Page 1 of Still Burning

1

Salem

Eighteen Years Ago

My hands trembled as I held the plastic stick and stared down at the two pink lines. I reached out and gripped the sink in front of me when my knees started to give out. Could this be wrong? Was there such a thing as a false positive on a pregnancy test?

I had no one I could ask. No mother. And Vanna…we’d buried her two days ago.

Rome had been withdrawn and even raised his voice angrily when I mentioned staying longer. My professors had given me two weeks off to grieve the loss of Vanna—who, I’d told them, had raised me, but that wasn’t entirely true. I was getting the notes I missed through my email and recordings of my lectures. I’d taken my first test yesterday through a link that had been sent to me. I was scheduled for another one tomorrow. His reaction to my staying hadn’t made sense. I’d have thought he wanted me here.

I’d told myself that my period was late because of the emotional trauma of seeing Vanna in her last few days, dealing with the aftermath of losing her, and Rome. He hadn’t been the same since we’d left the hospital after she was pronounced dead.

But every day, my anxiety that it hadn’t come got so severe that I was losing sleep. So, I’d bought this to make myself feel better.

Instead, I felt as if the solid ground I had been standing onhad been pulled out from under me, and I was left clinging to something to hold on to. How would I tell Rome this right now? He didn’t need this kind of pressure and worry. It could be wrong. I could buy another one. My bank account was getting dangerously low since I wasn’t able to work. But my job was there, not here.

I had to be sure. Before I told him, I needed to be positive. Or maybe even wait a little while. Give him time to adjust to life without his mother.

I closed my eyes tightly and sucked in a breath. I was going to be okay. It was fine. Rome would be by my side if I was pregnant. I wouldn’t be alone. We’d work this out.

Opening my eyes back up, I lifted my gaze to stare at my reflection in the mirror. I looked the same. There was nothing new about my appearance. This had to be wrong. I probably hadn’t done it correctly. What did I know about pregnancy tests? I’d never seen one until today. I should have read the instructions more carefully. That was all.

Rome still hadn’t come home from work. I’d suggested he not go in this week and take some time, but he’d been adamant that he needed to be there. He wanted the distraction. The way he’d been talking to me, his tone of voice, was so different that I didn’t push. It was as if he didn’t want to be forced to discuss anything. He was gruff and on edge. There was a slight panicky feeling inside my chest when I thought too hard about it. I was being too sensitive and needed to give him space. I’d been doing my best to do just that, but right now, I needed to see him.

I needed the reassurance of having him close. Knowing I wasn’t alone. That he wanted me. The insecurity that I’d lived with most of my life started to nudge me, reminding me it was a monster that hadn’t truly gone away. Rome and Vanna had just made me forget that it lingered in the darkness of my mind. A quiet whisper, telling me I wasn’t worth loving. That I was flawed.That I was unwanted. It grew louder in my ear every time Rome pulled away from me. Seeing him would put it back in its place. Locked away.

The eight-year-old Honda Civic that Vanna had helped me buy before I left for college was almost empty, and I’d need to put gas in it to get back from the bike repair shop where Rome worked, but I could get there at least. More money I didn’t need to be spending, but my mental health required that I see Rome.

Driving the twenty-three miles to him was fast since most of it was on the interstate. The closer I got, the more anxious I became. I was afraid I’d see him and blurt it out. I knew I couldn’t do that. He’d been through enough this past week.

Before I said anything, I was going to take another test. I had to be sure. This could all be a mistake, and there was no reason to get Rome upset over it. I was upset enough for both of us.

I pulled up beside his bike and parked, then hurried out of my car. The smell of cigarettes lingered in the air as I made my way to the shop. I wondered if Rome had come outside to smoke. He’d been doing it a lot this week. His mom would have been so upset about that, but I wasn’t going to say that to him. If that helped him cope, then it wouldn’t do any permanent damage if it was just while he was grieving. At least, I didn’t think it would.

Just as I pressed my hand against the door to push it open, I heard a familiar deep groan, and I paused. That was a sound I knew well, and a knot began to form in my throat, tightening it. Shaking my head, I drew in a deep breath. My imagination was getting away from me. There were other reasons for him to groan.

Turning, I went around the side of the building toward the back, where I’d heard him. I hoped he wasn’t sick. That should have been my first thought. Why was I jumping to the worst-case scenario?

It was the dang pregnancy test. The stupid thing had me allmessed up in the head.

“That’s it. Suck it deep.” Rome’s deep voice felt like talons sinking into my chest.

My steps slowed. I could think of other reasons for him to moan…but there was only one thing I could think of for the words he’d just uttered.

Every step I took felt as if my feet had turned into concrete blocks, and I was struggling to drag them forward.

“God,” he groaned. “Fuck, that’s good.”

My eyes burned, and my vision blurred. The closer I got, the louder the warning bell in my head clanged, telling me to turn and run. Not to look. If I didn’t see it, then it wasn’t real. This wasn’t happening. But I couldn’t keep myself from the horror waiting for me. The thing that would strip me of all I thought I knew.

“Damn, that’s a slutty mouth, you hungry little cockwhore.”

The voice I loved shredded me with every word.

As I made that last step and turned the corner, the view was one that I knew would change me forever. Nothing would be the same again. All that I thought I had—the security I’d found in loving and being loved by Rome—was snatched from me.

His hand was gripping blonde hair, and his head was thrown back. The girl on her knees in front of him was topless, and I wasn’t sure if she was wearing shorts or if those were her panties. There wasn’t much to them. Hot-pink nails gripped his thighs, and his mouth fell open slightly.

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