Page 32 of The Billionaire and the Nanny

He throws his hands back and shrugs. “I’m just sayin’. If you decide on giving her up, I’ll support you, if you truly feel that’s what’s best, but I think you’re discrediting your abilities, Ethan. And your wants.”

“My wants don’t factor in, Wilson. When have I ever gotten what I wanted in thislife?”

“You’ve gotten everything.”

“Everything except the one thing I wanted most, and you know it.” I sound like a bitter man, and I know it. Yes, I realize I have a lot more than most people. I’m grateful for it, but what does it matter having everything money could buy if you can’t commit to sharing it with anyone?

Wilson sits at the counter to eat, digging in. “Mmm, reallygood.”

I don’t say anything. He’s trying to make me think. I won’t doit.

“You can’t keep souls apart, Ethan.” He shakes his head, looking down at his food. “No matter what you do. You can try, but they’ll always find each other again.”

Fuck me, the guilt. “Yes, I know that separating them is going to suck.” Lilly Belle without Penelope would be traumatic at first, but hopefully she won’t remember a thing since she’s still so young. I scoop up some chicken, testing it before I serve a plate for Penelope. My creation tastes pretty damngood.

“I was talking about the three ofyou.”

Before I can formulate a reply in the way of “stay out of my business, you old fart,” she appears at the kitchen door dressed in pink pajamas. “Something smells so good, I had to come down.” Penelope waves at us, and Lilly Belle begins a chair dance at the sound of her voice so hard, I think she’s going to fly out of her seat. “Sweet pea!” Penelope makes a beeline for thebaby.

“I was just bringing you dinner,” I say, while simultaneously hoping that she did not hear any part of that conversation. While Wilson reaches for a placemat, napkin, and silverware to set down next to him, I lay the plate on top and pour her a glass of water.

“I’m starving. Wow, this looks five-star-restaurant-worthy!” Penelope takes a seat and digs in like a hellhound tearing into its kill. Holy shit, the girl can eat. It occurs to me that I’ve never taken her anywhere for dinner. So many amazing restaurants in NYC. I’m suddenly filled with the desire to show them all to her, but I wouldn’t know where to begin.

“Ethan is good at many things,” Wilson says. I give him the “stop, please” look and take my seat next to Penelope. The four of us, sitting together at the table, eating a home-cooked meal. Four of us—my butler, the nanny, the foster child, and me. They eat and talk while I can only sit here staring at them as though their voices are coming from behind glass, and I’m outside of myself.

Wilson’s right—we’re like a family.

I’m about to stand and excuse myself. I can’t take feeling like I’ve been given something good. Good, wholesome things don’t come to me. They don’t. I didn’t get that card growing up. But I decide, for once, not to run away from what I’m feeling.

Stay and fightit.

Stay and givein.

So, I do. And it’s the best time I’ve had in a longtime.

* * *

That evening,I decide to do it again. Push past the fear. Take things to the next level with Penelope. What’s the worst that could happen? If it doesn’t work out, which it probably won’t, then my life goes back to the way it was before. Nothing lost. In business, there’s a saying: you don’t invest more than you’re willing to lose. I haven’t completely invested in Penelope and me at this point. I’ve been on the fence, but tonight showed me there couldbemore.

And I’m fucking terrified.

I arrive at her room right at midnight. All is quiet, except for the sounds of tapping on her laptop. Checking her room, I find it locked. Disappointed, I’m ready to turn around, convinced that she doesn’t think it’s wise to move forward, she’s changed her mind, when I remember that’s not how I came in last time. The bathroom door to the hallway givesway.

I walk in quietly, knocking on the door. “Hey,” I say, trying not to scare her. “You’re working.”

“Yeah, trying to catch up. I love what you did to my website. Thankyou.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. There was too much clutter. You want your home page to sell an idea, something that your client could get if they used you as a PR person, not your actual service. For example, ‘With us, you get peace ofmind.’”

“I know, I love it, seriously.” She closes the laptop and stands, pushing her hair behind her ears, wrapping her arms around herself. Unsure gesture. I guess I should explain why I’mhere.

“I wanted to ask you something.” I walk in and take her by the hand. “I wanted to know if you wanted to go out with me. Sometime this week, whenever you havetime.”

She sniffs a laugh. “I don’tknow.”

Not the answer I was hoping for. “You don’tknow?”

“Yeah, my boss…he says I’m not allowed to have a social life while working here, you know. He specifically said I have to act like the baby’s mom, and that’s what I’ve been trying todo.”

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