Page 52 of These Jagged Edges

"Allison, do you plan on staying in Thunder Ridge long?" I ask.

She cautiously looks at Maddox out of the corner of her eye. “Maybe, I haven’t decided yet.”

Maddox's eye twitches. "Why? There's nothing here for you."

"Olivia."

A dark chuckle rumbles from his lips. "It's too late to become a loving mother now, don't you think? Newsflash Allison! Our daughter is dead! While you were enjoying the high life she died."

"I know?—"

"How in the hell do you sleep at night knowing you chose drugs over her? You abandoned her for a fucking fix! Now she's gone and you can never fucking change that!"

"I know!" Allison bursts out as she slams both hands on the table. "There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could change that, Maddox." Her head drops between her shoulders, and I can see tears land on top of the table. I grab a napkin and hand it to her. She silently takes it from my hand. After composing herself she sits back down and faces Maddox. This time she meets his gaze head-on and squares her shoulders.

"I’ve been sober for almost seven months. Not that it matters to you, but I couldn’t live that life anymore." Her voice cracks, the weight of the words choking her. "I woke up one morning after coming down, and I couldn’t remember what she looked like. Not her smile, not her little laugh. What kind of mother forgets their own child's face?" The raw pain in her voice forces me to shift in my seat wrapping around my chest like a vice.

"I sat there, willing her chubby face to come back to me, but it wouldn’t. It was gone. I kept thinking this was my punishment for choosing everything else over her. And now I have to live with that—carry that weight—for the rest of my life."

I can’t imagine forgetting what Charlie or Bash looked like. Those sweet faces give me the strength to see through each day. The thought of having to live a life without them makes me shudder. Then again, I can’t imagine choosing anything over them, but I’m not here to judge her. I haven’t lived Allison's life; I have no right to judge her.

A large hand reaches out, finding mine and intertwining ourfingers with a firm, reassuring grip. I look up at Maddox, my heart full of quiet resolve, and squeeze his hand gently. Through that touch, I pour every bit of strength and courage I can muster, hoping to offer him the comfort and support he needs. My presence is all I have to give, and I want it to be enough to fortify him in this moment.

"I want you to know it was never your fault Olivia and I didn't have the connection you two shared. I’m so sorry I ever told you otherwise." Her small voice cracks. "Maddox, you did a terrific job. I'm sorry you had to take on so much alone. Between Olivia?—"

"Stop." Maddox holds a hand up silencing her. "You've been in town for a couple of months. Why are you just now showing up here?"

"I had a hard time getting up the nerve. I knew I wouldn’t get the warmest welcome when I showed up here." I admire her honesty, but Maddox Wilder is as harmless as a fruit fly.

“Sorry doesn’t fix anything, Allison, and you finally getting sober won’t bring my daughter back.” His voice is resolute, each word delivered with a force that underscores his pain and frustration. Yet, when I meet his gaze, those jade eyes of his reveal the fragility beneath his strong exterior. Despite his unwavering tone, I can see the raw, desperate emotion just beneath the surface, and I know he's barely holding it together.

"You're right, but I feel closer to her when I'm here. I loved her so much Maddox." The love radiating off her face doesn't make me doubt for one second how much she loved her child. She doesn’t seem like the kind of person to create something so precious and not love it. I know the kind of person who could do that, and she gave birth to me.

I want to be able to blame my mother's lack of love on something, but I know that’s just who she is. The most important person in my mother's life is herself. She only had me because it was too late to abort me. A fact she never let me forget growing up. My mother never looked at me like Allison does when she justthinks about her child, even in her brief bouts of sobriety. I always felt like I was a stain on her cheap existence every time she looked at me.

No, Allison loved her daughter but ultimately lost herself to addiction. How heart-wrenching it must be to tackle your demons when it's too late.

The front door flies open, and I hear footsteps hurrying through the house. "Mama! Maddox!" Bash appears in the kitchen with a huge smile on his face. "Vic taught us how to skin a fish! It was so cool!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." I chuckle as he wraps one arm around my neck and hug himself tightly to me before he pulls away. Bash is still wearing his swim trunks from the lake earlier today and boy he reeks of fish! I’ve never seen him happier. Bash, still oblivious to the woman at the table, turns towards Maddox.

"You should’ve been there Mad! It was so cool! The guts fell right out."

Maddox looks at Bash with such love and wraps him in his arms. "How's your brother?" Maddox knows my children well enough to know whatever one found fascinating the other found to be disgusting or boring.

"He almost fainted! Vic felt bad and let us help fry the fish up for dinner. Charlie's much better now." Bash pulls back from Maddox noticing the woman at the table, and I interrupt him before he can introduce himself to her.

"As soon as you help Vic clean up, I'll get you both cleaned up. Before you drag up all the stray cats up with that strong stench."

"Okay, Mama." With that Bash is back out the door as quickly as he came through it.

"I'm going to go." Allison stands quickly. "Thank you for allowing me into your home." Then before Maddox or I can say a word, she rushes out the door, closing it softly behind her.

Maddox stands to his full height. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, that was awkward as hell, but I’m alright. Are you?"

Maddox tugs the neckline of his shirt. "No, because I'm having a really hard time figuring out why the fuck you would invite her into my home."

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