Page 25 of Centering Kaos

Kaos frowned. “Did you go into the foster system?”

“No. Mom’s brother, Uncle Ralph, took us in. He wasn’t much of a kid person, but he and his wife made sure we were fed and educated. They moved to Arizona after Elenore graduated. Did their duty and split. We’re not really close.” I didn’t mean to air my family’s dirty laundry, but I was afraid he’d think I was a bad person who’d burned my bridges. My bridges were intact, they just didn’t lead to anyone.

Kaos frowned and took a step closer, his eyes full of compassion. “That sounds lonely.”

Dylan danced around at the top of the stairs, reminding me I needed to get him bathed and to bed. “I gotta get him wound down,” I said.

Kaos nodded. “There are four bedrooms on this floor. Check ’em out and pick one, Dylan.”

Dylan shot off like a shot.

“No running in the house!” I shouted after him.

Shuffling his feet, he slowed his pace and slipped through a doorway. Hoping he wasn’t getting into anything, I turned to face Kaos. “We shouldn’t leave him alone.”

“He’s fine,” Kaos said. “Nothing here will hurt him, and nothing’s irreplaceable.” He led me toward a door across the hall. “He’s going to choose the room next door to this one. It was a second master, but I had it made into a kid’s room. He’ll love it. You can stay here, so you’re close to him.”

Like the rest of the house, the bedroom was tastefully decorated in grey, black, and white with a queen-sized bed, situated between two giant windows. We were on a hill, and the lights of Seattle shimmered below us. The day had been clear, and above, the rising moon was surrounded by twinkling stars. The entire view was stunning, and I found myself glued to it, wondering how I fit into this massive, intimidating world now. Despite the insanity that came afterward, Matt had been served divorce papers. Emily would file them in the morning, and in three months, I’d be free of him. I wondered where I’d go and what I’d do.

For the first time in a long time, I felt hopeful.

“This is amazing,” I said. “Thank you.”

He nodded. “You’re welcome.” I didn’t take my gaze off the view, but I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He was watching me, much like I watched the view. I wondered what he saw. An abused woman trying to get her feet under her? A victim? Something more? No. I couldn’t think about that right now. I pushed away from the wall.

Kaos was still watching me. He pointed toward a door. “Closet.” To another door, he said, “Bathroom. Like I said, please, make yourself comfortable. If you need anything at all, there’s a white board on the side of the fridge. My cousin will be here tomorrow. Carisa cleans and shops for me, and she’ll pick up whatever you put on that board. I’m gonna tell Dylan goodnight, and then head upstairs. I have some calls to make, but if you need me, the staircase that leads to my room is at the end of the hall.

Knowing that this kind, beautiful man would be sleeping one floor up from me made my stomach feel strange again. I thanked him again and he stepped out of the room, giving me a moment alone before I had to track down my son and coax him into the bathtub. I collapsed on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, trying to make sense of how I felt.

Safe.

The word thrummed through me over and over like a prayer. Dylan and I were safe.

At least, for now.

9

Kaos

ICOULDN’T STOP touching Tina. Her shoulder, her back, her arm, her neck, every inch of her body called to me like I was a goddamn kid again, and she was a new texture I had yet to discover. It started with an accidental brush of our arms, and before I knew it, I had my hand on the small of her back, relishing in the curve that flared out to her ass.

I liked touching her. It felt… right somehow. And the more I touched her, the harder it was to stop. I probably would have draped my arm over her shoulders, but that seemed a little too familiar. She was a mom with all the responsibilities that came with the title, and I needed to restrain myself and respect her role. The luggage had to be carried upstairs, so that kept my hands busy for a few minutes.

But then she stopped to study my family photos, and the fucking bone deep loneliness that emanated from her made me itch to drop everything and comfort her. Eyes soft with a sad smile ghosting her lips, she stared at the picture of my parents, talking about what had happened to her own. Her odd, estranged relationship with her uncle really threw me for a loop. I couldn’t imagine living a life without family up in your business all the time.

All Tina had was Elenore and Dylan.

Yet she was so strong, so goddamn unbreakable. Life had heaped extra helpings of shit onto her shoulders, but she didn’t give up. She was here, fighting for herself and Dylan, and I respected the hell out of her hustle.

She was wounded, but she was still in the game.

I wanted to call a time out so I could wrap my arms around her and shield her from the world.

Then, I wanted to kick myself for even considering such a thing.

She’d already had one asshole impose his will on her, she sure as shit didn’t need another. Besides, I wasn’t a shield; I was a center. I was all about that offense. My game plan included plays like breaking away from the defenders to score the game winning goal. Never in my life had I even considered hunkering down and protecting home. That sounded more like a goalie than anything.

Goalies had the hardest job on the ice—and I had every respect for them—but I’d never wanted to be one.

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