“I lost my baby brother when I was eight, Bailey. My brother Callum.” His throat seems to constrict as if he’s choking on the words. “After he died, I lost everyone else that mattered, one by one. I never talk about it, but that’s the reason I was scared.”
“Scared to lose again,” I echo. Finally, I understand something about him. It all makes sense. He pushed away love, pushed away family, because he was afraid of losing again. I was right when I guessed he was harboringpain.
“Losing is hard.” My mother stands in the doorway, loosening her death grip on the door frame. Both Zayden and I turn to look at her. “I know firsthand.”
“Yes, ma’am, it is,” Zayden tellsher.
I’ve been holding it together this whole time, but now I might cry. If my mother can soften up at Zayden, empathize with his emotions, then I suppose I can, too. I let out a huge sigh and roll my eyes to the sky. Don’t lose it, Bailey. “I really need to go, Zayden,” I say, imagining the school principal staring at her clock, taking points off my resumé because I’m late. “Can we talk when I getback?”
“Bailey,” he pushes on, “I didn’t realize the completeness I had when I had it. I’ve spent my life making sure I don’t amass anything important enough tolose.”
Tears threaten to rise into my eyes, but I bat them back. “Yeah, well, you’re not the only one who doesn’t want to lose again, Zayden. I’ve…” Ugh, should I admit to him? “I have not had a good two months. You…you hurtme.”
The tears spill and ugh, I hate myself for showing weakness.
Suddenly, I feel his hand slip into mine, as he lays the bouquet of roses on the roof of my car and lays the other hand over mine. His warm, beautiful hands. God, how I missed them. I hate him for bringing them all the way from New York City. I feel myself getting sucked in the longer he standshere.
“I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to protect you whenever I’d ask you to stay away. In my own fucked up way, I was trying to give you a good life when I disconnected myself. I didn’t think I was worth loving, Bailey. That’s the thing. And I didn’t want you dealing with this fuck-up here.” He points at hisface.
“Of course you’re worth loving,” I tell him, touching his cheek.
I’m losing this battle. But I feel what he’s saying and know he means it, considering he came out all this way. Of course, traveling is easy enough for a transportation mogul, since he can afford it. But I don’t think it’s just forshow.
“So, when two amazing things came into my life, I freaked out,” he says flatly. “I mean, that’s basically it. I freaked out, Bailey. Please forgiveme.”
I can forgive him, even though he was an ass. Especially since he’s spot-on about freaking out. I saw that he was scared when I was living with him, but I was hoping my love would be enough for him to change. I felt defeated when I saw it wasn’t. His rejection really did a number on my confidence.
But it wasn’t me. It was never aboutme.
He had hurdles to jump over first.
“I’m sorry your little brother died,” I say, looking down at our hands together. They do look nice. Does this mean I’m willing to take him back? Is that what he’s asking ofme?
“It’s okay, thanks. It was a long time ago. I could’ve dealt with it had it ended there, but then my mom checked out. She couldn’t handle the pain. And then my dad drank himself to death.”
I gasp. “Oh, my God. How horrible, Zayden.”
He nods softly. “My family fell apart in the most insidious of ways. I should’ve told you before, but I’d pushed it all out of my mind. Everything was nicely tucked away out of my memory before you guyscame.”
And there it is. I get it now. Fully and completely. “Of course I forgive you, especially after what you’ve been through. I only wish you would’ve told me allthis.”
“I put up walls around my heart. But those walls are shattered now, because guesswhat?”
“What?” Somehow I feel like whatever he’s about to say will mark the end of this loneliness, this depression.
“I don’t have a heart anymore. You shot down those walls and took off with it the night you left me, Bailey. And you were right to. But I’m here to bring them both back—yours andmine.”