Page 32 of Taming Bull

That probably wasn’t a thing, but I was going with it. Affirmations stuck on repeat in my head, I waded through happy couples and competed for the affection of their children. I wasn’t sure how many times I needed to lie to myself before I brainwashed my subconscious into not constantly seeking out Bull, but I had to be making progress. I’d turned avoiding him into a goal, and I crushed goals. I made goals my bitches.

My gaze unconsciously landed on the source of my torment, and I wanted to kick my own ass.

Dammit!I was doing so good.

Since Hailey was on my hip, dancing with me to the music, I couldn’t very well beat my head against the wall, but I was tempted. Still, I needed to keep moving so the five-year-old little ball of energy would forget how badly she wanted to play with Trent. Unfortunately, he sprinted by, flying a plastic dragon over his head. It was too much temptation for her to handle. She tugged on my shirt and asked to be put down. Understanding how she felt—it was taking everything within me not to chase after my own best friend—I briefly considered pretending I couldn’t hear her over the music and surrounding conversations. I’d be doing the girl a favor. If she learned to deny herself now, it’d save her so much trouble in the long run.

But, why delay the inevitable?

I set her down and she scurried off in the direction Trent had disappeared in, without so much as a goodbye. Trying not to feel completely abandoned, I refocused on the many blessings of my life. Grandma used to say gratitude was the key to happiness. I had more to be grateful for now, than ever. Joy should be oozing out of my goddamn pores like oil and dead skin cells. Contentment should be radiating from me like fucking sunshine.

So, why did I feel so gloomy?

My gaze shot to Bull.

Dammit!

Maybe I needed a rubber band around my wrist that I could snap every time I saw him. Or possibly a shock collar? Hot sauce was another option, but it wouldn’t work for me. When I was still sucking my thumb past my toddler days, Grandma used to dip it in Tapatio, thinking the heat would cure me of the habit. Instead, I’d discovered my love for spice. A rubber band or a shock collar would probably just push me into masochism.

How did I get this fucked up?

Bull was once again in my sights.

I’d most likely have to gouge out my eyeballs to break this addiction.

It frustrated me to no end that he wouldn’t talk to me. Couldn’t he see how perfect we were together? They say friends make the best lovers, and he’d been my best friend for two years. How could he cut me off like this?

Wasn’t he lonely without me?

Stop, Lily. That way lies madness.

I missed my grandma. My hand instinctively reached for the necklace she’d given me, as if touching it could conjure up the wisdom of a woman who’d been gone for almost three years. If she were alive today, she’d tell me to keep on counting my blessings.

Then again, maybe not.

Grandma’s advice was rarely what I expected, but always what I needed. And I didn’t need to count my blessings, because I wasn’t short on gratitude. Hell, I had gratitude up the wazoo.

What I didn’t have, was Bull.

“How are you, Lil?” Carly asked, interrupting my introspection. Out of all the ol’ ladies, Carly was the closest to my age, but being a single mom meant she was lightyears ahead in maturity. To be honest, I felt a tad intimidated by how much she’d accomplished in her life. We’d both fled to Seattle to start a new life, but where I had struggled just to pull myself up by my bootstraps, Carly had done it with a kid holding her down and a stalker on her tail. She was tough and resilient, and I kind of wanted to be her when I grew up.

Not wanting her to worry about me and my non-existent love life, I pasted on a smile. “I’m good. How are you?”

The concern in her eyes said she could see right through me. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Totally. I’m great.” My gaze dropped down to her belly where the cutest little baby bump was beginning to show. I wasn’t sure if I’d been too upset to notice the bump when Carly drove me home, or if she’d just started showing in the past two weeks, but the evidence was definitely there now. Monica had been right to fear the contagion of pregnancy, because babies were popping up all over this club. “Stocks said Wasp announced your pregnancy during church. Congratulations.”

Carly was a natural girl-next-door beauty, but right then, her smile was stunning. It lit up her entire being as her hand landed on her belly. I’d seen glowing pregnant women before, but this was different. More. She freaking radiated.

“Thank you,” she said. “We didn’t want to tell anyone until after the first trimester, but it looks like we barely passed that hurdle in time. I’m much bigger than I was with Trent at this stage, and I’m not sure how much longer we could have keptthisa secret.”

“Well, you look gorgeous. Is Trent happy about becoming a big brother?”

“Thank you.” Carly’s gaze cut to where her seven-year-old son was playing with Hailey. “And he’s over the moon about it. I don’t even think he cares whether it’s a girl or a boy. He’s just excited to have another friend to play with. It’s crazy how well he’s thrived here at the club. Thinking back to how awful things were when I first moved to Seattle… I… it’s overwhelming. I don’t know what I would have done if Flint hadn’t taken a chance and offered me a job at the Copper Penny.” Her eyes welled up and two fat tears rolled down her cheeks. Surprise raised her eyebrows, and then she laughed and brushed the moisture away. “Sorry. Pregnancy hormones. They’re kinda stupid. The waterworks randomly go off and I don’t know why. I’m not even sad.”

No, she sure wasn’t. It was like Carly had her own joyful atmosphere, and I felt lighter and more at ease just being near her. “Are you still working?” I hadn’t been back to the bar since my fight with Bull, so I wasn’t sure.

“I just gave notice. Flint grumbled and threatened to kick Wasp’s ass for knocking up his best bartender, but I know that sweet ol’ grouch is secretly happy for us. Icouldwork up until my due date—I did with Trent—but Wasp won’t hear none of it. I swear, that man would like nothing more than to cover me in bubble wrap and stick me on the sofa with my feet hiked up for the next six months.”

---