Page 72 of Vow of the Shadow King

“What is your plan then, Vor?” The words slip bitterly from my tongue before I realize I intend to speak them. “Will you use me like some harlot? Take your pleasure from my body then send me on my way?”

That breaks through the ice. A hot flare bursts from his soul. It’s painful, but in that pain, I feel again some of the true emotion seething behind his restraint. The passion, the pain. “How can you say that?” he grits through his teeth. “I took nothing from you! I gave and would give again and would go on giving. I would never use you, Faraine! I am not that man.”

I shake my head, reeling as each word strikes my senses like a blow. “But you won’t give me yourself.”

“No. And you know perfectly well why not.” I cannot see him anymore. The dark sparks have closed in on my vision. But I feel his footsteps pace across the room as he retreats still more from me. “You know exactly how I am bound if I . . . if we . . . if the agreement I made with your father is fulfilled.”

So. This is it. He won’t share his body with me. Which means he won’t share his crown. I will never be his queen, never bear his children. The pleasure I just experienced with him was intense, but it wasn’t whole.

Gods, what a fool I’ve been! Just a moment ago, I gloried in the freedom of lying beside him, so exposed and yet so safe. Now all those feelings of safety have fled. I am truly naked. Possibly for the first time in my life.

“I do know.” I pull the blanket closer to my body. “I know very well all the lives at stake. Not just your people. Mine as well. The man who murdered my sisters still ravages my land. Even now, he’s killing, looting, burning, destroying. My father hasn’t the means to stop him. He’s thrown everything he has at Ruvaen for the last five years. It’s not enough.” I swallow, lift my chin. “Gavarianeedsthis alliance.”

I cannot see him through the pain. I cannot feel him through the wall. But finally, his voice reaches me: “I should have known.”

“What?”

“For all your sweetness, for all your delicate modesty, you are your father’s daughter after all.”

A blast of anger—my own this time—shoots straight from my heart, driving back the fog, the dark. I see him standing there, his shirt still disheveled, his lips still swollen with my kisses. I see the pain in his face, but also the coldness. Like he’s wrapped his own heart in stone.

Rising from the bed, I drag the blankets with me, let them pool around my feet like royal robes. “Speak plainly, Vor,” I demand. “Say what you mean or say nothing at all.”

He turns away, puts his shoulder to me.

“My father is a two-faced viper,” I persist, hurling the words at him. “Is this your opinion of me as well? I suppose I shouldn’t blame you. But since that night—since our wedding night—I have spoken nothing but truth to you. My people need this alliance. I do as well. I do not wish to remain a shadow princess, either in your court or my father’s. I do not wish to beg for kisses or favors, to never be truly free, truly safe.”

“So, you would seduce me to ensure your own safety.”

“Seduce you? Is that what you call what has happened between us?”

“What would you call it?”

He can’t look at me. Won’t look at me. I stand there, staring at those impervious shoulders, too dumbstruck, too horrified to speak. The truth is, I did lure him into bed. I did push for consummation and not purely from desire. The desire was there, of course. But more as well. I need him, need his body, need the consummation of our marriage. It’s the only way I can secure my place in this world.

When I don’t speak, Vor growls softly, “I thought as much,” and turns for the balcony.

“Do you blame me?” I lunge a step after him, trying to get between him and his exit. “Would you do less in my position?”

His head turns sharply, his eyes like two knives cutting straight into me. “I would never stand in your position. I would never do what you have done.”

“No.” I meet his gaze, refusing to be cowed. “Because you had the good fortune to be born a man. I did not. I am forced to make the best of a situation over which I have no control, and to try to manage it with my honor still intact.”

“Honor?” His lips draw back in a snarl. “Would you call this little game you’ve played honorable?”

“I have confessed my sin. Of the rest? I am not ashamed. I want this alliance, and I want . . . I want . . .”

He tips his head, stares at me from beneath the harsh ledge of his brow. “Go on, Faraine. Speak the truth.”

But I cannot say it. Not now. Not with his angry accusations still ringing in my ears. I can only shake my head. Though a moment before I’d impeded his escape, my only wish now is for him to go, to give me some relief from the pain of his presence. I back away, folding my arms and the soft blanket tight around me. And I hold my tongue.

Vor draws a ragged breath. “Today was a mistake. But it will soon be rectified. I will have Hael make ready for your return journey. We won’t wait for the message to arrive. You will leave Mythanar beforedimness.”With those words, he turns, strides for the window.

Wait.The word is there, on my lips. I try to speak it, try to give it strength and sound. But I cannot. It is no more than an agonized breath which Vor cannot hear.

He pushes through the wafting curtains, mounts his morleth, and urges it into flight. I cannot watch him go. I can only stand there, my gaze fixed on the floor as his soul withdraws from me. The pain of his tumultuous emotions fades the greater distance he puts between us.

But when the pain is gone, there is only emptiness. And that is worse by far.

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