Page 33 of The Billionaire & the Nanny: Part 4

“Right,” he adds with difficulty. Uncrossing his arms, he approaches me slowly, reaching out a hand to caress my face. I want to retreat and tell him to go. Thank him for his honesty and the job, but I have to go. Except I can’t. “If we…if we were to, I don’t know…get together again, like the way we’ve been doing, you have to understand that my life and my past will always make it impossible to ever be together.”

Not that I was thinking about a forever kind of thing, but now he has me intrigued.

What about his past would prevent us from ever having a real thing?

Suddenly, I feel sorry for him, more than ever. I appreciate the honesty and the fact that he’s finally letting me in. If only a tiny bit, but that’s what I wanted. His hand cups behind my head. It feels strong, safe, and sweet all at the same time. It’s a touch that reminds me he’s human, and maybe that’s all I needed after his cold treatment.

“I get it,” I tell him. I don’t get it a hundred percent—the man is a walking, talking enigma—but I get it. He will admit to feelings but not commit to anything more. It’s fine. It’s the least I wanted, and I can accept that. I just couldn’t accept his stony refusal.

“You’ll never really get it, Alana. I’ll drive you crazy.” His other hand slips behind my head, and I feel myself falling, the room swirling, my knees weakening. “I’m giving you fair warning, hon. I honestly don’t know why you’d even bother with a man like me.”

I don’t either. He goes against every feminist ideal within me, ideals I was raised on, ideals both my parents instilled in me. I know, in my heart, that this man could never give me love, but maybe I don’t need love right now. Maybe I only want him. He’s hiding so much pain, I see it all over his face and in his eyes. And if I can ease some of that pain, then I think I can be happy with that for now. If it’ll mean being with Kase.

“Tell me what you’re thinking. Please. You have this look on your face.” Grabbing my hair, he twists it into a rope, and part of me feels like a child whose daddy is just getting her ready for bed, not a woman who desperately wants him to kiss her.

My eyes close. “I can tell you’re holding in a lot, Kase. So thanks for telling me this much. You have demons, secrets. You’re tormented like nothing I’ve ever seen, not that I’ve seen much in my twenty-one years.” I laugh lightly. “But all you just said? Showed me you’re a good man, a kind man with a heart. Even though that heart might be broken.”

“I’m not a good man, Alana.”

“You are,” I tell him, opening my eyes and looking straight into his soul. “I grew up watching my parents care for kids. So many so-called ‘fathers’ who barely spent an ounce of time with their kids, but I’ve seen you, Kase. You love Liam. You love him to death. And any man who can do that is a good man to me.”

“Fuck.” He pulls me into his body, and suddenly, my cheek presses against his delicious chest, and he smells so fucking fantastic, I immediately know I won’t be able to resist him. “I need you, Alana. I’ve never told anyone that before.”

Not even his wife?

A million scenarios run through my mind. He keeps saying these things about never opening up, never needing anyone, never putting effort into relationships, but wasn’t he married? The thought occurs to me that maybe he married his late wife out of responsibility for the baby. If that’s the case, he’s still a good man to me.

I don’t know what his demons are, but I’m happy we seem to be getting somewhere.

Suddenly, my face gets tilted up, and I don’t care. At this point, he could move me around like a rag doll, position me however he wants, and I’d follow it. It feels good to be with a man. I’ve avoided men for so long, then the first one I get into sexual situations with happens to be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, and the most difficult, too.

In a fog of lust and confusion, he kisses me, warm mouth pressing over mine, tongue sliding in softly, exploring, tasting, pulling out the anger from me, tossing it aside. I may hate myself in the morning for giving in, but I feel he earned that kiss with his admission. I kiss him back, and it’s hard to tell who wants who more, because suddenly, I’m pulling him toward the bed, falling onto it, and pulling him on top of me.

I want to feel his weight pinning me down, feel his wide back underneath my hands, and feel his lips and tongue raking hot trails of desire across my neck and chest. “Kase…I have to tell you something.” Not that it’s a big deal, but fine, it’s a big deal. “I’ve never done this.”

He pauses, his face buried in my neck, and looks up, lips parted. “I’ve heard you say this before. I thought you meant what we did that day.”

“No. I meant everything. I’ve never done any of this.” I hope that doesn’t stop him. I’ve never been one to save myself for marriage or even a love relationship, because honestly, I just haven’t had time for sex. But if I could hand-pick someone right now to make this long-overdue drought end, then Kase would be my top choice. He already seems to know his way around my body.

His hands caress my collarbone, trace a line across my chest then down my side and around my nipple through my T-shirt. Through the thin fabric, my nipple reacts to his touch, as his mouth slides down and sucks it in through the shirt. Oh God, for as much as we’ve explored in other ways, we’ve skipped a lot of these foreplay things, and now I know why they come first. They’re like appetizers. My core floods with heat, as he moves his mouth to my other tit and sucks in my nipple deep into his mouth through the shirt again.

Holy shit, I could probably come from just him doing this, I want him so badly right now. “Kase, you heard what I said, right? It doesn’t matter to me. I just wanted you to know.”

“I heard you.” He lifts my shirt and hooks it under my chin, and then both his hands cup my tits and he squeezes them together. “Your tits are fucking beautiful, Alana.” From one nipple to the next, he licks and licks again. Just watching his tongue flick me around like that makes my back arc into his mouth. I want him to take more of me.

At this point, I want him to fuck me already. I don’t care if it hurts. I don’t care if I bleed. I don’t care if letting my boss take my virginity is sinful, it feels delicious, and I want it so hard.

“So, you don’t care?”

“I care,” he says, sucking my nipple hard then letting it pop out of his mouth before latching onto the other, bringing me to the brink of deliciousness. “If I didn’t, I’d be fucking you in the ass right now, because that’s what I really want, Alana. I want to take you, soil you, fuck you, and make you mine. Do you understand that?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t think you get it. You don’t understand what’s inside of me, hon. You don’t get that inside this man is something wild.” He plays with my nipples, lightly slapping my breasts, and my body gravitates toward him for more. “You won’t tame me. You won’t change me. You won’t get me to love you either. So you need to understand, little virgin, what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I understand…”

“I don’t think you do,” he breathes. My skin prickles with heat. “I warned you to stop bringing it up, but you insisted. You came to my office, you pulled that shit. I didn’t want to feel, but you threatened to leave, and that’s something I can’t have right now. I can’t tell you why, and you’ll never figure me out. But if you want me to fuck you, if you want me to take your innocent little pussy—that I can do.”

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