Page 4 of Still Burning

What had I done?That was the motherfucking question.

I heard the gravel under the wheels as a car spun out, and I broke into a sprint. She was upset and driving. If something happened to her because of this, I’d…I’d…I wouldn’t be able to live through that. I wasn’t sure I was going to live through this.

I heard Mindy call my name as I ran toward the front of the shop. By the time I made it to the parking lot, there were no cars, except for Mindy’s black Nissan.

“Goddammit!” I shouted, shoving my hands into my hair as my eyes burned almost as brutally as my chest.

I couldn’t breathe. I was shaking. Everywhere. I pulled at my hair, staring at nothing and only seeing Salem’s anguished expression on her beautiful face. My actions had done that. I’d put that look there. I’d hurt her.

But wasn’t that what I had wanted to do? Make her leave me because I couldn’t leave her? Ending things with Salem would be like taking a blade to my chest and carving out my heart.

The idea of it had caused me to fucking drink at work. All day.

Until Brick left and Mindy started throwing herself at me more than she had already done.

When she followed me out back, where I was taking out the trash, I decided to close my eyes and pretend it was Salem, knowing when I was sober, the guilt would gnaw at me so much that maybe I could send her away. Maybe this would be what I needed to force my hand.

Never had I meant for Salem to see it.

Jesus Christ, what had I done?

“Rome! What’s wrong?” Mindy cried out behind me.

Her footsteps sounded as if she was running too. I didn’t notice her.

I released my hair, and my hands fell to my side.

Since my mom had been lowered into that grave, I’d only felt anything when I was with Salem. Except my mom’s words had ruined even that for me. I didn’t hold Salem the way I wanted to. I did everything I could to keep from touching her. I knew if I let myself cling to the only joy that I felt in this life by being with her, kissing her, burying myself in her that I’d never let her go.

She’d been unsure and worried, and I couldn’t look at her because all I wanted to do was grab her and reassure her that she was the only thing in this life that mattered to me. What she’d just witnessed was something I’d never wanted her to see. That wasn’t the way I wanted to lose her. I’d been trying to make her want a life without me. Not cause her pain. I was the only onewho was supposed to be hurt by this.

Mom had been right. Salem was going to give it all up for me. She’d even mentioned that she might stay longer instead of going back to school. If I allowed it, she’d stay with me, and I’d cling to her—I wouldn’t be ablenotto. And in the end, she’d hate me for it when she looked back ten years from now and saw that she’d lost her dream because of me. I’d fucking hate me too.

I already hated myself. I’d never forgive myself for this.

A hand touched my arm, and I jerked away from it as if it were acid. Snapping my head around, I glared down at Mindy. It wasn’t her fault, but so much hate and agony were crashing around inside me that I needed somewhere to unleash it.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked incredulously.

Everything. Everything was wrong.

“Salem saw us.” My voice sounded hoarse.

She scrunched her nose. “Is that your girlfriend’s name? The one who comes by here sometimes?”

I shook my head. “She’s not my girlfriend.” I said the words that had always been too weak for what Salem was. It went way beyond girlfriend.

“Then what is she? Because she acts like it.”

I struggled to pull in oxygen before I replied, “My home. She’s my home.”

Present Day

The lights were on in Pepper’s bar when I followed Liam inside, but it still looked dark after I’d been in the bright sun. I squinted while my eyes adjusted. When I could finally see clearly, I saw a tall blonde woman, wearing a pair of bright blue-rimmed glasses, standing near the taped outline of where Hatter’s dead body had been. She was looking at the two of us as we made our way toward her.

“He wasn’t that big of a man, was he?” she mused, then turned her gaze to the outline on the floor. “But then Ezra isn’t a big guy either.”

I didn’t know who the fuck Ezra was or why Marlana Newbury was comparing him to one of the Landiagos. Liam had said we were meeting with someone who had some intel on Salem’s husband and who could clear up some things for us. He hadn’t given me any more than that. I guess he didn’t realize I’d met Marlana when she’d been with Salem once before.

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