Page 26 of Centering Kaos

Yet here I was.

I studied the breathtaking woman before me, noting the pain and longing in her eyes even while her back was straight, her posture unyielding. The man who was supposed to be her teammate had turned on her. Life had shed its gloves and was going at her bare-fisted. Nobody would blame her one bit if she hunkered down and protected herself, but she wasn’t that woman. She’d marched her determined ass into Ladies First and helped them come up with a plan to get back her freedom. She’d stayed in the game with only her sister and her son to support her.

“That sounds lonely,” I said, trying to imagine a world without my crazy family. I couldn’t. They were so ingrained in the very fabric of my being, I had no idea what my life would be like without them. I didn’t even want to think about it.

I wanted to tell her how badass I thought she was, but Dylan kept bouncing off the walls, and she was distracted, needing to take care of him. Besides, she wasn’t mine to lift up. She was still married. With a fucking kid.

The realization hit me like a sucker punch. Sure, she and her piece of shit husband had been separated for seven months and she’d filed for divorce, but still. Secretly lusting after her curvy body was one thing. Wanting to be a part of her life? That should feel wrong.

Right?

So why the fuck didn’t it?

Shaking my head at my sudden willingness to break my moral code for this woman, I led her to her room. I intended to drop her ass off and get out of there, but the sight of her staring out at the city, looking so vulnerable and alone knocked me sideways. She tugged at impulses I didn’t even know I had, making it almost impossible to keep my hands off her and walk out the goddamn door.

But she had enough going on without me planting myself in her life, demanding attention she didn’t have to give. I needed to back off and let her figure shit out first. Maybe a little time and self-control would help me get past whatever the fuck kept tugging me toward her.

As fucked-up as it was, I wanted her in my bed.

A good old-fashioned ride on my cock would no doubt do wonders for her psyche. For a few hours, I could make her forget all about that abusive shitstain she’d married, and remind her of her own power as a gorgeous, sexual being. She deserved pleasure, passion, and release, and I could damn well give that all to her.

But what would happen afterward?

Tina didn’t strike me as a fuck-and-forget-it woman. Even if she was, I couldn’t imagine any mom having the luxury of no-strings-attached sex. If I somehow managed to get into her pants, the experience would no doubt be followed up by an awkwardness—and maybe even regret—that would make her feel unwelcome in my home.

No matter how much I wanted her, she and Dylan needed the safe haven I’d provided, and I refused to let my aching cock take away their security.

Still, it took everything in me to drag my ass away from her door.

When I finally did, I found Dylan exactly where I knew he’d be. Chuckling, I stepped into the room I’d had furnished and decorated for my nieces and nephews and shook my head. The kid had a virtual reality headset on and was standing in the center of the room waving the controllers wildly.

“Beat Saber?” I asked.

“Yep. I’m killin’ it.” He swung a few more times, stopped, and pushed the headset up to his forehead so he could see me. “You have the coolest shit, Kaos.”

“Why thank you, but I don’t think your mom would appreciate that language.”

He dropped his gaze, frowning, and I could almost feel my upgraded status slipping away. “You use those words,” he said.

I nodded. “I also pay my own bills. Regardless, you better believe I don’t cuss in front of my mom.”

“Why not?”

“It would upset her, and she’s a good woman who’s done a lot for me. I don’t like to upset her. You see, the sum of who you are and what you do in life can be attributed to the people around you. Part of growing up is realizing who’s helped you out and sacrificed to get you where you are in life. My dad worked a lot, so it fell on my mom’s shoulders to get me to hockey practice. I’m sure she had other stuff she would have rather done, but she didn’t miss a single game when I was growing up. I could always look up in the stands and see her cheering me on. Why would I want to disrespect someone who was always in my corner?”

He stared at me, his expression thoughtful. “That’s a fair point, I suppose.”

I bit back a laugh. “It’s a damn good point. Now, time to put the game up for the night.” I held out my hand and he reluctantly handed over the headset and controllers. I stashed them in the highest cabinet to dissuade him from trying to get them down. “You can play with the VR set again tomorrow. If you touch it before then, I’ll take it away for a week. Understand?”

He nodded. Dylan was a smart kid who needed to know where the lines were drawn and what the consequences would be if he crossed them.

“Good. Follow the rules and we’ll get along just fine. As you can tell, I like kids to have fun while they’re in my house.”

Dylan nodded again, his gaze taking in the three sets of bunk beds, the fifty-two-inch television with multiple game consoles attached, the bean bags, the chest of nerf guns and bullets, and the bookshelf stocked with handheld game machines and games. “It’s weird that you don’t have any kids,” he said.

I chuckled. “Yeah. I like to go a little overboard when it comes to spoiling my nieces and nephews. They’re good kids who work hard in school and I think that shit should be rewarded, you know?”

He dropped his gaze guiltily and gave me a shrug. “Yeah. I guess.” He’d come around eventually. The kid just needed a little time and guidance.

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