Page 34 of Redeeming Rabbit

“Nope. Worse. Way fuckin’ worse.” He cleared his throat and spoke up. “Welcome to Flaccid Avenue.”

The lights flicked on.

I laughed, realizing what had happened. “They automated your lights.” Sure enough, a plastic plate was where his light switch should be.

“Yep. Fuckers.”

“Do you often play pranks on one another?”

“Sure do. Don’t worry. I’ll come up with a way to get him back.”

“Good. I want to hear about it. Don’t disappoint me.”

He chuckled. “Scout’s honor.”

“You were no boy scout, Roger.”

“Nope. I wanted to be but didn’t have a ride to the meetings. Besides, I usually had to babysit Rose.” He released my hand and strode to a chest of drawers. I wanted to learn more about his family but felt the topic was off the table, so I took in my surroundings. A worn sofa was situated in front of a flat-screen television hanging on one wall. A dresser was against the wall to the right of his wooden headboard, and a nightstand was on the left. All the furniture was mismatched but cozy. A microwave rested on top of a dorm-sized fridge, and the shelf above it held several bottles of liquor. I didn’t know one brand from the next, but some bottles looked expensive.

“You a big drinker?” I asked as my stomach sank. Alcoholism would be a solid strike against him.

He followed my gaze and shook his head. “I like an occasional snifter of whiskey but don’t indulge often. Got a couple bottles for Christmas the year before last and decided to become a collector. Maybe I’ll become a whiskey connoisseur or some shit like that. Why? You wanna try some?”

I held up my drink. “I should probably stick to rum. I don’t often indulge either, but I know better than to mix liquors.”

“Wise.”

The room was clean but devoid of personality. He’d given me the impression he’d been a club member for a while, but everything about the bedroom was temporary.

“Pearl Jam, the Offspring, or Alice in Chains?” he asked.

Why was he asking about old bands? Was he planning to play music? I couldn’t think of a single Alice in Chains song, and most of the Pearl Jam songs I’d heard were slow and moody. The Offspring was a punk band that seemed more Rabbit’s speed, so that’s the band I chose.

“Put this on.” He tossed something at me.

I caught the faded gray cloth and set my drink on the dresser to hold it up. A T-shirt with the Offspring logo across the front. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” I hadn’t dressed in anything special, just a pink T-shirt with my gym’s logo, jeans, and sneakers.

“We’re disguising you so Tap won’t know who you are.”

“Interesting. Is there a reason we’re hiding my identity?”

“Yes. He’s a nosy bastard who needs to learn to mind his own business. Besides, it’ll be fun.”

Rabbit was definitely keeping something from me, but this was kind of fun, so I played along. I put his shirt on over mine. Though Rabbit wasn’t much taller than me, he was much larger. His shirt hung big and baggy.

He took one look at me and frowned. “You’re still gonna stand out.” He plucked a Mariners baseball cap from his sofa and tossed it to me. “Put that on.”

Feeling a lot like Key and Peele donning a disguise that would fool absolutely no one, I pulled my hair through the hole in the back of the hat, giving myself a ponytail as I slid it on.

“What if Tap catches on to us?”

“Then you tell him you’re fucking me and that our relationship is none of his goddamn business.”

I eyed him. “I have no problem with the second part of that statement, but is the lie necessary?”

“Technically, no, but you’ve had a rough day. Watching Tap’s eyes bug out of his head will make you feel better.”

I laughed. “Formybenefit, huh?”

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