Page 42 of Centering Kaos

“He’s nice, Mom. His house is safe.” Dylan met my gaze, his big green eyes solemn and honest. “You don’t even fall down the stairs here.”

My chest squeezed, sucking all the oxygen out of my lungs. The first time Matt had beaten me, he’d fed that lie to our son. I’d never corrected him… never told Dylan that it wasn’t the stairs.

But I always wondered if he knew the truth.

Dylan wasn’t stupid, after all, and after Matt had tried to kidnap him from the park…

Dylan yawned and headed into his bedroom. Still in a daze, I followed. He dressed in pajamas and handed me his wet towel. On autopilot, I took it to the bathroom and hung it up before returning to tuck my son in. I kissed his forehead and headed for the door.

Someone knocked.

Dylan cried out, “Come in!” as I braced myself.

“Hey, buddy, you wanted me to come in and tell you goodnight?” he said, still holding onto the door.

“Yeah.” Dylan nodded, gesturing for Kaos to come closer. As Kaos approached, my son said, “I’ve been thinking about it, and I want a hockey name, too.”

“You do, huh?” Kaos asked with a barely suppressed smile.

He met my gaze and my knees felt weak.

“You don’t even fall down the stairs here,”Dylan’s voice said in the back of my mind. It played on a loop, reminding me that my son was observant. He saw way more than he should, and had to be picking up on the emotions between me and Kaos.

“You got a name in mind?” Kaos asked.

“Mayhem,” Dylan replied.

Kaos chuckled. “That’s one you’re gonna have to earn, buddy. We’ll talk about it the next time we get you on the ice. You thought anymore about those turns I showed you?”

He was so good with Dylan it made my heart ache. Was this what a dad was supposed to be like? I’d never had one and I didn’t know…

But Kaos wasn’t Dylan’s dad. He was just a good man, letting us stay in his house. There might be feelings developing between us, but it was too soon for all that. Hadn’t I learned my lesson the last time?

I needed to get out of there… to go somewhere I could get my head on straight and my emotions under control. They were talking about stretches when I slipped out.

13

Kaos

MAN CAVES ARE traditionally located in basements or garages. Mine could be found on the third-floor landing of my house. Dark wooden shelves stocked with pictures, awards, and memorabilia from my hockey and Army days lined one full wall of the room, reminding me of where I’d been and what I’d accomplished. The opposite wall held a seventy-seven inch, 4k television, adjacent to a built-in fully stocked bar. It had been a major selling point of the house. Not because I was a lush or anything, but because it looked classy and grown up, and twenty-four-year-old me had been desperate to be seen as an adult.

Slipping behind the bar, I eyed the beer fridge, immediately dismissing it. The three beers I’d already drunk had done nothing for me. Tonight called for something stronger.

I wasn’t usually much of a drinker. Sure, I enjoyed the taste of a fine scotch or bourbon as much as the next guy, but I rarely overindulged. The last time I’d been rip-roaring drunk had come with four years of consequences, teaching me to pay closer attention to my limits. A wiser man would have marched right past the bar and locked himself in his bedroom, but unfortunately, I lacked both wisdom and willpower at the moment. I went straight for the hard shit, pouring myself a tumbler of twenty-five-year-old single-malt scotch. Flavor exploded on my tongue before burning all the way down.

It was some good shit.

Skating with Dylan had left me feeling sticky and in need of a shower. Leaving my glass on the bar, I headed through my attached bedroom and into the bathroom, shedding clothes as I went. Jerking off in the shower had become a necessity since Tina moved in, and as I stepped beneath the stream, my cock immediately rose to the occasion. With my thoughts affixed on her curves, it only took a couple of minutes to rub one out. The release helped sate my need, but it was far from satisfying. Kind of like settling for a salad when your body’s craving steak and potatoes that’ll stick to your ribs and last a while. Sure, the snack would keep me from starving to death, but it wasn’t what I wanted—what I needed—and I’d be hungry again in no time.

Toweling off, I slipped on a pair of sweats and headed back into my man cave. I wanted to keep walking… head right down those stairs and knock on Tina’s bedroom door. The more I thought about it, the harder it was to remember why that’d be a bad idea. Forcing myself to sit my ass down on a barstool, I considered my options and changed objectives.

Tonight, drinking wasn’t about enjoying a glass of good scotch.

No. If I was going to drink, I needed to get my ass so drunk I couldn’t move. That way, I’d have no choice but to stay upstairs and away from her. Plan in place, I let the liquor burn away my thoughts as I pulled out my phone and selected a playlist, connecting it to the surround sound. The feel-good vibes of Hawaiian music filtered through the room, easing some of the tension from my shoulders. I relaxed, letting the tunes carry away my worries while I drank alone.

Only I wasn’t alone for long.

As I finished the last of my second glass, Tina called out my name, her voice sounding uncertain as it rose up the stairwell from below. Turning, I spotted the top of her head. As she climbed, the rest of her appeared in a tantalizing reveal that had my full attention. She’d changed into a pair of sleep shorts that showed off her shapely legs and a loose T-shirt that did little to hide the fact she wasn’t wearing a bra. Especially with her still wet hair dripping on it.

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