Page 57 of Still Burning

I shook my head. “No. No. I—I don’t have my phone,” I said, afraid to even verbalize it. As if my words had the power to make it real. And if it was real then…I’d have to go through that all over again. Wanting it, loving it, and knowing I was going to lose it.

“What was on your phone that you need?” he asked me, putting the bottle down on the counter beside me.

“My reminder,” I replied in a hoarse whisper.

“What reminder?”

I stared at his chest for several moments, then lifted my eyes to his. “The one that reminds me to take my birth control shot.”

A small grin tugged on his lips. “Yeah, I thought that might be it.” His hands closed over mine, and he stood up.

He was happy about it. That might just break me even more. He didn’t know. He hadn’t been through it. The pain and grief. This time, it would be so much worse because I’d have to watch while Nixie’s stomach grew rounder and her baby developed safely in her womb.

He pulled me up, and I went numb.

He studied me, then frowned. “You’re not happy about it.”

I wanted to be. I wanted to be elated. But that would only make it hurt more in the end.

I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to see his face. “I can’t…I can’t carry a baby full-term.” My voice cracked. “I always miscarry. I stopped trying after I lost the third baby.” I shook my head and buried my face into my hands as a sob shook my shoulders.

Rome’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me to his chest. “It’ll be okay,” he said. “I’ll get you the best OB-GYN in the southeast. We will see a specialist.”

I shook my head. That wouldn’t help. I had done that the last time. “It doesn’t matter. I tried that. I still lost it at nine weeks.”

“I swear to you that I will do everything in my power to keepthat from happening this time, but if it does, that doesn’t change us. We have each other. And that is all I need. You. I just need you. You’re my home, Angel Face. You always have been.”

My sobs came harder, and I clung to his shirt as I buried my face in his chest. I knew he loved me, but he didn’t understand the longing I had to be a mom. To hold our baby in my arms. To watch it grow. Have a family.

“This time,” he said, pressing his mouth against my head, “I will be there. Right beside you. Holding you, reminding you how much I love you and just need you. I will be there.”

He said, “This time.”

I sniffled, then leaned back to look at his face.

“I know,” he whispered. “And it tears me up to think about it. I won’t ever be able to forgive myself or go back and do things differently. But I can swear to you that there will never be a day that I walk this earth that I’m not right by your side.”

“You know?” I asked, wanting clarification on what it was he knew.

He pressed a kiss to the tip of my nose. “I know about our baby,” he said softly.

“How?”

He hadn’t known then. Had he? He wouldn’t have left me alone if he had?

A fresh wave of hurt began to build.

“By accident,” he said. “When the Mafia go looking for someone, they do their research. Background checks. That I refused to look at because it was invading your privacy. Until Blaise mentioned the miscarriage around the time it would have been my baby. Not Eamon’s. So, I looked at the medical record.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve never loathed myself more than at that moment.”

There was nothing in my background that I had to hide. But I appreciated his not wanting to look at it. His knowing lifting aheaviness off me. Maybe I should have told him already. Faced that demon and dealt with it head-on.

“You said I didn’t have any flaws. Now, you know my worst one.”

His brows drew together. “That isn’t a fucking flaw, Angel Face. You are flawless,” he said in a fierce tone. “And maybe it’s the way it is because fate knows I wouldn’t share you very well.”

A sad laugh passed my lips.

He smiled at me. “No more tears today. I need to see you smile. Unless you’re coming on my cock, and then you can cry out.”

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