Page 9 of These Jagged Edges

"You don't frighten me," I say, unable to look him in the eye.

"The fuck I don’t," he snarls at me. “You try to hide it behind those fake smiles and sassy-ass attitude you throw my way, but you don’t fool me.”

Well, call me cling wrap because apparently, I'm see-through.

Gritting my teeth, I decide I’m done with this conversation and shove the food at his chest. "You don't frighten me," I repeat quietly, meeting his intense gaze. A look I can't quite decipher crosses his handsome face causing his stoic gaze to soften just slightly, and he silently takes the food from my hands.

I give him a small truth, just one, "All that anger you carry with you terrifies me."

His big powerful body flinches as if I reached out and hit him. Giving him a sad smile, I turn and head home. I feel his searing gaze on me the whole way, even long after I've shut the door behind me.

Todayin the middle of the breakfast rush, the school called me. Bash and Charlie both have high fevers. My children seldom get sick, but when they do, it's always at the same time. They've had strep, RSV, and stomach flu all at the same damn time, and let me tell you there is no kind of tired like when your children are sick.

RSV was the worst. My boys had to be hospitalized, and I wouldn't have survived without Joe and Lou. They had to stickCharlie six times before getting his IV in. I sat in a chair between their little beds and cried my heart out. All they wanted was for me to hold them. I’ve never felt so helpless, and that says a lot coming from me—I'm no stranger to helplessness. I tried so hard to be a good mother and love my boys in every way I ever wanted my mother to love me, but I felt like I failed when I saw their little bodies in those beds.

Luckily, this was just the common stomach virus that had been going around school, but I'm a basket case any time they're sick. Constantly fretting and triple-checking their breathing, and that's precisely how I spent all day Wednesday and Thursday. By the time the boys feel better on Friday, I’m exhausted, barely hanging on by a thread. Laying on the couch with Bash wrapped around one side and Charlie curled into the other, I doze off.

Chapter Five

MADDOX

"We shouldn't be here,Charlie. Mama made me promise her not to come back over here. She made me pinky promise her!" I hear a small voice in front of my house.

"Just go knock on the door."

"Why me?"

"Because I’m the oldest! Now go knock."

Their banter reminds me so much of Mercy and myself growing up. I almost want to smile at the thought. I shake my head, erasing the memory from my mind. I don’t deserve to think of happy memories anymore. Deciding it best to see what the troublesome two want, I step around the corner of the house, where I find the two still bickering about who'll knock on the door.

"Why are you here?" I ask, brushing the sawdust out of my hair, ending their bickering.

The one with glasses and curly hair, Charlie, looks me up and down, sizing me up just like he did in the grocery store. I hold his stare when I notice he has one blue eye and one brown eye just like his mama's. How the hell have I not noticed that before?

"We were wondering if Mercy was round?" the other boy asks, ending the weird stare down I was having with his twin brother. They both have their mama's freckles and toffee-colored hair.

"No, this isn't his house," I say, crossing my arms.

"We know that sir. We just needed him for somethin'."

"Well, he's not here," I say, then I remember the short sassy ass woman who brought me fried chicken and has had my head all fucked up since telling me how my anger terrified her.

My anger was all I had left, and if I let it go, I lethergo. Looking between their two faces, I notice them share a slight look of panic, and I make split a decision. "Mercy's not here, but I am. What do you need?" I ask, trying not to sound like my usual gruff self.

"Nothing! Come on, Sebastian," Charlie tells his twin while tugging his sleeve. His brother doesn't budge.

"No!" Scared eyes find mine. "She won't wake up."

A knot forms in my stomach. "Who?"

"Mama," he cries. His tears are my undoing. Without a second thought I gather his little frame up in my arms; his arms instantly wrap tightly around my neck. Sobs shake his little body, trying my best to soothe him; I quickly grab Charlie's much smaller hand in mine and take off across the lawn.

"Wait!" Charlie tugs my hand, making me look down. His face may still be set in a severe expression, but his eyes shine brightly with fear. Seeing him fight so fiercely against his fear, just like his mother, makes me feel a slight twinge in my chest.

He looks at me with a slight hesitation and then knocks me on my ass. "Ifwe let you in, you have to promise not to hurt her."

Damn, little man if I still had a heart, you just broke it all over again. Noticing Bash had calmed down long enough to hear my response, I tell them gently, "I won’t."

---