Page 54 of Centering Kaos

Just thinking about last night was making things uncomfortable in my sweats. I adjusted. Her gaze shot to my crotch, and I gave myself a few strokes for good measure before smiling at her. “What’s wrong, angel? Ready for some more?”

She startled and looked away. “Haven’t you been listening to me?”

“Heard every word, but all your explainin’ hasn’t changed a thing about what I feel for you. If anything, knowing what you’ve overcome has only made me love you more.”

“You barely know me,” she snapped. Her head whipped to the backseat. “And keep your voice down. Dylan doesn’t need to hear this.”

“Yeah. Far be it for him to hear someone actually respecting his mom and treating her like she matters. You want to know what I think?” Without giving her time to respond, I continued, “I think you feel how strong and powerful this thing between us is, and it scares you. You have no idea what to do with a man who isn’t trying to control you and manipulate your emotions, so you’re pushing me away.”

“I’m… I’m not even divorced yet.”

“Another excuse.”

Her eyes widened. “A very valid one.”

I chuckled, but there was absolutely nothing funny about how I felt. “Bull. Shit. How much more are you gonna give that asshole?”

Confusion wrinkled her forehead. “This isn’t about Matt. It’s about me. I told you what my mom was like.”

“You gave him nine years and a child. He’s a sociopath… the kind of person who does fine as long as you play by his rules. The minute you stepped out of line and started thinking and doing for yourself, he snapped. He’d do whatever it took to get you back in line. And you let him—for nine years—and now that you’ve got a chance at happiness, you’re allowinghimto keep you down once again.”

“My mom—”

“Isn’t you!” I snapped. “You know, I’m having a hard time understanding why what your mom did was so wrong. So, she had a healthy sexual appetite. It takes two to tango, and if she was bumpin’ uglies with married men… that’s a choice those men made. But none of that matters, because you’re nothing like her. You’re an excellent mom and an incredible woman. You deserve to be happy. You laughed last night—really laughed—because you were with me, and I make you happy. You can lie to yourself all you want, but this thing between us… it’s the real deal.”

She chewed on her bottom lip for a minute, before glancing over her shoulder once again. “But Dylan… this will be confusing for him.”

“Maybe for a minute.” I shrugged. “But he’s a smart kid. He knows what’s up, and it’ll be good for him to see you happy with a man who treats you right.”

“I… I don’t want to get stuck again. I have things I want to accomplish. Dreams I want to chase.”

“Good. I want you to do whatever makes you happy.”

Her eyes narrowed. “People aren’t that self-sacrificing.”

“You are!” I said, exasperated. “My parents are. Hell, even my shithead brothers would put aside their wants to make their wives and kids happy. Tina, I get that the only relationship you’ve ever been in has been with a narcissistic asshole who believes the world rotates around him, but most people are not like that. When you really love someone, their happinessisyour happiness. I know you know this. I’ve seen the way you light up like a goddamn Christmas tree whenever Dylan’s happy.”

“It’s too soon for me to start a relationship,” she insisted.

“Who the fuck says?” I fired back. “What happens between me and you is our business. Nobody has the right to judge it, and I doubt that anyone even cares. You’re not in Pomeroy anymore, angel.”

“But your family—”

“Would be lucky to have you and Dylan be a part of it.”

Her expression softened and she looked away.

“I’m not…” I huffed out a breath as I turned onto the street that would take us to Elenore’s apartment. There was still so much to say, and I was running out of time. “I’m not tryin’ to pressure you into anything. You know how I feel and what I want. I suspect that you feel and want the same things, but you need some time to sort things out. I get that. Take all the time you need. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Something about my tone must have given me away, because Tina’s gaze crashed into mine. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“I packed a bag. I’ll be camping out in Elenore’s garage to make sure that motherfucker doesn’t show his face.”

I could tell the moment my words sunk in, because relief smoothed out the lines on her forehead and relaxed her jaw. “You don’t have to do that,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I know, but I want to. You and Dylan are important to me. It’s worth a little discomfort to make sure you guys are okay.” I pulled into the parking garage and slid into the spot Tina’s car occupied before Tap drove it to the fire station. “Now, come on. Let’s get you guys inside.”

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