Page 49 of Decoding Morse

“Actually, that makes sense.”

“Yeah? Well. It sucks because none of them are into me. I need a distraction so I don’t get desperate, call Jamie, and devalue myself again. Besides, you owe this to me for bailing on my coffee cart today so I could stay here with Morgan while you went to the doctor. Spill. On a scale fromdid-he-slide-a-dead-fish-into-my-mouth?towrap-me-in-leather-and-rev-my-engine-again-daddy,what are we talkin’ about here?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “You’re a ridiculous human being.”

“As you’ve mentioned, but flattery isn’t the currency I want right now. Pour. The. Damn. Tea.”

“Spill, share, pour; this is the bossiest tea party I’ve ever attended.”

She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at me.

Right.

It was time to talk. Only, what could I say about the kiss that had so thoroughly wrecked me?

Heat scalded the back of my eyes, and I squeezed them closed and swallowed. “After Ted, I didn’t think I’d ever feel….”

The bed dipped as Thia sat beside me and grabbed my hand. “Oh, honey.”

I shook my head and opened my eyes. “It’s okay. As far as a rating goes, how about…quite-possibly-the-best-kiss-I’ve-ever-had-and-I-don’t-know-how-to-feel-about-it? There’s this weird compulsion to compare what I feel for Morse to what I hadwith Ted, but that’s not fair to my husband, and Morse is so….” Unable to find the right word, I shrugged.

“Intense?” Thia offered.

“Yeah. Ted loved me—I know he did—but I don’t remember him ever looking at me like that. Ever kissing me with that much passion. I keep trying to remember what it was like in the beginning, back before kids and responsibilities consumed our lives. Were there butterflies? Did he ever make my heart race with anticipation? I can’t recall, and that makes me feel like shit. He was an excellent husband, father, and friend and deserves better. He had to make my stomach flutter once upon a time, right? Did I just forget? If so, what sort of horrible person am I?”

Thia studied me for a long moment—doubtless evaluating my mental health. Couldn’t say I blamed her there since Ifeltcrazy.

Ted had been the love of my life… hadn’t he?

Was it even possible to get so lucky twice?

“Well?” I prompted. “What’s your professional opinion? How fucked up am I?” If I was going to put all my dirt out there, as she demanded, she owed me a response.

Her lips stretched into a wide grin. “Before we begin to unpack that little breakdown, I want to commend you for coming to me for advice. I’ve been waiting for this moment since I met you, so pardon me if I need a second to soak it in.”

I folded my arms and stared at her. “Really?”

“Yes, really. I’m always the fucked up one. You’re Queen Has-Her-Shit-Together. It’s super annoying. Anyway, this is my moment to wear the crown, so hush and let me share the advice my wizened old friend once gave me.” She cleared her throat. “Death is a greedy bitch, always looking for a two-for-one special. You can quit and throw away what’s left of your life, or you can brush yourself off, kick that ho in the teeth, and say not today.”

“I’m okay with wizened, butold?”

She shrugged, unrepentant. “I take it you recognize the advice you gave me when I was puking my brains out in my bathroom, begging you to go away and let me die.”

“Yep. And man, I can be annoying. No wonder you tried to punch me in the tit.”

She nodded. “Annoyingly positive. Like a first-year gym teacher.”

Rude.

“Well, I apologize for putting the kibosh on your attempt to drown in your own sorrow and vomit, but this situation is different.”

“Not really. You may not be drinking your body weight to deal with your loss, but you sure as hell haven’t been living.” Her expression softened. “Your eyes light up when you talk about that man, and I’ve seen how he looks at you. It makes perfect sense to me why kissing him made you stupid. Your chemistry is off the charts.”

I braced for the assault of guilt that should accompany that accusation, but it didn’t come.

“Besides, you have a damn big heart, you know? There’s room in there for two, assuming Morse proves to be someone you want to stick around. But that’s something you can take your time figuring out. For now, enough guilting yourself out of happiness. Finish the story. What happened after the two of you sucked face?”

I continued, telling her about how we’d been interrupted by the doctor. It was only when I recalled my embarrassing rambling of an introduction that I recognized the enormous mistake I’d made.

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