Page 27 of The Billionaire and the Nanny

Ethan

I haveto get out of this house.

I can’t remember the last time I was here so many consecutive days. The office hasn’t seen me in a while. I don’t want to stop there, because I don’t want people asking me questions. I decide on a walk down Fifth Avenue, maybe take a train ride downtown. Donning hat and glasses, most people don’t know who Iam.

Penelope stands at the kitchen counter getting a drink. She looks exasperated and tired.

“You okay?” I ask, pausing in the doorway.

“Yeah, just tired. Lilly Belle’s been a little cranky this morning.”

Lilly Belle does indeed look cranky, and I feel bad leaving them here while I get some fresh air, but I need to be alone after the changes going on between me and Penelope. “Are those flowers?” On the counter is a vase filled with sunflowers. They look bright, happy, and alien in my house.

“Yes. I asked Luz to bring some. Hope that was okay. Sunflowers make me happy. I think Lilly Belle likes them, too.” She smiles at the baby in a tiredway.

“Why is she biting her hand like that?” I ask. Silly Lilly is gnawing relentlessly on half herhand.

“Probably teething. She’s eight months now.” Eight months. Shit. Before we know it, she’s going to be nearing her first birthday. I have to decide on her adoption ASAP. I’ve been avoiding it, just like I’m avoiding the office.

“Hey, I’m heading out for a bit. I’ll be back later.” I tap the doorframe and head for the door without giving out any more information. I’m tempted to ask if she and the baby want to come with me, but it’s toomuch.

“I remember going out alone,” she laughs under her breath. “Noony’s on 34th and Broadway. Love their blueberry scones. Seems like so longago.”

“I’ll have some delivered.”

She smiles sadly, like it’s not the same. “Thanks.”

Closing the door, I step outside, taking in a huge breath of air. Holy fuck, I need this. Open spaces, fall air in my nose, spiking my eyes with tears.

This time of year really is nice in New York City. Maybe later, if I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll stay with the baby for a few minutes just so Penelope can take a walk alone, too. I’ve noticed she needs a break, and I haven’t exactly let her have one in almost two weeks. I end up walking all the way to Washington Square, remembering all the things I love about this city when I’m not tied up inside my building.

The time lets me think. I never meant to get so close to Penelope—it just happened. How did I go from “don’t come anywhere near me” to “want to make out on my bed?” We didn’t shed even one piece of clothing last night. Kissing for hours was probably the most intimate thing I’ve done with anyone. I have her face memorized in my mind now. The little beauty mark on her cheek, the dark lashes with the golden tips to them, the fullness of those pink lips. She’s beautiful in the most natural, alluringway.

I know it’s wrong to be doing this, but it feels right somehow.

Until it doesn’t.

Nobody could ever erase my past, and that’s why this can’t continue. First of all, she’s too young for me, she doesn’t even have her career out of the gate, though it must be hard to do when she has to take nanny jobs for assholes like me. Second of all, I’m damaged goods. I can’t make any girl happy, not with a fucked-up brain like I have. I’m good for a quick fuck, but not forlove.

Love is for the brave. And the whole.

I’m a bag of broken bones. She’ll hate me intime.

Several miles on my feet later, I’m ready to go back, taking a different route than the one that brought me here. I love this neighborhood and wish I’d walk around more often. I spot Noony’s, the coffee shop that Penelope mentioned, and slip inside for a minute to pick up ten blueberry scones so she can have plenty to freeze for later. On my way out, something tells me to get the baby something, too, so I walk into a CVS. They would have those plastic things that babies chew on when their teeth hurt, right?

I pay for the chew ring, trying not to overanalyze anything too much, avoiding glances from passersby who think they recognizeme.

When I arrive back into the house, I’m surprised to hear the baby crying and right away, it grits against my eardrum. Me and babies don’t mix, which was Reason #1 for putting her up for adoption. Yeah, she’s cute and all, but it was bound to happen when she’d have one of those bad crying spells that irritate the shit out of you, which is why I asked Penelope to stay upstairs most of thetime.

Still, as annoying as the sound is, I followit.

Because something is clearly wrong, and besides, I come bearing gifts.

Walking into the nursery, I see Penelope holding Lilly Belle, bouncing her around, singing, totally wiped, and the baby’s face is flushed bright pink. Her voice is even a little hoarse like she’s been crying a while. “Hey. Sheokay?”

“No, Ethan, she’s not. I don’t know what’s wrong with her. Shh…shh…my little sweet pea, it’sokay.”

I pull the chew toy out of the plastic bag in my hands and tear off the packaging. “I brought you something,” I tell the baby, handing the colorful ring to her. She’s going to love it, though I can’t believe I’m talking to a small infant creature who doesn’t even understand English. “Here yougo.”

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