Page 36 of The Billionaire and the Nanny

Ethan slows down, stops, and stares at me. “Where did you hearthat?”

“Right here, the night your mom came to the door. There was reference to finding her a goodhome.”

I can almost hear him swallow in the dark and quiet foyer. “You’re right, it’s not your business, but if you must know—I haven’t decidedyet.”

Relief washes over me, followed by more anxiety. It’s not a yes, but it’s not a no either. “Why haven’t you decided?” And why hasn’t he told me himself?

“I can’t answer that, Penelope. It’s not an easy decision. I just know that I wasn’t expecting her, and I have a life tolive.”

“Lots of great things in life are unexpected, Ethan.” Us, for example.

“I’m not meant for parenting.”

“That’s not true. I’ve seen you with the baby. You’re great. Nobody knows how to be a parent automatically. It takes practice.”

“You do. It comes naturally toyou.”

“Like I said—practice. I’ve had plenty. You can have plenty, too.” My voice is strained. I don’t want to come across as begging or pleading, but this matters to me and I can’t just pretend that I don’t care. “I know I’m just the nanny here, but I think you’re meant for it more than you think. The universe doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle.”

“Where’d you hear that, a fortune cookie?” He scoffs and brushes past me up the stairs.

I’m too baffled to be hurt by his curt reply. I follow him upstairs. “It’s true. We’re greater than we think we are. We’re capable of handling so much in thislife.”

He whirls around. “Some of us have already handled enough for one lifetime.”

But this is a baby,I want to tell him. Not pain, not family discord, not whatever trauma plagued him early on in life. This is a joyous thing. But I say nothing. Clearly, it’s not my place. Maybe he’s right. Maybe Lilly Belle would be better off with a warm family ready to love her. Who am I to have an opinion?

“Just…let me think about things. Don’t push me.” Ethan’s eyes reflect confusion, pain.

“Of course. I was just asking.”

He heads to his bedroom. I don’t know if he’ll come to my room tonight or if this date is over now that the spell has been broken. Too many of life’s worries took control, but I had to know. If Lilly Belle is leaving, I don’t think I could ever fully fall for Ethan. I wouldn’t let myself. I would miss her too much. If she stays, however, then I know I could.

I’ve already committed the cardinal nanny sin of caring too much about my charges.

And Ethan is still so hot and cold, I’m not sure what to expect from him. He could decide this is over between us at any moment. Am I in over my head? Sure feels like it. But because I don’t have a crystal ball, and I can’t see into the future, I’ll just do this—love like it’s my last day. Smile like it’s my last chance. And kiss a sleeping angel when you seeone.

Slipping into Lilly Belle’s room, I pause at her crib to behold her perfect image. I imagine her sleeping under twinkling stars and a shimmering magical forest. If I could decorate her room, it’d be Neverland.

The tears come quietly, slipping down my cheeks. If Ethan is capable of giving away the flesh and blood who needs him, then what would he do to my love if I were to give it? I have no answers. I can only cross that bridge when I get there. For now, I push down the crib siding, lean close to the little one, and whisper. “I love you, Silly Lilly Belle.”

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