Page 45 of Centering Kaos

I needed to find a way to make her giggle again.

“Well, the recruiter pointed out that I wasn’t too old to join. My whiskey-to-brain-cell ratio was way out of whack, and I was pissed at the entire world for not recognizing me for the next Wayne Gretzky that I thought I was.” Okay, so that was a bit of an exaggeration, but her covered smiles and coughing laughter made it well worth it. I couldn’t tell if she was tipsy, or if I was so drunk I’d become a comedian, but it was working, so I ran with it. “Gave him my name, number, and email address, promising to come to his office the next day to sign up.”

Tina’s eyes widened hysterically. “You didn’t. I heard those guys are ruthless!”

“I did.” I finished off my scotch and stood to refill our glasses. The room swayed a little, but I got my bearings. “And he didn’t even get the chance to be ruthless because I made the mistake of calling my dad and telling him I was enlisting.” She cocked her head, expression confused, as if not understanding how my dad came into play, so I explained. “You gotta understand, my dad isn’t big on hockey. He was proud of the money and success I earned, but he saw sports as a child’s pastime. He wanted more for me. A man’s job.”

“That’s so weird,” she said. “I don’t understand why people are like that. You weren’t starving, you were getting paid big bucks for doing what you love, and you were happy. Why not be happy for you? No matter what Dylan does, I’m gonna be proud of him.”

“Thank you,” I said, feeling vindicated. “But unfortunately, most parents have more… requirements for their children than happiness. Dad was so goddamn proud of me for enlisting. Prouder than I’d ever heard him be. He had that tone… the one he gets whenever one of my brothers does something to make him proud. I’d been workin’ my whole life to hear that tone directed at me, and I…” I shook my head. “I couldn’t let him down.”

She stared at me like I was speaking in another language. “You joined the Army to make your dad proud?”

“Sure did. It’s not as rare as you’d think. People do all kinds of crazy shit to make their parents happy.”

“But you could have died.”

I neglected to mention that I almost did. “Coulda died driving to the school or practice. Coulda died crossing the road to get the mail.”

“Pretty sure the odds are much higher when you’re on active duty.”

She had a point, so I shrugged.

Tina sat back, frowning, and I could almost see the wheels spinning in her head.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Do you think Dylan’s always gonna want to make his dad proud?”

Just thinking about that piece of shit having any control whatsoever of Dylan’s emotional security made me grind my teeth. Matt didn’t deserve a kid as cool as Dylan.

Or a wife as sweet and caring as Tina.

Instead of answering her question, I blurted out one of my own. “Why’d you marry him?”

Her eyebrows rose.

“I mean… forget that. Fuck. You don’t have to tell me nuthin’. Excuse my nosy ass and pretend I didn’t ask.”

“No.” She drained the last of her wine. “I want to explain. He… You have to understand… he wasn’t that bad.”

“Okay.” Talk about the last thing I wanted to hear from her mouth. Not that bad? The fucker had tried to strangle her.

“At least, not at first,” she corrected. “I… I met him at a party my sophomore year of college. I hadn’t been to many parties, and I was young, inexperienced, and it was all so overwhelming. Er… that’s what I thought. Turned out the room was spinning from more than cheap booze and social anxiety. Someone roofied me. I don’t remember much about the experience.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, but I got lucky.” She grabbed my arm, and her hands felt good around my bicep. Comfortable, like they were meant to be there. “Matt found me passed out in a corner, and he took me to his apartment. Put me in his bed and let me sleep it off.”

“I’ll bet he did.”

“He didn’t try anything.” She gave my arm a squeeze. “When I woke up, I was fully dressed and… nothing had happened. He didn’t take advantage of my situation. He brought me Gatorade and soup and let me hang out there until I recovered. Then, he asked me out. I wasn’t really into him, but he was nice, and he’d rescued me from what could have been a very bad situation. I felt like I owed him a shot.”

“Like hell!” I stood to refill our drinks. “If I ever have a daughter, the first thing I’m gonna teach her is that she doesn’t owe anyone shit. I don’t know why society teaches girls to be grateful when boys act like decent human beings. Helping someone who’s drugged is basic human decency. It shouldn’t qualify him for some claim on your life.” I was getting worked up, but the whole scenario sounded a little too convenient to me. “You sure he’s not the one who roofied you in the first place? Maybe he wanted to show up and play hero.” I’d been around the block enough times to know how common that was.

She shrugged. “I’ve thought about it, but there’s no way to know for sure. He shouldn’t have even been at that party. He wasn’t a student. He’d already gotten his degree and was working for a big tech company. Strangely enough, he looked familiar. I could have sworn I’d seen him around campus.” She shook her head. “Anyway, he was really nice. He opened doors, paid for dinners, and made me feel like I was something special. I’d been so focused on my education, but… he was an unexpected distraction. There was no spark or magic or anything, but I didn’t really believe in all of that. I thought we could build something.”

A spark didn’t even begin to describe what I felt for Tina. And I had a pretty good idea she felt the same. She said she didn’t believe in it—past tense—but I wondered if she was a believer now. The question lingered on the tip of my tongue, but I refused to ask it. She was finally letting me in, and I didn’t want her to clam up again.

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