Page 45 of No Greater Sorrow

Quiet, she thought back.Besides, where the hell were you when I decided to look for wine?

Aleja dropped her hand over Nicolas’s out of spite. His body heat sunk into her sore muscles, wrapping around the ache in her left wrist. But when his eyes moved to her face, she didn’t return his gaze. In a way, they echoed the painting on the wall before them; Orpheus looking at Eurydice with hope and horror.

“You make me feel so—” It was one of the few times Aleja had seen Nicolas flustered. He glanced at his hands, as if buying himself time to think of a way to finish the sentence he’d already started. “You make me feel sohungry.”

“What?” Aleja said, unable to stop from laughing. The swig she took from the champagne bottle to briefly hide her face was almost entirely for Nicolas’s sake—he looked stricken, as if he’d confessed his darkest secret and she’d nothing to offer in return but a giggle.

“We can raid Bonnie’s cabin next if you like,” she finished and wiped her mouth with her sleeve.

He snatched the bottle from her hand and took a deep pull himself. “When you’re around, I want todevourthings. You, for one, but not just that. Wine. Art. The sensation of magic. I wasn’t surprised when the Second gave you the gift of fire. It seemed soright. You’ve always sharpened the world for me. Illuminated the details. When you’re not around, I don’t want anything, and when you are, I want too much.”

“That’s not a very healthy way to think,” Aleja said. “Or at least, that’s what the self-help books I read while trying to fix my terrible dating life would have said.”

“Oh. Would you want to be loved less than that?”

“No.”

“I’m leading the party to the Astraelis camp,” Nicolas said, obviously and deliberately changing the subject. Aleja tried not to feel disappointed. “We leave the day after tomorrow, under cover of night. If it goes well, I’ll be back in time for the last Trial.”

“I’m going,” Aleja said, wondering if she was sealing her fate. She’dfought, sure, but she wasn’t a warrior. In this life, Aleja had cracked more books about Caravaggio than she had about military strategy. Even if she could feel the first glimmer of Sainthood inside her, that didn’t mean she was going to be any use on the battlefield—she might even be a hindrance. But something inside her begged her to go. Perhaps it was her old self, straining against that locked door in her mind.

Aleja half-expected Nicolas to tell her no, but he asked, “Why? You did well in the Third’s realm, but we were caught by surprise. This isn’t something your training with Taddeas will have prepared you for.”

“Because…” Aleja searched for the words to describe what she felt. “Because the Messenger doesn’t want me dead. Not yet. It might save the rest of us.”

“What?” Nicolas said, raising an eyebrow.

“You weren’t there. She could have killed me. Easily. But she just… let me walk away.”

“Aleja, if you think that I would?—”

“Nicolas, stop. I don’t mean that we should offer me up as bait, but if my presence causes her to hesitate, it might buy us a few minutes to get everyone else to safety.”

Nicolas ran a hand through his hair, disturbing the gray streak. “We’ll talk to Taddeas about it.”

“You’re not shooting the idea down?”

“I can’t pretend tolikeit, Aleja. It’s not as if you—” He paused, searching for words.

“It’s okay, you can say it. I don’t have her memories. I don’t have her experience or her training. I’m a college dropout with an unfinished art history degree.” She held up a hand to stop Nicolas from interrupting. “Don’t. It’s the truth and I’m fine with it. But the war isn’t going to wait for me to be ready. Our goal is to go unnoticed, right? If all goes well, then the danger will be minimal.”

“Minimal is a relative term.”

“I know you love semantics but stop. I want to do this. And if Violet can go, then I can too. Let’s not forget that youneedme, Nic. I’ve felt the way your magic tugs on mine more than once now. You’re stronger when we’re together.”

“All right, soldier, but my agreement is conditional on what Taddeas has to say. Besides, it wouldn’t be bad to have you around to…” Nicolas’s brow furrowed, as if he knew what he was about to say was not going to be well received. “I need you to keep an eye on Violet and report to me if any of her behavior seems unusual.”

“You think her connection to the Astraelis is effecting her?”

“I don’t know her well enough to notice if it did. But you would, especially now. Before she went missing, you knew she’d been acting differently, and you ignored it. You won’t let that happen again.”

“Fine,” Aleja sighed, feeling something inside her deflate. She shouldn’t feel relieved about the prospect of going on a potentially fatal raid in enemy territory, but sitting around in the Hiding Place wondering if Violet and Nicolas were injured or dead would be worse.

Nicolas exhaled and looked at their joined hands. She watched his throat bob as he swallowed. “All right. If Taddeas agrees, it’ll be you, me, Orla, and Violet. Val, too. We’ll find another piece of armor for Violet—take yours back.”

Aleja nodded and looked back to the painting. She wasn’t as tipsy as she’d planned to get, but the taste of champagne sparkled on her tongue. “I’m so tired of being lied to, Nic,” she said, knowing this was a conversation better had with Bonnie, who would inevitably be in her cabin preparing more supplies to take back to the outpost. But if this mission was really happening, she and Nicolas might not get another chance.

“I know,” he replied, equally quiet.

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