions. She would rather feel nothing than have her insides churn and riot. There was only one escape open to her, so she took it. She closed her eyes and tried to take refuge in sleep.

Seven

Eight Years Ago

She knockedon the door leading into Jesse’s room from the bathroom. She cracked it open and saw him sitting up in bed with a book. He frowned at her, but she ignored that and hopped onto his bed.

“They’re fighting again,” she said miserably.

“I noticed.”

“I hate it.”

“It’ll blow over.”

She leaned into him and buried her face in his shirt as the shouting got louder. “What if they break up?”

“They won’t.”

He didn’t sound concerned in the least.

“How can you be so sure?”

“My parents used to fight all the time.”

“But, don’t they love each other?” She twisted the ends of her shirt, a habit Lynne hated because it stretched out all her clothes.

“People who love each other can still fight.”

“Wedon’t fight!”

His brows shot up. “Didn’t we fight two days ago at the movie theater?”

She scowled. “You wanted to watch a war movie. Why would you do that when the new Harry Potter movie came out? And we don’t fight likethat.”

She jabbed her finger at the door. Even though their parent’s room was down the hall and all the doors were closed, she could hear every word being said. It wasn’t pretty. They were having money problems again. Lynne and Dad rarely fought but when they did, it felt like World War III.

Jesse shrugged. “Fighting isn’t bad. It gets your feelings out.”

She shuddered. “I hate it.”

“It’ll pass.”

“It’s been going on for half an hour.” She flinched when she heard something crash. “Why does shedothat?”

“She wants a reaction out of him,” he said mildly as he turned the page.

Desperate for a distraction, she peeked at his book. “What are you reading?”

“It’s about a sniper.”

She made a face. “You aren’t really going into the military, are you?”

His eyes moved from the book to her. “Why not?”

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