Page 69 of What Is Dark Within Me

“Do you think I’m a good man now?” he said, pulling nearly all the way out before driving into her again.

“No. You’re still a villain. But maybe I want to be a fucking villain too.”

“Alejandra.” Like a hiss. Like the crackle of a black candle. Like an invocation.

Her name on his lips was enough to drive her over the edge.

It didn’t start in her core, but at the base of her neck; a surge of magic and pleasure that had her legs shaking before it reached them. Aleja fell back, her vision filled with tiny stars that blurred together into a soft halo of light that seemed to surround her. She knew her fingers were clutchingsomething, but could no longer tell what.

“Feel good?” Nicolas murmured, sounding lost himself. His words weren’t quite enough to piece her back together, and as if understanding this, he pushed his fingers into her again. The erection brushing against her inner thigh reminded her of every dream where he had filled her, where she had been overwhelmed by the sensation of his weight atop hers.

The second orgasm was more unexpected than the first. It came on with no warning, and Aleja wasn’t certain she was speaking until she heard Nicolas’s name fall out of her mouth, like a secret that had grown too heavy, too unwieldy to fit inside of her anymore.

“Satisfied, dove?” he asked.

She managed a nod as he shifted their position. Gods, he was strong. “Let me touch you,” she rasped. There had been times during training when she had let something wild, angry, and raw take over, but she’d never heard that side of herself speak out loud until now.

“Not tonight,” Nicolas said. He pulled away and the drop in heat sent goosebumps racing across Aleja’s arms. She became aware her legs were open, and what clothes she had left were bunched around her hips, while Nicolas looked pained but unruffled.

“Don’t you…?” she asked. A half-formed question, but one she knew he’d understand.

“If you gave me the choice, I would fuck you until you weren’t able to remember anything but my name.”

“I want you to.”

But Nicolas pulled away again, his hands flying to his collar to fasten the button she’d undone. Despite the frustrating ache in her core, she didn’t think she’d ever seen him look so beautiful. A flush bloomed across his cheekbones. His lower lip was swollen and red from how he’d bitten it as he drove into her. A glimmer of sweat made his collarbones and brow shine.

“Not tonight,” he repeated.

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t be sure if you want it yet.”

“What are you talking about?” Aleja gritted out.

His response was to wrap one of his hands into the reddish-black hair at the base of her skull, but he didn’t draw his hips any closer. “You don’t understand what you do to me, Alejandra. I have waited centuries to have you by my side again, and I would wait an eternity longer.”

He leaned in, his breath curling like woodsmoke around the shell of her ear. “You still have a choice. You could leave this place once the bond is broken and live out your human life. You could forget about me and the Hiding Place.”

“What if I don’t want to?” she asked. “What if I wanted to stay?”

“Then I’d believe you. My consort. My force of wrath. My destroyer.” Nicolas sighed—not without a hint of frustration—and stepped away, leaving her cold.

“You can’t decide yet,” he said. “Not with so little time and not without understanding the depths of what I would do for you. The horrors I would commit to keep you safe and by my side. The horrors Ihavecommitted. You said we were villains—it’s true—but I don’t think you quite comprehend what that means.”

“Don’t patronize me,” she hissed, hopping off the table to search for her trousers.

“That wasn’t my intention. I merely want you to understand this: if it came down to you or the world and everyone in it, I would chooseyouevery time. It’s dangerous for both of us.”

“So? What does that mean for me?” she asked, pulling on her trousers while still feeling an unsettling combination of anger and arousal; she didn’t think she’d be relieved of it any time soon.

“It means that, one of these nights, I’ll come to your room and bury my head between your legs until you say a prayer to the Knowing One. But I won’t fuck you until you truly understand what it is you mean to me. Not because you can’t handle it. BecauseIcan’t.”

It hadn’t felt awkward being naked next to an entirely clothed Nicolas until now, though the room smelled of arousal and he was still obviously hard. She didn’t expect the hand that tilted her chin up, nor the way he kissed her forehead.

“You should get some sleep. We’ll be leaving this place soon,” he said against her hair.

For a moment, she realized they must have stood like this before—hovering over battle plans long after the other Dark Saints had gone to sleep, stealing what moments they could, because death always lurked like a stranger on the other side of a door. It wasn’t a memory that sparked through her, but she had the feeling that words spoken tonight had been said in this room before. Ghosts, making themselves known in whispers.

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