Page 71 of Redeeming Rabbit

“Mom kicked my ass out. I would have been homeless.”

I heard the creak of metal as Sage moved. He didn’t come near the ledge but scooted close enough to pat me on the back.

“That’s not an uncommon story,” he said. “Lots of people don’t have any other options when they become adults. I’ve met several foster kids who signed up when they aged out of the system and didn’t have anywhere else to go. I’m not telling you this to minimize your experience, by the way,” he added. “Sometimes it helps to be reminded that you’re not the only one with limited options.”

I’d never considered the fate of foster kids. In a way, Elenore had aged out of her uncle’s foster care, but she was fucking brilliant. Probably racked up the scholarships because the University of Washington cost a mint. I’d looked into colleges when I’d first enlisted, intending to do something with my life after I got out. But the episodes that had gotten me discharged had taken away that option.

“I was fucked up before I enlisted, but my time in the Army didn’t do me any favors.”

He didn’t say a word, and again his silence prompted me to explain.

“Growin’ up, I saw some crazy shit, but nothing could have prepared me for the shit I saw in the service.” Memories I’d suppressed long ago came flooding back. Gunfire. Smoke. Orders to retreat. Red fucking sand. I shook my head, pushing them away. “Came home with a commendation medal. Because I survived.” I scoffed. “The actual heroes were the ones who hadn’t made it back. The lives that had painted the sand red. Not a fucking coward who ran and hid.”

It was out there. Now, someone knew. My chest tightened, and I waited for his rejection to kick me in the teeth.

“Rabbit.” Sage chuckled. “I get the road name now.”

What the fuck?

I turned and narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re fuckin’ laughing at me right now?”

“Somebody’s got to. You take yourself too damn seriously.”

How the hell was I supposed to take that? “Aren’t you supposed to be helping me?”

He arched an eyebrow. “I’m only supposed to listen, remember? Want me to help you now?”

“Man, fuck you. Now you’re just takin’ advantage of me because I’m drunk. Goddamn mind-raping asshole.”

Sage shrugged, seemingly unfazed. “I do what I must. You know, your story isn’t nearly as unique as you think it is.”

“Good to know I’m not special.”

He ignored me. “In fact, it’s so common that professionals have developed relaxation techniques and prescriptions to help you function through it.”

“You wanna dope me up and rot my brain with woo-woo shit?”

He held up his hands in defense. “Back up the judgment bus there, brother. Studies have proven that meditation and other woo-woo shit does the opposite of rotting your brain. And what the fuck do you have against medication? Less than two percent of the population is on antipsychotics. A minuscule number in the grand scheme of things, but trust me, we do not want to know what happens if someone takes away those drugs. Pandemonium, I tell you.”

Sage kept right on talking, but it was no longer his voice I heard. More shards of glass sliced up my chest as Elenore rattled off statistics. She was in my head. But unlike the others who occasionally took up residence, I wanted her there. Even though her presence fucking shredded me.

“You sound like Poe.”

Sage stopped mid-tirade and stared at me.

“She’s smarter than you, though,” I said.

He snorted. “Not likely. Or she sure as hell wouldn’t be with you.”

I laughed, even though it hurt. “Man, you’re an asshole.”

“If I were nice, you wouldn’t have given me the time of day. Now, enough bullshit. If this woman is as brilliant as you say, we both know you’re never gonna do better. You need to lock that shit down. Tell me why you’re not using every tool available to you. Life’s hard enough without intentionally breaking the shit that makes it bearable.”

Growling, I banged on the rail in frustration.

He was right.

I fucking wanted Elenore. But more than that, I wanted to be the kind of man she deserved. If therapy could help me get there, why the fuck wouldn’t I try it? What sort of man would I be if I didn’t?

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