Page 35 of Taming Bull

Bull joined me, sitting at the opposite end, as far away as he could get. Since it was a loveseat, and he was tall, he couldn’t keep our knees from touching. “I’m… I’m sorry about the way I treated you at the shop,” he started.

His apology was unexpected, and I shrugged it off. “That’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Lily, and I’m sorry if I did. There’s… I… I know you want more from me than friendship, and I can’t give you what you’re lookin’ for. I thought it would be easier to go our separate ways.”

His admission felt like a kick to my sternum. I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure what a sternum was, but whatever it was reeled from his blow. “Easier for who?” I asked. When he didn’t answer, I continued. “Because I gotta be straight with you, Bull, I hate the way we’re avoiding each other right now. This isn’t easier. I miss you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picked up my phone to text or call you, only to remember that your ass won’t respond. It sucks. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, and I don’t understand why. Don’t you miss me at all?”

His frown deepened. “Yes. Of course I do.”

I froze, surprised he’d actually admitted it. “Then why are you pushing me away?”

He looked away, and his chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “There’s a lot of shit you don’t know about me.”

“Then tell me!” I pleaded. “My God, Bull, I’ve never once judged you. You can tell me anything. That’s what I thought we were doing with this whole friendship thing. Everyone else thinks I’m an orphan. You’re the only one who knows my asshole parental units left me with my grandma and split. I trusted you with all my secrets. Why won’t you trust me with yours?”

His shoulders fell in defeat. “Because I’m an idiot, and I thought keeping it to myself would make shit easier.”

“If you push me away again, I swear I will buy every snake in Seattle and put them in your bed.” Since he was terrified of snakes, it was a solid threat.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Test me, motherfucker.”

We locked gazes. I studied the grey of his eyes, refusing to so much as blink. Finally, he smirked and broke. “I can’t believe how much I missed this shit.”

He did miss me. I knew it. Doing my best not to gloat, I channeled Carly and said, “Spill, buck-o.”

“Fine.” He sat back. “Before I left the Navy, I was engaged.”

His admission somehow managed to suck all the oxygen from the room. I’d known about Amber, but engaged? That was new and unwelcome information.

“Her name was Amber, and I’d grown up with her.”

“Did you love her?” I blurted out, unable to help myself. Then I wondered exactly how much of my foot I could shove into my mouth. “Don’t answer that. I mean, of course you loved her. You asked her to marry you.” And knowing he’d loved someone like that hurt so bad I couldn’t do anything but ramble. Clearly.

“That’s the funny thing. I honestly don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and… it’s complicated. Our parents were close, she was sweet, and I always knew we’d end up together. I don’t know if it was love so much as familiarity and acceptance. I don’t think she loved me, though.”

His obvious pain made my heart ache for him. “Why?” How could anyonenotlove Bull? He was so damn loveable it was all I could do to keep my hands off him.

He shrugged. “She didn’t reach out to me. I thought we were thick as thieves, but when she was hurting and broken, she took her own life instead of coming to me. She didn’t trust me. Fuck. I… I wish I would have done shit differently.”

Unable to stay away from him any longer, I closed the distance between us and put my hand on his shoulder. “You were both so young. Just kids, trying to figure yourselves out. What do you honestly think you could have changed?

Head bowed, he answered, “I could have stayed home. I didn’t have to join the Navy.”

“You wanted to travel… to see the world. You think Amber would have wanted to keep you from that? Even if she did, you would have resented her for tying you down.”

He stiffened. “I wouldn’t have resented her.”

“Not intentionally, but you would have. You love Seattle. You’re a city boy at heart. I’ve never heard you say one positive thing about Shiner, Texas.”

“We have decent beer.”

I snorted. “Okay. One positive thing.”

He frowned. “Well, I guess the joke’s on me, because I still didn’t get to see much of the world.”

I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help myself. He was just so damn stubborn sometimes. “Listen, Bull-head, you’re not dead. There’s still plenty of time to see the world. I want to travel. I’ve never even been on an airplane, and I’ve always wanted to fly somewhere. Anywhere. Hawaii. Canada. Australia. Italy. I don’t even care, I want to see them all. I’ll come with you. We can save up money and travel around our work schedules.”

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