Page 55 of The Billionaire & the Nanny: Part 4

“Raymond bailed like the little rat that he is,” he says. “And she was afraid to tell me about the pregnancy with a father who didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby. Afraid I would hate her for it.”

“I’m sorry, sir.”

“It’s alright. My fault for being too strict with her growing up,” he wheezes, coughs, cringes in pain, then breathes again. “You did the right thing, Kase. I don’t judge you.”

His words send me into a tailspin of emotion, inside my chest and head. On the outside, I bite my bottom lip and hold it together.

“I just wanted you to know that I knew. I wanted to tell you I’m sorry for everything you went through with your mother, and then my daughter…raising Liam on your own…”

I didn’t raise him on my own. I had Alana to help me, and there will never be an amount of money to compensate for that help. If I have to, I’ll take care of her financially for years to come as a thank you, if she would accept it. But I know she won’t. Alana’s her own woman.

“Like I said, I would do it again, sir.”

“I’ve done everything I can to make things right,” Roper stutters then coughs. I feel like maybe he shouldn’t be using his energy to tell me any of this.

“Sir, I don’t want anything from you. I appreciate your thanks, but the only thing I could ever want from this fiasco is my son back.” Liam and someone else…Alana. I denied her once before in front of Roper, but I won’t do it again. My feelings for her need to be known. She doesn’t work for me anymore, so there’s no reason to hide it. “And his nanny. I loved your daughter as my friend, but Alana…”

“Is your woman,” Roper finishes for me. “Son, I’ve been around. I know adoration when I see it. I can’t do anything about Liam, unfortunately. He’s Raymond’s biological son, but the girl…go after her.”

I shake my head. “I can’t. She’s gone.”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“Sir?”

“She’s not gone. She’s somewhere waiting for you to tell her. So go tell her.”

I have nothing to say. Like it’s so simple? Like she won’t hate me for leaving her, for taking Liam away, for being a fool who’s too scared to love again. “It’s too painful, sir. I lost my mother then my best friend, even my little boy.” My throat closes as the sobs form. “I couldn’t…”

“Nonsense,” he wheezes and squeezes his fist. “Life’s too short to worry about pain. Pain, so what?” He scoffs. “Pain is tolerable, but love is irreplaceable. The joy you feel cancels out the pain and takes you beyond…” The way he shakes his head and seems to disappear into his memory makes me wonder if he ever had a woman he loved and lost besides Evie’s mother, Greta, who died when Evie was still in high school. One of the reasons we clicked so easily, having both lost our moms early on.

“Stop wasting your time,” Roper mutters then enters a coughing fit so profound, blood tinges his lips. I reach for a tissue and press it to his mouth then toss it into the trash by his bedside. “Stop wasting your time,” he repeats.

Not once does he open his eyes this whole time, but now he pries one open to look at me. Reaching out his hand, he waits for mine. I hesitate to give it to him, because I’ve been here before handing my mother my hand, but this time, something comforts me. Death is inevitable but some of us never get the chance to say goodbye. At least I get to say it with Mr. Roper.

I take his frail hand in mine, and he squeezes.

I have to get out of here before I lose it in front of all those schmucks outside. “Take care, Kase,” Roper says.

“You, too,” I reply, and he smiles. “Say hi to Evie for me. Tell her I love her.” And with that, I let go of the old man’s hand and head for the door.

The same nurse as before comes back in, checks something on the machine, then gestures for the family to come inside and surround Roper’s bed. This is my cue to leave. I’m not family, I’m not a friend. Fuck, I’m not even an employee of his. But just as I’m almost out the door, someone grabs my hand.

Nettie.

With one look and a tilt of her head, I know she would beg to differ. She wants me inside around Roper’s bed with the rest of them. I’m his son-in-law and the man who cared for Evie the most, even if we were only friends. I belong there, her look tells me, and I better get inside for the group farewell, or I’m going to get it.

“Yes, ma’am,” I whisper and follow her inside.

* * *

A week later,I’m sitting in a lawyer’s office overlooking the Metropolitan Museum. Spring is finally here, all the snow has melted, and small tufts of green are starting to sprout all over the lawn. It’s almost Liam’s first birthday. I’ll never forget it. Evie was a trooper and delivered him without any epidural or meds. I told her there wasn’t any reason to be prideful, she could ask for all the medication she needed, but I’ll never forget what she said—the pain felt good, it felt right. It wasn’t the pain of loss or heartbreak like she’d felt her whole pregnancy after Raymond had left her.

It was the pain of joy.

I can’t help but connect this with what Roper told me a week ago today. That pain is a part of life and we shouldn’t stop from living just because of it. For a man whose daughter felt she couldn’t tell him the truth, who we all thought would be judgmental, Roper had some great words of wisdom. Makes me sad that Evie didn’t give her father a chance. That she judged him just as easily as she thought she’d be judged. Like father, like daughter, but none of it matters now.

They’re both gone.

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