Page 46 of Centering Kaos

“Then one thing led to another, and I got pregnant. He was really happy about the baby, and he convinced me to drop out of school and move in with him. He came from money and had a great job. He wanted to support us.”

It was difficult to reconcile the asshole who’d beat her with this storybook version of him. “He sounds great.” That came out sounding a little more sarcastic than I’d meant for it to, but I was ready for the rest of the story. The part where she focused on his sins and vowed to never go back to his abusive ass.

“No. He was never great. Something about him was always… off. There were plenty of red flags, but I lowered my head and ran right through those suckers. Supporting turned into controlling really fast, but I stuck my head in the ground like an ostrich and let it happen. Growing up without a strong family unit made me really want one, you know? I wanted to be a good wife and a mom and Matt had this way of making me feel like I needed to try harder. To do what he said and keep the peace.”

I snorted. “Pretty sure that’s called gaslighting.”

She nodded. “I don’t even know how I let it get that far. But one day, I popped my head out of the ground to realize that in my desire to make Matt happy, I’d totally lost myself. I’d given up my education, I was stuck in the house without transportation or friends, and nothing I said or did seemed to make him happy. I don’t even understand why he wants me back. In the past five years, we’ve barely even talked. I made his meals and cleaned his house, but he could hire someone for that.”

Not someone he could beat. Not unless your prostitute look-alike can cook and clean.

Her brow furrowed, and she shook herself. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I asked.

Blowing out a breath, she looked away. “I dunno. Losing myself. Failing at marriage. Putting up with so much. Not enduring through more. Boring you with my pathetic life story. Everything. I’m sorry for it all.”

I stared at her, wondering what to say to take some of the weight from her shoulders. She looked like the god Atlas, carrying the whole damn world on her back. I didn’t think it was wise for her to spend too much time poring over her past. She couldn’t change it. All she could do was beat herself up over it, and I had a feeling she’d done that enough.

Thankfully, as I was searching my alcohol-muddled brain for some pearl of wisdom to share, one of my favorite songs came on, giving me an idea. It was time to get off this fucked-up topic. We couldn’t do shit about her past, but we could make her present a little more enjoyable. Since all the talk about her ex had taken down the tent in my pants, I stood. Offering her my hand, I asked, “Dance with me?”

Confusion registered across her face before excitement lit up her eyes. “You want to dance?”

I nodded, emboldened by the smile that tugged at her lips. “It’s been a minute, and I don’t know if I’m any good at it anymore, but yeah. Why the fuck not?”

Sliding off the stool, she put her hand in mine. It looked so pale and small, and I marveled at the courage it must have taken her to even come up these stairs. Matt had screwed her over good, but she was still so damn trusting. I led her to the middle of the floor, restarted the song, and turned up the volume. Then, as we swayed with the music, I met her gaze and started singing along with the lyrics.

“Girl don’t you worry. The world is a dangerous place, but I’m gonna keep you safe,” I sang.

She brushed against the front of me and I realized dancing probably wasn’t the smartest idea. Having her this close was starting to stir up activity down below again.

I tried to focus on the song, but the sweetest smile tugged at her lips. “What is this?”

“Common Kings.Happy Pill. Now shush. You’re ruining it.” I restarted the song again.

Tina snickered, and then full-on laughed out loud when I twirled her around before pulling her back to me.

God, the feel of her in my arms was torture. The sound of her laughter was much better than the self-doubt and pain I’d heard in her voice during story time. I liked making her laugh. But as I kept singing, offering to be the happy pill she took whenever she felt like she was about to break, tears filled her eyes. She blinked them away, but not before one fell. Needing more of her smiles and less of her tears, I went a little over-the-top, acting out parts of the song as I sang.

“These are some fucked up times.” Trying to keep her body away from growing erection, I spun her over to the bar and picked up the empty wine bottle and pretended to pour more into her glass. “So let me pour you some red wine.”

She laughed as I put down the bottle and whirled us back out to the center of the room. Two spins in a row had been a little ambitious for our combined blood alcohol levels, and I almost put us both on the floor. Bumping against the wall, I was careful to shield Tina, but popped off with a string of swear words as I stubbed my toe.

Her laughter only increased. Tears freely ran down her cheeks, but they were happy tears now. I stopped to watch her, marveling at how she could still laugh. After everything she’d been through, she could still let it all go and just… laugh.

With the pad of my thumb, I wiped the moisture from her cheek.

Her breath caught. Laughter dying on her parted lips, she stared up at me. The song played out and the next one began as the air thickened with tension and I became fully aware of all the places our bodies touched, and the very few articles of clothing that separated us.

I could feel her nipples harden through her thin T-shirt.

My erection had returned with a vengeance, and my sweats did little to hide it. I could smell her arousal through her sleep shorts. The rest of the world seemed to stand still as Tina’s gaze dropped to my lips. Her eyes dilated. Heat poured off her body. We both leaned in, slow and cautious, as if afraid of moving too quickly and destroying the moment.

Then her soft lips met mine, and all bets were off.

Need spiked through my body. The scotch and wine-laced kiss went from sweet and delicate to wild and ravenous. Wet. All-consuming. Her hands landed on my chest and started roaming—searching—scorching. Mine went down her back to the globes of her ass. Tugging upward, I picked her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist as our tongues continued their frantic dance. With the heat of her core grinding against me, it was all I could do to make it through the doorway to my bedroom.

Lowering her to stand in front of the bed, we came apart long enough for me to rip off her shirt. I only got to marvel at her perfect breasts for a moment before our mouths mashed together again. My hands found her tits, feeling the weight, kneading the flesh, plucking at her sexy pink nipples. She groaned and writhed against me, her fingers sliding beneath the waistband of my sweats.

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