Page 16 of Gunnar

I was stripped bare. There was no way to hide the raw pain and hunger inside me. Or the embarrassment. Yet, I couldn’t make myself leave her or to allow her to not choose to stay with me. The thought of parting from her couldn’t even completely form in my mind before I shut it down.

“Why? Why what?”

She reached up one small hand, trembling to give my bearded face a tentative touch, stroking gently when I didn’t stop her. I tilted my head and sighed as I soaked up her touch. “Why didn’t you find a woman after you were set free?” For some reason, I liked the way she phrased her question. Itdidfeel like I’d been set free, and not in just the literal sense. Because I was very much afraid that kiss had been the thing to truly set me free.

So I gave her the most honest answer I had. It wasn’t something I’d thought about or even really acknowledged to myself, but the second I uttered the words, I knew they were true. “Because they wouldn’t have been you, Pippa.”

“But we’ve never met.”

“Knuckles showed me your picture. I think the one he gave me when he told me to find you was the last picture your mother sent him.” I fished it out of the pocket of my inner shirt and handed it to her. It wasn’t the one of her tied up and terrified. It was one where she was staring off into the distance with a soft smile on her face.

“I don’t understand.” She smiled up at me, obviously confused but not concerned.

“I fell in love with the woman in that picture, Pippa.” I looked at her helplessly, unable to give her anything but the strict truth. “From that moment, there was never going to be another woman for me.” I thought I might have scared her, but her grip on my shirt tightened and she clutched me closer to her.

“Gunnar…”

“Look,” I said roughly, “I need you to understand something. I may not have experience in anything to do with women, but I know what I want. And what I want is you. Not just because of my promise to Knuckles, but because I’m drawn to you in a way I can’t explain. I want to protect you, care for you. I want what my mom and dad have together, and I want it with you. But only if you want me too.”

Pippa bit her lip, looking uncertain but interested. “Maybe… What if we did that?” She picked at my shirt with one hand while still clutching one small fist in the material.

“Did what, honey?”

“You know. If we decided to be a couple. You’re right that I need rest and to get settled. Go to therapy and see if I can get medicated to the nines or something. But you’re right. There is a definite connection between us. And…” She trailed off, glancing away from me.

“What is it, honey? Don’t be afraid to tell me what you’re thinkin’ or feelin’. ‘Cause I’m shit at readin’ women.” My attempt at humor wasn’t great.

“Gunnar, I don’t… I don’t want you to leave me alone.” Her voice was a mere thread of sound. Had I not been so close to her and staring at her lips, I probably wouldn’t have known what she said.

“No one said I was goin’ anywhere, Pippa. Truth is, I feel better when I can at least see you. I’d prefer to be within arm’s reach.” We stared at each other for a very long time. There was so much to say but I’m not sure either of us knew where to start. I liked the fact she wanted me close. “Whether or not you agree to my claim, I won’t leave you unless you tell me to go. Even then, you might not see me and I won’t interfere with your life, but I’ll always be watching over you.” When she opened her mouth to say something, I plowed on. “Not because of anything Knuckles wanted me to do. Because you’re it for me.”

The relief in Pippa’s eyes was immediate, and she actually sagged against me. “Good.” She patted my chest. “That’s good. Glad we got that straight.”

I tightened my arms around her, tucking her head under my chin. “Yeah, honey. I’m glad we got that straight too.”

Pippa trembled slightly in my arms, whether from exhaustion or emotion I wasn’t sure. I held her close, savoring the warmth of her body against mine. After a few moments, I reluctantly pulled back.

“As much as I’d like to stay like this, you need to get dressed and eat something,” I said gently. “Then we can work on your hair and get you into bed for some real rest.”

She nodded, looking a bit dazed. “You’re right. I’m just… I don’t want to let go yet.”

“I know, honey. I don’t either. But you need to get dressed.” Then something occurred to me. “Are you steady enough to dress? Do you need me to… I don’t know…help?”

She smiled again, rubbing her hand up and down the left side of my chest. Over my heart. “I think I can manage myself. Thank you for offering, though.”

I sighed, feeling something I hadn’t experienced in a very, very long time. I was content. I’d saved this woman. Gotten her out of danger and brought her to the place that had once been my home. She was looking to me for comfort and security. Pippa wasn’t mine yet, but it wouldn’t take long for her to be all in with me. Hell, maybe she was already. I didn’t know enough about women to know. But even now, she still clung to me.

I leaned in and brushed one more soft kiss to her lips. Stopping myself from going further was harder than I’d thought. Now that I’d experienced kissing Pippa, I wanted to do it more.

Pippa nestled closer to me, her body relaxing against mine. I could feel her exhaustion in the way she leaned heavily into my embrace. As much as I wanted to keep holding her, I knew she needed rest more than anything.

“Get dressed, honey. Then we’ll get some food into you.”

Pippa took a deep breath and nodded again. Her eyes were pleasantly glazed as I lifted my head from hers. “OK, I can do that.”

Reluctantly, I pulled away from her. Her lower lip trembled and she whimpered softly, but nodded her head. I left her there but leaving her alone went against everything inside me. I needed to comfort her. To help her. To be there for her in case she needed me for anything. But she needed privacy. Not a strange man looking at her naked body, lusting after her.

Once outside the bathroom, I leaned against the door as I shut it. The door between us felt like prison walls and I hated it on principle. Sure, I could open it and go to her, but she needed to know I’d do anything for her, even if it was hard. At least, that’s what I hoped she took away from this, because if that’s not what I was giving her, I had no idea why I was denying us both what we wanted.

---