Page 42 of The Billionaire and the Nanny

Penelope

Walkinginto her nursery on the morning I’m set to leave is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Lilly Belle stands in her crib after her morning bottle, arms up, asking me to pick her up. I’m torn. On one hand, it’ll be the last act I do as her nanny, so I should enjoy it. Savor it. On the other hand, it may be easier if I say goodbye from the door. If I can’t hold her, no one will have to rip me away fromher.

Wilson waits in the hallway.

Ethan isn’t here, of course. He would never be able to watch this and keep a cold heart.

I’ve taken care of children for three different families since I started working with Le Nanny two years ago, but nobody has affected me quiet like Lilly Belle. Yes, I fell for Ethan and that made it harder, all those moments we spent together as a family, but I loved her more than the rest just the same. We had a special bond, Silly Lilly and me. She lost her parents, and I arrived right when she needed a mommy.

Only I’ll never be her mommynow.

I decide on thehug.

“Hey, sweet pea. Finished your bottle?” I swoop in and pick her up. She’s chunky, and her soft skin smells of powder and milk and yumminess. I love her. I love her so much. Taking a deep breath, I tell her, “Listen, Silly Lilly Belle, you’re going to a new family very soon. I promise you they are going to be the absolutebest!”

Lilly Belle gaggles and burps, and laughs.

“And guess what? I told your uncle last night that I wanted the opportunity to see you again when you’re all settled in. He agreed, and he’s requesting for open adoption cases only. So, I will see you again. Gotthat?”

I don’t know for sure that the agency will be able to comply, but he’s at least going to put in the request. For all I know, they won’t be able to come through, and this is it. This is goodbye. Lilly Belle looks at me, those big saucer wide blue eyes. Quieted down, she seems to understand that what I’m saying is important. I don’t usually talk thismuch.

She gurgles at me with wide, innocenteyes.

I feel my heart tear irrevocably.

Well, this is it. If I don’t leave now, I’ll miss the next Metro North train leaving for Tarrytown at Grand Central Station. I hold Lilly Belle close to my chest, to my heart, fighting back tears. Fighting them so hard, but it’s no use, because I’m not made of titanium like some people. “I love you, Silly Belle. You be a good girl.” I kiss her chubby little cheeks and carry her out to the hallway.

Handing her over to Wilson is like handing over my arm, or my ribs, or a third of my heart. “Please make sure he does his best by her,” I tell Wilson. Pressing his lips together in sympathy, he nods and I slip Lilly Belle into his arms. Holding her chin in my fingertips and looking into her eyes one last time, I think about the alternatives. There arenone.

I wish I could adopt her myself, but I know I can’t. I’m a single woman. I’m only twenty-one. I have nothing to my name but a small business that hardly brings in any income. I’m not a candidate no matter how much I’d like tobe.

I turn around and leave as quickly as I can, feeling my soul empty out behind me as Igo.

“Babababa!” Lilly Belle shouts.

“I love you, too, sweet pea,” I call out. No turningback.

Life, the city, moves on through blurry, watery tears.

* * *

Walkingup the sidewalk to my house is more than a homecoming. It’s healing. The moment my mother opens the door and announces, “Penelope’s home!” I break down. Dropping my bag by her side, I let her envelop me with her arms, her hug, her whole aura oflove.

This. This is my family, even if I do still feel like I’m missing pieces of myself. What I experienced before was only what could be. A glimpse of one possible future. Like Ethan said, we were playing house.

It feels good to be home, but also terrible all at once. I was only away for seven weeks this time, but a lot happened while I was gone. I fell in love with two different souls, and together, that made it more powerful than anything I’ve ever experienced. My mom knows nothing about it either, but I think it’s time to tellher.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” She wipes my eyes, grabs my bag, and draws me into the house. I say hello to my sisters, tell them that the Townsend Mansion was absolutely beautiful, yes, the city is amazing this time of year, and ignore my mom’s question. Once the kids skedaddle back to their rooms, I face mymom.

“You havetime?”

“I make time.” Her golden eyes sparkle in the sunlight.

For the next two hours, we talk at the kitchen table like we used to whenever anything was troubling me. My mom is great at listening, but she’s extra quiet this time, wearing a worried expression, and I feel that she’s going to judge me. How could I fall for my boss, how did I not know better, how could I allow myself to fall so deeply in such a hopeless situation?

But she doesn’t judge me, only leans in and hugs me and tells me how sorry sheis.

And then I cry, and cry, and cry somemore.

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