Page 38 of Centering Kaos

Following me toward the locker room, he said, “I’ve had a lot goin’ on, Kaos.”

He sure had, but it was an excuse that could easily become a crutch. “So?”

He frowned. “I’m not perfect, okay?”

I bit back a laugh. “Nobody expects you to be, buddy. You ever hear of Socrates?”

Dylan shook his head.

“He was a great Greek philosopher who said, ‘The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on the fighting of the old, but the building of the new.’ You understand what that means?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“So, level with me. Did your parents’ breakup make you dumb?”

He gaped at me. “No!”

“Lazy?” I asked.

“I’m not lazy,” he snapped.

“Good.” I put his borrowed skates back where they went before grabbing my bag. “Because I’m not teaching some dumb, lazy kid hockey. If you want to learn from me, you’re gonna have to stay up on your grades, and don’t think your bullshit excuses will get you out of anything. Trust me. I was your age once, and I used them all.”

He eyed me. “You did? Were you dumb or lazy?”

The shithead turned my own words against me. It was everything I could do to keep from laughing my ass off. Mussing up his hair, I answered, “Neither. I was a smartass little punk who thought I knew all there was to know. Good thing I had a crusty old coach to set me straight.”

He grinned up at me. “Good thing I got one of those, too.”

12

Tina

I’D BEEN EXPECTING a relaxing spa day with Carisa, but my newfound friend betrayed me. Instead, we drove out to Bellevue, where she parked in front of a massive two-story home and gave me a sheepish smile.

“Where are we?” I asked, looking for some sort of sign that the residence doubled as a spa.

“I’m sorry, Tina. I fucked up.”

The hair on the back of my neck rose as the implication of her words hit me. I could only think of one way she could really fuck up: Matt.

No.

That was impossible. She didn’t even know about him.

Unless Kaos had said something.

Kaos had delivered the divorce papers to Matt. Had my ex somehow gotten through to him? Maybe they’d exchanged numbers. Matt would no doubt love the opportunity to share his convoluted side of the story. I’d heard him spin a tale and knew perfectly well that he could come out of any situation smelling like roses and innocence. Kaos had been avoiding me all week… disappearing after we dropped Dylan off at school until it was time to pick him up again. Maybe Matt had filled his head with lies, and now Carisa was in on it.

Implausible as the idea was, I couldn’t help my brain from fixating on it. After all, I’d never imagined my husband would become some psycho woman beater who was no doubt plotting my murder, but here we were.

“Define effed up,” I said. My voice sounded funny. Hollow. My pulse raced and my hands started to tremble.

I didn’t think Carisa noticed, because instead of answering my question she climbed out of her car and gestured for me to follow. I didn’t. I couldn’t. Half expecting Matt to come barging out of the house, I watched the door and willed myself to move. To get the hell out of there.

It felt like I was underwater again, kicking and splashing, about to drown.

My car door opened and Carisa blocked it, concern etched in the lines of her face. “Breathe, Tina.”

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