Page 44 of What Is Dark Within Me

A part of her had still hoped Nicolas was full of shit; Otherlanders loved to torment humans, and this could be an elaborate ruse to break Aleja completely. But that was harder to accept when the past Aleja removed her helmet and a cascade of reddish-black hair tumbled down her back.

“Why do you always act like you’re sneaking around?” the current Nicolas chided.

“Because I never have any idea when I’m in danger and when something is perfectly normal. Believe it or not, it’s hard to tell the difference around here.”

“You can walk normally. None of these people are real. By the Second, your back must hurt from all that crouching.”

But as she trailed behind him, she realized he wanted to avoid their old selves as much as she did.

“Show off,” the former Aleja muttered. “It was just a Throne. I could have taken it down.”

“How else would I impress you, dove?”

She winced. Pet names. Great. They had pet names.

The past Nicolas leaned in to kiss the curve of his wife’s neck, but she only allowed it for a moment before half-heartedly shoving him away. “You smell like a Throne, Nic! As your High General, I recommend you brush that fur off your armor. We have plans to go over.”

But Nicolas snuck in one more peck at her lips before sauntering away to join the soldiers celebrating around a man with brand-new claw marks on his chest plate.

Aleja might have felt uncomfortable watching their old selves interact, but Nicolas stared vacantly into the middle-distance as they walked toward the fallen body of the Throne. His hands were clenched, the muscles of his forearms straining against his skin. She wondered if she should ask if he was okay, but all the tentative sentences in her mind fell short.I’m sorry that you lost your wife. I’m sorry that I’m not her anymore.

“It must hurt,” she finally muttered, half-expecting him to dismiss her with a wave of his hand, as he had in the past.

“It’s all right. I’ve had to relive many of the memories stored in these relics. I’m used to it.”

I’m not sure that he is, said the voice.

For once, you and I agree, Aleja responded.

The Throne’s corpse was as long as a school bus from nose to tail. She wanted to ask why she could perceive this one, when the Remnants constantly flickered between shapes, but that would mean betraying Liam’s hunting habits.

Easy. I can answer that one. You’re seeing it through Otherlander eyes, said her voice.

“Let’s search the field. Our scouts were thorough, but there’s a chance they missed something,” Nicolas said.

“Should we split up?” she asked. The notion of strolling across a battlefield looking at corpses was not appealing, but the thought of doing it alone was even worse. She was beginning to understand what Bonnie had told her on Aleja’s first day in the Hiding Place.We all had to see and do horrible things.

“I don’t think that will be necessary. This was a mere skirmish. The Principalities weren’t expecting us, which is why they were guarded by so few Thrones.”

She trailed behind him, searching for movement without letting her eyes linger on the massive burns stretching across the bodies of other Thrones, deeper in the valley. I did this, she thought to herself. It may have been a long time ago and I may not remember, but I did this.

“I don’t see any of our soldiers,” she said.

Our? chirped her voice.

“No. We didn’t lose anyone this time.”

They wandered for a few more minutes before the world flickered around them. “The memory is ending,” Nicolas said, unable to keep the irritation out of his voice.

“I didn’t see anything that could still be alive,” she conceded.

“Nor did I.”

“What do we do now?”

“I’ll comb the vaults and see what I can find. In the meantime, concentrate on your magic. We may only have a short time before Garm returns.”

The world faded, and by the time Aleja blinked, they were back in the red marble room. Nicolas mumbled a good night, lighting a path with a flick of his hand to guide her back to her bedroom. As she lay still that evening, unable to sleep, it wasn’t just the dead Thrones that returned to her mind. It was the casual affection on her past self’s face as Nicolas dropped from the sky to her side. The teasing smile she’d given after he stole a last kiss.

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