Page 11 of Redeeming Rabbit

Mom’s aim had always been true. She knew exactly where to hit me to do the most damage. I instinctively wanted to fire back, to verbally destroy her like she always did me, but she was my mom. I’d long ago learned it was better to just concede and walk away.

“Rose ready?” I asked.

Mom shook her head, chuckling in that humorless way she did whenever I disappointed her. “Not even a hello for the woman who birthed you? No ‘good morning’ or ‘how have you been’? What about an apology? Can I get a ‘sorry I screwed up your life’? You know, Child Services came to check on Rose after your little stunt. She could have ended up in foster care because of what you did. And you… you never even wrote or called. Didn’t even have the decency to drive by and flip me off so I could see you were alive.”

She’d pushed me out, and now she was pissed I hadn’t returned? If I lived to be a hundred, I would never understand what the fuck she wanted from me.

“I didn’t even know you were back until Rose brought home that car, and I forced her to tell me where she got it. She said you made her promise to keep your return a secret. How do you think that makes me feel?”

I shuffled from foot to foot, desperate to be anywhere but on the front porch of this goddamn trailer. Mom had stopped speaking, and I realized she was waiting for an answer. “I don’t know. Relieved?”

I’d been going for honesty, but the anger that flashed in her eyes made me want to stuff my steel-toed boot in my mouth. “Always such a goddamn smartass. Just like your goddamn father.”

Did she really wonder why I’d never come back? Why the fuck would she care? My useless sack of shit sperm donor had knocked her up when she was sixteen, and he was in his mid-twenties. A real knight in shining armor, preying on teenage girls. He’d sold her the idea of a clandestine affair, never giving her his address, full name, or any other information that would have enabled her to file for child support. And the moment her belly started to swell with me, the motherfucker bailed. I’d never touched an underage girl in my life, and I sure as shit didn’t lie to the women I slept with. They knew my damage from the beginning, so I didn’t have to worry about anyone getting attached. I wasn’t my sperm donor, and I hated being compared to him.

What had I been thinking to make this promise to Rose? I’d known seeing Mom would lead to this. It always did. Memories flooded in. Suddenly, I was eighteen again, standing on this very porch, knowing I’d fucked up for good this time and wondering what the hell to do now.

A pair of gray boxers caught a breeze and rolled across the yard. My belongings were strewn out everywhere. She’d thrown it out in a rage, not even bothering to box it up. She didn’t want me here—I’d known that for a long time—but she’d never gone this far to remove me.

“I told you to stay the fuck out of it!” she shouted from the door. “You had no right to ruin this for me. After everything I’ve done for you, don’t I deserve a little goddamn happiness?”

“He’s a fuckin’ criminal,” I fired back. I’d been trying to tell her as much for days, but she refused to listen. Instead, she planned to move his ass into our trailer. Over my dead body.

“He was wrongfully accused.”

“Maybe.” I shrugged, doubting it. “But that’s not a chance I’m willing to take with Rose.”

“It’s not up to you. I’m the parent, and this is my goddamn house. I warned you there’d be consequences, but you always fucking push me. This time, you’ve gone too far. Leave. You’re not welcome here anymore.”

Had I ever been welcome there? For as long as I could remember, she’d treated me like a burden. Like a prison sentence she had to endure until her time was up. Judging by the clothes strewn across her yard, she’d finally figured out a way to break free. “Where the hell am I supposed to go?”

Her expression hardened. “Don’t know, don’t care. Get your shit and get off my property before I call the cops.”

I tried to look around her into the darkness of the trailer to search for my little sister. What did she think about this? She hated it when Mom yelled, and she was probably scared shitless in there, cowering in a corner as tears streaked down her face. “Where’s Rose?”

“Rosemary is no longer your concern.”

“Don’t I even get to say goodbye to her?”

“Did you letmesay goodbye to Tristan?” She shook her head. “You made your bed. You have five minutes to leave before I call the cops.” Turning her back on me, my mother walked back into her house and closed the door.

The lock engaged with an ominous click as the hopelessness of my situation settled in. I wasn’t sorry for what I’d done, though I did regret the consequences. Mom might be the parent, but she didn’t always have Rose’s best interests in mind. I’d always been my sister’s protector, and now she’d have to protect herself. I wanted to take her with me, but I had nowhere to go. Nobody wanted a bastard fuckup.

Mom’s bitching brought me back to the present. She looked at me with such open disgust it made my head ring. My vision blurred, and my ears buzzed as another flashback slammed into me, chasing me deeper down the rabbit hole.

Sand. Everywhere. Gunfire getting louder, and enemy soldiers are closing in. How do they know we’re here? What happened to our distraction? Up ahead, Sergeant Torre turns and signals to retreat as the order comes over my earpiece. The sergeant jerks, and darkness blossoms from his midsection, blood painting his fatigues. He’s been hit! He falls as a bullet whizzes by my head, mere inches away. Dirt explodes next to me. Someone screams.

Run away, little rabbit. Run and hide.

Smack, smack, smack.

Smack, smack, smack.

I kept hitting my leg in bursts, trying to bring myself back to the present. But the past kept nipping at my heels. I could feel its teeth, ready to rip into me and tear me to shreds. It had been a while since this fear—this terror—had held me in its grip. I’d forgotten how deep its claws rake and rend. How quickly it could steal the air from my lungs and the strength from my muscles.

Mom was talking again, but I couldn’t focus on her words. There was too much going on around me, too many battles being fought in my head.

More gunfire. Coming from everywhere. Surrounding us. There’s nowhere to run. Another soldier falls. Another. I need to fucking flee!

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