Page 72 of Small Town Beast

“Saverin, wait.” She squeezed his biceps as if for support and took a deep breath. Her eyes darted to the door, then back to him, as if she wanted to delay the inevitable. Of course she knew she could come back up the hill with him and sleep in his bed like they’d done the night before…

“I wasn’t able to get the pregnancy test,” she said.

Saverin hadn’t been aware of a pregnancy test. Was that what worried her? He pinched her chin. “I didn’t unload in you at the springs. We should be good.”

Something rattled in the corner of his mind. He recalled the night they had met. Something about a condom.

“Hold it,” he said.

Tanya started talking very quickly. “I went to Rowanville and couldn’t find the pill. I looked everywhere, Saverin. I just want you to know. I don’t think I’m pregnant anyway but I thought I should tell you.”

“I— you’re telling me thisnow? What about when we were in Rowanville?”

She turned and started fiddling with her keys. “Trust me, a baby is the last thing I want right now.”

Saverin’s mind raced through the possibilities. A kid? With Tanya? Hesitation never crossed his mind. He’d already considered a life with Tanya if and when Amari came back, this would be another happy blessing. A kid between them meant change. He’d have to change everything. Life to replace death.

Of course it wasn’t a sure thing…But if it happened…

“You’d have to come live with me. We’d raise it together,” he said.

She faced him. “What?”

His head spun. Tanya, pregnant? With his son…

We’ll name him Sam. Or some other strong Bailey name. Like Matthew.

“There’s a good doctor down the mountain,” he said, thinking out loud. “He took care of Laura Jane and her sister when they were expecting. I’ll set it up for you. You’d have to quit work–”

“Hold on just a minute,” said Tanya in herare-you-fucking-kidding-mevoice. “Slow down, cowboy. I don’t know about all that. I don’t want a baby– I don’t want to be a mother again. I’m already a mother. Ihavea child.”

He stared at her. “What are you hollering for?”

“You don’t own me, Saverin. You don’t get to decide what I do and if I should quit my job. My life can’t be your project because you hate yours!”

The Bailey temper was a curious thing. It could lay dormant under the most brutal attacks, but then suddenly flare like a chemical explosion. He felt it stirring now.

“You don’t know half of nothing and you better watch your mouth.”

“I know you’re using me to fix your guilt. Guilt about what, I don’t know. But I’m not here for that! You don’t own me — you can’t use me to fix yourself!”

“You need me, Tanya, damn it!”

“I wish the hell I didn’t!”

Only a woman could cut a man down to size without lifting a finger. Saverin stared at Tanya like she’d grown six heads. She was shaking with fury and for the life of him hecouldn’tunderstand it.

Some powerful emotion was rocking through Tanya, eroding at her reason. “You think I don’t know this game? You start paying for my ass, then you own it.” Tanya shook her head, her scars as livid as his own now. “Maybe I want– I want–real love!”

Saverin took the key from her shaking hand and opened the door.

“I ain’t gonna do this with you out here, darlin’.”

She shoved past him, dumping her bag on the floor. “This was all a mistake. You should just go and we forget we ever did this.”

He fumbled for the light. “Not until we—”

He saw the shadow before she did. He had seconds. Less than seconds. It was the space of time between a spark at the end of a dynamite wick, a match touching a well of petroleum, than the distance between light and darkness; it was all he had.

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